Clitstory Lesson
The Hand Job Industrial Revolution
Cure hysteria with this one weird trick!
Doctors invented the vibrator because their arms hurt.
It was the Victorian Era, and medical professionals of the day were wrestling with a plague of “hysteria” among their female patients. So doctors put their heads together and discovered many feminine complaints could be solved with a “pelvic massage” that produced a “hysterical paroxysm.” This caused women to leave the office in a much better state of mind than when they came in.
Lest anyone be deceived, it was well understood these were not orgasms. Women could only experience those through intercourse, of course. But whatever they called it, doctors still had to deal with waiting rooms full of hysterical women in need of ye olde medicinal finger bang.
Is that service still offered? Would insurance cover it?
The doctors themselves were struggling with the workload and it was taking a toll on them. Men, I think we can all appreciate that. I hope so, anyway. If not, either you have been very lucky in your choice of partners, or they have been very unlucky in their choice of you. Show some class, guys. A gentleman never leaves a lady hanging. You may be excused when you are out of strength, batteries, and working electrical outlets, but not before. Rule to live by.
Looking back, it seems inconvenient to involve doctors in this transaction. Bean tweaking is not rocket science. But the Victorians did love their sex-negative religion, which had a long list of rules with stiff consequences. In particular, a lady’s love bump was decreed to be a strictly hands-off proposition — Satan’s Doorbell was not to be rung!
In other words, God gave girls an ON button but decreed no one gets to touch it. Hey, don’t ask me. This is the same Hairy Thunderer who gave Adam and Eve an apple tree as a housewarming present, then bulldozed the joint when they ate the fruit. It’s said the Lord works in mysterious ways, but that shit’s messed up.
Part of the problem is men have always found the female orgasm very scary for some reason. Personally I’m a huge fan, and I’ve always been envious. God or no God, if I had a muffin to buff I’d have no fingerprints left.
However, there was a medical exemption — it turned out over-the-counter pelvic massage was a fearsome sin, but God gave it a thumbs up if you had a prescription. Doctors were not pleased, however. Apparently “professional beaver brusher” was not considered to be a fulfilling occupation. Or perhaps because whoever said “Tis better to give than receive” was full of it. Women may be able to relate.
Fortunately, American physician George Taylor developed a solution. Unfortunately, it wasn’t very convenient.
“The Manipulator,” was invented in 1869. (T)he patient-interface component was about the size of a dining room table, and had a cutout area for a vibrating sphere. And the steam engine that powered the reciprocating motion of the sphere was located in a separate room from the patient.
“Doctors didn’t like it because you couldn’t move it and take it with you on a house call, and they also didn’t enjoy shoveling coal into it.”
Could anything be more male than choosing coal shoveling over arm day at the Y?
“Hey, doc. Could you rub right here until I, err, paroxysm?”
“I could. But I’d rather build a giant, smoke-belching machine to do it. Then I can just put in a few minutes of work and leave you to handle the rest. I’m busy the rest of the week, but maybe we can hook up later.”
The happy ending is that technology does what it does, improve. By 1900 there were home models available, so a woman’s rumblings of dissatisfaction could be replaced by a satisfying rumble. Vibrators were so popular they were one of the first electric home appliances available, trailing only sewing machines, fans, kettles and toasters. It was a little surprising they came before vacuum cleaners, but I approve. Never forget, sweeping the carpet is more important than keeping the carpet swept. That’s another rule to live by.
John Werth is a 12x Top Writer, but on a platform in Canada which is why you don’t know her. He finds writing more tiring than exercise, which he compensates for by not exercising. If by some miracle you have room in your inbox, consider filling it with a subscription to get his stories.