It’s a short-filled world
The Hoochie Daddy Shorts Wal-Mart Adventure
Why were those thighs yelling at me like that?
This year, I have enjoyed the strong male thighs walking around in the Hoochie Daddy shorts. The shorts would turn up in the strangest places. Men walked by me on my walks, at the vet, and even at the doctor’s office. Wal-Mart is known for the unusual clothing customers wear there. Something pleasantly surprised me when I turned down an aisle and a man squatted next to the soap powder. The man’s thighs were shouting at me. “Look at me,” they roared.
So I did, squinting my eyes to get a good view. I took a moment to enjoy myself before stepping over to ask the attractive man if I could help him, as I am somewhat of a soap powder expert. Yes, I am a soap powder expert; I have washed clothing for many decades.
Since I am on vacation, I dressed like a natural person. Usually, in Walmart, I have no problem wearing my raggedy sweats and uncombed curly hair under a floppy hat. But since I am out of town, my hair is big and beautiful, I have on lipstick and lashes, and my clothing is fitted and attractive. There are a lot of single women around my husband, so I am dressed nicely. I always like to make sure the women know if you want him — at a minimum, you got to beat what he already has. I will not make that easy for you.
The man explained that he had just brought his first high-efficiency washing machine and dryer. A young woman was also in the aisle; she dashed down and said she could also help him. She squatted down next to him and showed him the box markings explaining which laundry detergents were designed for the high-efficiency machines. I was standing back, watching and making side comments now and then. If the correct washing powder is not used in a HE washer, it could fill your laundry room floor to ceiling with washing powder suds and foam.
When the man stood up, oh my goodness, he was about 6’2” tall with a fitted polo shirt and plain blue shorts, but on those thighs sticking out of the end of those shorts. Yet another woman came into the aisle to help him make his detergent decision.
I had a pleasant view of those powerful thighs, so I did not move. I kept saying things like, Yes; I use that one. You don’t need hot water to get clothing clean, and whatever washing type sayings came into my mind as I watched the young women work him over.
By now, there were three women in the aisle. He started talking to me because I was the only one with a wedding ring. I was safe. I made sure not to join the hair flipping, eyelash batting, breast poking out, and subtle butt jigging contest going on around me. I did not flip, bat, jiggle or stick anything out since my vows limited me to looking by the rules of my marriage. I did not stop looking like an attractive older married woman, nor did I stop admiring the man.
The man smiled at the women while talking, obviously pleased to have so much help to uncover a solution to his laundry question. He and I picked a detergent, a fabric softener, non-chlorine bleach, and fabric sheets. I suspect that since I was married; I was no perceived threat. Haha, haha, if they only knew the younger me. One woman broke off and went down the aisle as the other two offered their opinions about the product choices.
By now, I had no idea what I had come into the Wal-Mart to buy. I turned and walked away from the women and the man to call my husband and ask him if he knew what I was supposed to be buying. He did not. I stared at my phone as if it would tell me, but I had not made a list as this was a one-item trip.
As I put my cart back, I noticed one of the young women was lurking near the checkouts. I deduced she was going to bump into the man as he left. I gave her a salute, a smile, and a wink. Smart girl. Staking out a game trail is always a good idea.
More Laughter From Toni Crowe
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