The Hidden Truth — Too Much Empathy Is Hazardous to Your Health
Beware the emotional snare
Now before you call me nasty names, let me explain.
I don’t have a mean bone in my body.
But I once had a fragile heart. I wanted to be in the shoes of everyone who was suffering; so caught up in their pain that I buried my own.
What is empathy?
It is our ability to share the thoughts and feel the emotions of somebody else as if they were our own.
Olga Klimecki, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Germany says,
“When we share the suffering of others too much, our negative emotions increase. It carries the danger of an emotional burnout.”
If we get too caught up in how others are feeling, we drain our own cognitive and emotional resources.
I’m guilty of doing that in my first marriage. My ex had a huge chip on his shoulder and blamed everything and everybody for what was wrong in his life. As the loyal wife I fiercely defended his feelings until one day I woke up at 34 and said this is nonsense — I don’t know who I am any more.
We have to set boundaries for our own well-being or we are of no help to ourselves or others. We cannot always allow other people’s feelings to take precedence over our own.
How can we stop doing that?
Practice compassion
We cannot be compassionate without empathy.
The difference is we create a distance between another person’s feelings and our own. We can acknowledge their suffering, their pain but maintain our self-awareness while doing so.
That’s how we develop our emotional intelligence.
Weighing up our own needs is not selfish.
It’s vital we create an emotional balance whereby another person’s feelings don’t overwhelm us.
This enables us to go a step further than showing empathy.
Compassion requires us to offer a helping hand or just listen. But WE decide what is appropriate and when. Not because we’re unkind or don’t care.
Sometimes we’ve also had a tough day and need time out. Our energy is depleted and we don’t feel able to offer that helping hand right then. Unless it’s an emergency, we can just say “I’ve had one hell of a day myself — can we talk about it tomorrow?”
Cultivating Compassion
Here are some fertilizers to help grow your compassion:
- Love yourself unconditionally
- Practice self-compassion
- Perform acts of kindness with no desire for reward
- Forgive yourself and others
- Do not blame or judge
- Engage in meditation or mindfulness
Happy gardening!
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Thanks for reading.
