FAMILY | RELATIONSHIPS | GIFTS

The Greatest Gift of All

The one thing we can all afford

As I wrapped and packed Christmas gifts for my son and his family on the other side of the country, I included a book my son had made in school. He’d created it at the age my grandson is now, and I thought my grandson would enjoy this glimpse of his father as a boy.

The book is more than just a book. It holds a bigger message.

It’s a reminder everything we do might hold a greater meaning.

The book starts with a teacher who did this project with her class. She might not have considered it could become a family keepsake.

I, the mother, saved it as I saved other little treasures from my children’s childhood. I kept a scrapbook of their drawings over the years. Not everything they did, but ones that stuck out as a bit more special or of a stage in their development.

For 30-some years, I kept his book and now thought of giving it to my adult son. A gift not of monetary value. It is one of a kind. Priceless. As are all gifts from the heart.

When my son created this book as a child, he had no way of knowing the importance it might hold in the future or that he’d someday be reading it to his son.

A reminder that what we say and do matters and that it holds more value than we think.

We give gifts to bring joy to others.

And I love how excited my grandson is when he receives a box of gifts from his relatives far away.

I loved receiving the photo from his mom of his carefully cutting open the box to have a peek inside.

I loved how he put it all back in the box and taped it up to wait until they put up their Christmas tree so he could place the gifts under the tree.

I had not wrapped his father’s childhood storybook.

I wanted my grandson to have something to enjoy before Christmas day. And now I share with you the story my son wrote as a little boy that his son now gets to enjoy.

Allen and I went into an old house. We were whispering as we crept down a dark hall.

All of a sudden a white something whirled past wiping us off our feet and went into the darkness.

We followed up the smelly old attic. We stopped.

and looked around. On the floor at my feet there was a sword. It was rusty and musty.

I tried to pick it up but it flew away. It smashed the window out.

We ran down the stairs like 2 bullets.

Our hearts were thumping in her chest as if we had run 20,000 miles.

We stopped to catch our breath and came face-to-face with the…

Ghost. We burned rubber up the steps to the attic and jumped out the window.

The childhood drawings and words make me smile.

The simple, basic lines, a reminder we don’t need to be perfect at everything we do.

We don’t need to be perfect to show our love to those around us. Just be more aware that what we do matters.

I think of brief interactions with people as a child that have had a lifelong impact on my life. They probably have no idea of the impact their words and actions had on my life. It is an awareness and a reminder to be as kind as possible to others, aware that something I say or do may bring meaning into another’s life.

A lot of what I learned about family comes not from what my parents did but more from the things they didn’t do.

They didn’t see the value of the emotional side of life.

It was supposed to be enough as long as they fed, clothed, and provided a roof over our heads. But love and attention were missing.

I tried my best to provide that emotional part to my relationships with my children. To give them emotional support, to make sure they knew they were loved no matter what they did.

We had little money and couldn’t give them much of what money could buy. My husband and I gave them what mattered most — love and acceptance of who they were.

The best gifts cost nothing.

Sharing a part of ourselves with those closest to us from one generation to the next is the best gift we can give.

As an older adult and a grandparent, I have all the material possessions I need and have become more aware of the importance of what I pass on to those I love.

Last year, I sorted through all our family photographs and divided them between our three children and three grandchildren. You can read about it here.

I didn’t have this kind of relationship with my grandparents. They were two elderly people who barely said anything to me. I want my grandchildren to have more than that.

Time is worth more than all the money in the world.

But we so often forget that time and attention are what our children want most from us. Listening to them. Spending time with them. Getting to know them as individuals, not just as our children. Making sure they know they are loved.

Barbara Carter — Artist and writer with a focus on healing from childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and living her best authentic life.