The Glue That Makes Love Work

It’s all about gratitude and forgiveness

The buzz when you first meet is exciting. Chemistry trickles through your veins and wells in your heart.

But we place too much emphasis on biology when examining romantic love and not enough on what keeps people together.

Chemistry rules if you want a short, passionate affair. However, an ever-increasing sense of longing soon fades if you rely on attraction as glue to help your love stick.

One day, your beloved will study you through disenchanted eyes. They will discover the God/Goddess they assumed they were dating is real like them: flawed, not pedestal material.

“I can’t understand what goes wrong every time.”

Jessica told me about another break-up with someone who seemed to be a potential long-term player.

“We couldn’t get enough of each other. But the exhilaration disappeared. He went his way, and I mine.”

Jessie’s experience is typical. You get together with someone who melts your heart and gives you goosebumps. Next thing you know, the relationship’s fallen flat.

She asked the all-important question.

“Why can’t I make relationships work?”

For bonds to grow rather than break, couples must put in the hard graft. And no one wants to hear those words. After all, love shouldn’t be complicated, surely?

Hard work, nonetheless, need not hurt. It’s rewarding. Just consider a job you love for a moment.

To get results, you can’t close your eyes and manifest a positive outcome. You must be productive. Doing whatever’s required feels good, though. It’s satisfying, and your work builds into something bigger.

Relationships, too, expand when couples put in the work needed to keep love alive and healthy.

Forgiveness and gratitude play a massive role in making love long-term. Your partner will disappoint you. Not because they are mean or insensitive but because they are human. And you’ll do the same.

One day, your beloved will study you through disenchanted eyes. They will discover the person they assumed they were dating is real and, like them, flawed, not pedestal material.

You’re better off not being placed on a podium, anyway. Once up there, you have a long way to fall, and fall, you must.

My ego loves your ego

Without a doubt, initial dates with someone you fancy are chemical-filled dreams. You’re high, as though you’re on drugs.

The cocktail your body releases — happy hormones — makes life a big celebration.

What you love about your date, however, is an ideal. It’s all about what you think or hope they are and not about the real them.

One day, your beloved will study you through disenchanted eyes. They will discover the person they assumed they were dating is real like them, flawed, not pedestal material.

You project your fantasy onto your beloved and see through rose-tinted spectacles.

As you observe the good they do and overlook negativity, you mindlessly trundle along, thinking you’ve met the partner of your dreams.

At this point, your ego connects with theirs. It’s a case of “my ego fancies yours because we resonate on a similar level right now.”

Genuine love flows later if you give it the chance. Most people ditch potential lifelong partners when they first face disillusionment.

But that’s the time to get cracking, forgive their faults, and develop gratitude for the positivity they bring.

The truth about why some relationships work

Without struggle and tenderness in equal measures, people don’t shift past ego love to real love.

Find any happy couple who’ve been together for years, and you can be sure chemistry didn’t make them gel.

At some point, many fell out and chose to sort out their problems. They disagreed but decided their affair was valuable enough to stimulate positive action.

Long-term couples don’t rely on biology to make things work. Nor do they imagine they are made for each other.

They are proud they care enough about their relationship to team up when the going gets tough and see through their struggles.

Romantic love — caused by chemistry — is fun. It’s pleasurable. It’s a roller coaster. But it’s not the same as true love that fights against the odds.

If you want your relationship to last, you must be kind and reiterate what you’ve got going for you as a couple.

Focus on what works and be glad; you stand a good chance of survival as two rather than one.