The Horrifying Stories of the Space Beneath My Feet Shook My World

How important are we, really?

I was brought up in a confined space with four walls on a hilltop, in a boarding school. If that doesn’t sound confined enough, I’m also from a culture that is conservative, especially towards women.

The above excerpt about my life could sound narrow for some people and liberating for some, that’s because we all come from different parts of the world that shape us.

At 21, I printed out the map of Europe and drew lines with a pencil to plan a solo trip. Something in me screamed to get out, and there it was – a 19-day-long journey across 6 countries and 7 cities.

It was more than just travelling, it was a journey beyond my comfort zone. Little did I know that trip would unleash magic for me. A magic that was there all along inside me, but the space between my ears built walls between us.

We’re Made to Be Fearful

While travel looks lovely on Instagram, it’s not very comfortable in the beginning. For my socially anxious self, being in an unknown place where I don’t know the language or local cuisine was a tough place to be in.

I didn’t sleep at night and hugged my passport and wallet.

More than anything else, I feared for my safety. What if something happened to me? Because this fear was instilled since the beginning. The protocol I’ve followed since childhood is to be as safe as possible because it’s a big bad world outside.

Be careful about stepping out of your house, for somebody will pick you up or do something shameful, is what I heard growing up.

But I closed my eyes and visualised myself happy because visualisation and affirmations have strong power with higher energy. These techniques bring you into alignment with something larger than life, and yourself.

With an aura of joy, you’re energetically indestructible. It’s a tool to tap into the space within you to align with the space around and above you.

And with that faith, I started my journey, and it changed how I look at life forever.

The Berlin Wall Shook The Earth Beneath My Feet

I was walking by the Berlin Wall when I called my father, the person putting his own travel dreams on hold to sponsor mine.

The conversation went something like this,

Me: Hey dad, guess what? I’m walking by the Berlin Wall right now.

Dad: You’re saying that so casually. Do you know how many people struggled and died to cross that wall?

That sentence made me shudder.

It wasn’t just a stroll anymore, but the past and present losing their balance. I slipped into a zone away from reality, into a reality different from my own.

The ground beneath my feet has witnessed much more horror than I could ever fathom. At a different time, the same space where I could walk freely was a battleground.

The same space in a particular era can hold a much different meaning in another, I thought. And the rest of my stroll was a long walk imagining the past in my head, all that I’ve learnt from movies and documentaries.

I thought this would be the deepest experience of my journey, but a few days later, the certainty was shattered.

I again found my tummy wrenching in a different space. This time, I wasn’t walking but sipping coffee in a place where 20,000 people were shot.

Shoes on the Danube Bank

With a cup of coffee in one hand, I sat by the Danube river in Budapest looking at these shoes in front of me.

After a week, my solo travel felt comfortable. It wasn’t the travel bit that was comforting, but the time I spent alone introduced me to parts of myself I did not yet know.

I met elements inside me I had never sat with earlier. While I believed so deeply in the universe, I snubbed away a universe inside of me. A universe that is inside all of us, a universe within that shapes our life on the outside.

Lost in my thoughts, a Hungarian man asked if I was a tourist. We started talking and he questioned if I knew what the shoes on the river bank signify.

I told him I hadn’t taken my walking tour yet to familiarise myself with the area, and didn’t know what the shoes signify.

He told me that during World War II, nearly 20,000 Jews were shot in the river. The shoes on the bank are a memorial erected in 2005 in their memory.

I got closer to the shoes and took a walk. There were manly shoes, ladies' stylish shoes, and worst off, little childrens’ footwear — tiny shoes, smaller than my hand. What must have a child felt when their shoes were removed?

I opened Google and read about it. I couldn’t absorb the magnitude of the information I was given.

Yet again, I moved into a different space and time. I imagined the horror people must’ve gone through. The bench I was casually sitting on was a riverbank with people waiting for their ‘turn’. Or maybe occupied with men carrying guns?

The space beneath my feet again held a deeper history than my reality, a reality I’m privileged enough to not go through.

The Land Beneath My Feet Changed How I Viewed the World

I came back transformed from my trip after these were two of the many experiences I had. I didn’t change because it struck me picturing horrific things, but because something within me evolved.

With this constant back and forth of distinct realities in the same space, I felt insignificant. Everything around me felt insignificant.

Exploring various places gave me exposure to a vast world that exists out there, and how little we are compared to that.

Such a little space that we occupy, a little space we make so big in our heads that our entire life revolves around it. A limited space where we seed and water problems so big, that could actually be sized down to insignificance.

The world is such an enormous space, with an entire outer space around it. Doesn’t that make us shockingly small? Like a speck of dust in the universe? Yet, look how we live our life stressed and depressed with larger-than-life problems.

We are so revolved and involved in the tangles we create for ourselves that we forget we’re just a speck of energy with the vast energy outside us. And most importantly, the energy we ignore within us.

Living Insignificantly to Live More

You and I are insignificant. The space we occupy today will be somebody else’s tomorrow with a different story, a different reality from ours.

Relating my travel experiences to insignificance like a speck of dust reminded me of our brief time on this planet. Since we’re insignificant, all negativity is worth pushing away and the smallest of positives are worth celebrating.

Your problems won’t matter in the long term, nor would your greed. Think of the people who died crossing the Berlin Wall or were shot in the Danube River. What must they be valuing the most at that time? Life. The quest to just live, and live safe.

You and I have that, and by taking it for granted, we’re stubbing the space within. The universal energy inside of us that can do greater good to those around and be supported by the universe outside.

It’s time you make the most out of the space you occupy for however little time that may be. I was born in a place where society drives action backed by fear. How did it help? It only pulled down my faith in my abilities and left my potential untapped.

But there’s more to living than to be in your own little shell. There’s an entire world outside of your shell waiting to be explored, and an entire world within you that’s untouched. Don’t get confined to your little space, and instead make the most out of the space you’re left with at this moment.

How differently would you approach life if you were mindful of how little space you occupy? Would you live more, to make the most of that space in that time? Would you unleash the universe within?

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