An Alternative Lens on Prayer

Insights from the life of a pseudo-Christian

I grew up in a Catholic family where prayer and attending Masses on Sundays were part of the usual way of life. I was an exemplary believer, at least on paper. But what was I really? Anything but exemplary.

In practice, despite adhering to the way of life of a true Christian and receiving all the Christian sacraments, I felt as if Christianity was passing me by and barely touching me.

When praying, I recited words and sentences mechanically, as if I didn’t believe in them at all. My recitation of prayers reminded me of how we would recite the alphabet if someone asked us to. It was a rapid, machine gun-like prayer.

At the same time, I regularly attended Mass, although I wasn’t mentally present there at all. As a result of my boredom, I was unable to banish thoughts about everyday life, money, sex, love, and politics, which would come flooding in during the boring sermons.

Although someone might think, as I do now, that such a practice of Christianity makes no sense, I still didn’t give up on it. Who knows for what reasons?

Maybe because I didn’t want to disappoint my Christian friends and relatives, or maybe because of the fear of God’s judgment. Who knows, maybe he does exist after all, so it’s good to keep him on my side just in case.

The Power of Mind

I continued this pseudo-Christian way of life until my thirties, when things began to change dramatically. Over time, I prayed to God less and attended Sunday Masses with lower frequency. This change in behaviour coincided with the birth of my child, which left me with less free time.

I also became a passionate reader of books, especially those in the fields of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. The books had a significant effect on me in the sense that I began to question everything, and I no longer took some “truths” for granted, including those that my family and surroundings had served me since birth.

As I delved deeper into philosophical topics, I discovered the incredible power of thoughts and mind in creating one’s own life. I realized that the power of the mind is so strong that everything, good or bad, what we like or don’t like, all fears, excitements, achievements, and despair, depends on nothing but our minds.

Although external circumstances may seem to greatly influence how we feel, it’s not actually the case. The truth is that all our happiness and unhappiness reside in our minds and nowhere else.

We may choose to be unhappy if our partner leaves us or if we don’t receive a raise or promotion. However, the reality is that we have voluntarily associated negative thoughts of unhappiness with the events I have mentioned. By doing so, we inadvertently create our own problems.

Do We Need Prayer?

So, why pray to someone to fix problems we’ve created ourselves?

While prayer may or may not change our circumstances, the true and reliable attainment of happiness, contentment, and peace of mind depends only on our minds.

Some people may not agree with this because they have had positive experiences with prayer. Perhaps someone has achieved their desires and found inner peace through prayer. However, even in that case, it seems to me that prayer is like a roundabout way of making our desires come true. Why rely on someone’s grace, luck, and mere chance when we already have all the prerequisites to manifest something that we are looking for?

Knowing that by owning our own mind we already possess all the prerequisites to achieve the state we want, praying to God may seem like asking for more than what is necessary.

I am even inclined to believe that prayer can be a sign of ingratitude toward what we already have. And we have everything we need, namely our own mind. This is the truth I want to share with you.

Furthermore, if we look at this from another perspective, we can find more facts supporting the argument of ingratitude. Namely, how dare we ask God for something as insignificant as stopping thunder, getting the desired job, finding a partner, or staying healthy and living a long life, preferably forever, while at the same time, millions of innocent people are dying every day?

Aren’t they the first in line for God to help them? And wouldn’t God have already helped them if he had decided to help someone? Why do we, as usual, push ourselves forward?

Must we be selfish even in our prayers?

We may be selfish because we want this little “me” to prevail forever, at all costs. However, at the same time, we want to appear as good. Therefore, we suppress thoughts about selfishness, rendering ourselves unaware of them, all the while continuing to pray for self-centered desires undisturbed.

We might be unable to let go of prayer because it may seem like the last hope of salvation before the inevitable, namely, the dissolution of our individual “I.”

However, that “I” represents a mess that we ourselves have created, so it’s time to clean it up ourselves. Let’s stop constantly relying on someone else, whether it’s God, the State, or mother’s breast.

On the contrary, let’s free ourselves from the shackles of dependency and let’s go on living with full responsibility.

With or without prayer.

Thank you for reading my story.