The Hidden Danger Of Being A Generous Person
A Solution
If there is an aspect of my personality that I like, it is being generous.
What does it mean? Being openhanded is giving without asking. For people like me, giving is a joy. It is a free act based on a positive mood and not on a need to get something back. People who receive know that my behavior comes from the heart and they appreciate it. At least I hope so.
It means that when my neighbor needs help with her cats during her holidays; I help her. It means that if I have a nice new shirt that I don’t wear; I give it to a friend, hoping she doesn’t feel offended by the gift. I buy little gifts when I have the money, or at least I spend money on other people. I lend my books, my clothes. I share what I have. If I have furniture that I don’t use anymore, I give it to a friend. If someone invites me for dinner, I cook and bring food or wine, and help with the dishes.
Where is the danger? The problem starts when a giving person enters the world of business: when you work with someone; you get to know each other well and as soon as they realize you are generous, many requests seem to come your way.
“Could you please update my CV? Do you know how to improve my LinkedIn profile?”
“Could you prepare the list of attendees for this event? Thank you for your generous help.”
It usually starts with a nice email, then a long phone call with the explanation of the project, and at the very end they mention their request: “By the way, wouldn’t you like to help me?” It is as if every office or professional needs a helping hand.
This is the difficult part because when you are generous, you find it hard not to give, and to say no. It is against your nature; it is too big a challenge. Yet in the world of work, giving something for free could make you feel other people are using you and your personality to have a free service, instead of paying someone else for it.
Sometimes I am afraid that if I say no, they might not like me anymore and avoid offering me paid work. After all, it is not only about benevolence, it’s also about getting other people’s approval. It affects our insecurities.
So what is the solution? And which priority would you take when you are generous and busy, and you give value to your work?
I have a couple of sentences I use. One is structured like this: I have something more important to do. For example, “Sorry, I have some important project to complete for my boss, and it is urgent”.
Another solution to the frequent requests I get in these hard times is saying, “Sorry, I am too busy, I have no time.” This is tricky, you need to be careful with the time span because someone might reply “No problem, I am in no hurry, you could do it in two months’ time.”
I know I cannot change my personality and become less generous, and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and disappoint others, yet I am sure I will spend my life learning how to say no!