Personal growth.
The Hour of Honesty. Why Is It So Hard to Be Honest?
Why do we crave honesty while also rejecting it within ourselves?
Most of us struggle with honesty — speaking honestly and honestly speaking. Because the truth hurts. I used to pride myself on my honesty when my daughter one day piped in and said, “Yes, but no one needs honesty all the time.”
The truth is that many of us do not want to hear the truth. Or at least not all at once. Most people claim they would prefer hearing the truth than not hearing it. I wondered if they were being honest with themselves.
Would you want people to be honest with you? I wish people had told me I was marrying the wrong person when I was getting married to my first husband. I later learned that people thought it but did not want to say it.
Why are we so uncomfortable with the truth? Because like what Elizabeth Gilbert says,
“Here’s the thing about truth; once you see it, you cannot un-see it.”
I believe that once you know the truth, it gnaws at you, confronts you, and calls for action. It’s part of what psychologists have termed cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is a term for the state of discomfort felt when two or more ideas contradict each other. These cognitions include ideas, beliefs, or the knowledge that someone has behaved in a certain way that contradicts your values.
It’s like being in the company of someone telling racist jokes and feeling discomfort for not speaking up against it.
Why is it so hard to speak honestly? And why is it so uncomfortable for us to receive honest feedback even when it is given by people we love?
I suspect it’s because we fear rejection. But I propose that cognitive dissonance is more uncomfortable than rejection over the long run.
Don’t just speak honestly, but also embody the truth.
Embodying the truth is the basis of integrity.
Integrity is central to building good character. It can be lonely if you’re the only one willing to speak the truth. Create a community of people who reflect your value for integrity.
When you embody the truth, the people uncomfortable with your truth pull away, and the people who value the truth step in. Surround yourself with people who value integrity.
What does the truth do?
Speaking the truth allows others to express it as well.
But living the truth is more important — it permits others to live their truth.
I have learned that it’s not always the truth that people reject but the delivery. Speaking your truth requires a safe space. And you can take some responsibility for creating it. Are you open to receiving the truth? Or do you get defensive?
Bringing it all together.
Stand for the truth. Look for people who support you while you stand in your truth. And create a space for others to stand in theirs as well. It would be a different world if we could do that for ourselves and each other.
A shoutout to truth writers on Medium who inspire me to express my truth.
Ray Williams Jason Edmunds Rose Lee Indigo Sahil Patel Nour Boustani Conscious Commentary Jensipidy”s Pen Winston Jan Sebastian M&Z Amy Huang Carlos Velásquez Henery X Libby Shively McAvoy Dr. Preeti Singh Dr Mehmet Yildiz Dr Michael Heng Jesse M Hawthorne Mona Lazar Moreno Zugaro Matt Lillywhite Lady Dr. Gabriella Korosi Adriianna Lagorio
