The Glory Of Dave: The Man Who Changed A Bunch Of Outcasts’ Lives
He was divorced, almost 30 years older than us, an alcoholic, and foreclosed on. And he was the best online friend we should never have had.
When I was 18, I had a small group of friends on a video chat platform that all logged into one specific chatroom. We all just kind of ran into each other online. Some of us just were there to pass through, but stuck. Others just showed up. Eventually, we had a solid group we always had on.
There, I made a core group of friends — some who I still talk to today. Our chats went on for years, up until we all grew up well into our mid-20s. We were all weird and wacky in our own way, but one, in particular, stands out to me today: Dave.
Let’s meet the misfits…
Well, yes and no. The act itself was normal-ish for 2006 when it started, but the people involved were anything but normal. We were misfits to the core, especially when it came to our lives. We gave each other code names, because of course we did. Here’s the cast, plus our ages when we met:
- I, “Zeebs,” was not normal. My brain was silly putty thanks to heavy drug use and being trafficked. I was always dressed in short outfits and had a serious eating disorder. I also self-injured for fun, put out cigarettes on my tongue, and I called my injury marks “zebra stripes.”
- Z was the most normal. Z was a preppy football player from a very rich neighborhood. He was slightly younger than me. Think Kelso from That 70s Show. He was 18 and from a Connecticut suburb.
- Nobody was not normal. He was a guy from Germany who usually appeared on video in a gas mask and goth clothing. He claimed he was on the run for assaulting a German cop, but we all thought he was full of it. He had an encyclopedic knowledge of plants. He was 22.
- Hotdog was not normal. He was a gamer and geek from Scotland. He was 18, too. Occasionally, he’d hack something because he thought it was funny. He was into anarchy and was a bit of a firebug. He occasionally would light stuff on fire on camera for fun.
- Teresa was not normal. Teresa was an alternative girl who lived in Scotland, too. She was a bit younger than us at 17 and wanted to be a goth model. She and Hotdog dated for a while.
- Feral was not normal. Feral was a supergenius who was already working on a doctorate degree in her early 20s. She was also a crust punk who enjoyed drinking. We dated on and off. She randomly traveled to places on the backs of freight trains or had friends drive her places.
- Dave was normal-ish. Dave was 45 years old, a divorced guy, and a serious alcoholic living in Texas. His favorite thing to do was talk about his cats, and talk about us. His wife cheated on him and was an all-around nightmare.
There were others, too, including a guy from Puerto Rico who loved to use the toilet while on video call with us for no apparent reason. Oh, and there was a cheerleader named Dogs and a quiet Indian kid from my school who liked to hack things. But, I’m just giving you a run-through of my friends.
Dave may have been the oldest one by a long shot, but we adored him.
Dave was not a goth, or a hacker. He was a simple insurance salesman who was divorced and older. When he wasn’t working, he was talking to us. We were literally his only friends, simply because most adults thought he was boring.
Honestly, I couldn’t see why people didn’t give him a chance. He was, inadvertently, one of the coolest old dudes I had met in my teenage years. He also was the reason why I still spoke to men after being abused for so long.
Hotdog, Z, and Nobody often found him to be kind of a dad figure. If not a dad figure, he acted like an older brother or odd drinking buddy. More often than not, he was a kind ear and a voice of reason — especially for hot-headed Hotdog.
I know how the age gap sounds, but it wasn’t creepy. Dave was just the cool dude. He never asked for anything. Rather, he was just there for the craziness that happens when you put a bunch of nerds from around the world together.
Nowadays, this would have been way inappropriate. And maybe to a point, it was back then, either. But, he was just a lonely dude who didn’t have anyone to talk to, and we were just a bunch of lonely young folks who had no social home of our own. It made us all bond and turn into a ragtag family.
Dave was the friend that everybody needs to have.
It was weird for people who peeped our interactions to see this old dude with a bunch of gothy, geeky, and often freaky teenagers. I often was asked why I was talking to a guy twice my age. People didn’t believe me when I said it was platonic, but it was. He was never inappropriate to any of us.
Thing is, Dave was special to us. Even though he was older and constantly wearing button-downs, every single one of us adored him. He was a beautiful soul who deserved so much better than he got. Why did we love having him around? These situations show what kind of dude he was…
- When I got drunk on my 21st birthday and stripped on camera, he was the one telling me to put my clothes back on. He was a no-nonsense dude. He didn’t have creepy motives towards me or any of the other girls. That alone was so unique, because we often only saw older guys who wanted our bodies. He gave us hope in the male gender.
- He knew how to keep us on track with random discussions, make inside jokes, or just make us laugh. He started this whole game involving showing the palms of your hands to the camera and we’d all say “PLAMS!” He was also a master of deadpan humor.
- No matter how lame others found us, he found us to be the coolest people ever. He’s also the one who taught me that people will always remember how you make them feel. He made a point of making each of us feel amazing when others taunted us.
- When Teresa’s dad died, he was the one who sent her a bracelet. He couldn’t really afford to do it, but he did it. He had it engraved with a message about living with a father’s memory. She still wears it today.
- Dave made us realize that there was nothing wrong with us. He often told us how he wished he could be young so he wouldn’t have gone “the mainstream” route. He encouraged us to be ourselves, even when everyone else hated us.
- When Hotdog wanted to kill himself, it was Z and Dave who got him help. That just goes to show what a real friend he was.
Dave, like many other men, often felt undervalued in this world.
He felt ignored and alone, except when he was with us. It’s what drove him to drink. Eventually, after his home was foreclosed on, he drank himself to death. I only found out a month after his funeral — one which Teresa flew from Scotland to attend. Hotdog and Z sent gifts to his grave, too.
The older I get, the more I realize that there are thousands, if not millions, of Daves out there. There are tons of guys who just want to have a core group of friends that he can just talk to and make laugh. But, for one reason or another, they don’t find that in their in-life circles.
Maybe they’re young, maybe they’re old. But, the theme is still the same. They’re great guys who feel like they’re left in the shadows. Little do they know, though, that the world appreciates them a lot more than they think. And more importantly, little weirdos like me look up to the Daves of the world.
Dave was a friend who changed my life (and everyone else’s) because he was an older dude who gave a shit. Dave was a great person who didn’t prey on us, even though he probably could have. He was a father figure to those of us who had no dads, and was a natural comedian.
Dave is the best part of Joe Everyman. Dave was far from perfect, and the furthest thing from stereotypical success. Yet, he was a rock in a world that treated us “odd ones out” like freaks. That was his quiet strength.
Obviously, there was the troubling fact that he was so much older.
Obviously, Dave was not a groomer. But he was a lonely man and he had a group of friends who were equally as lonely as he was. Was it concerning that he was that much older than us? Yeah, and honestly, he probably should have gotten help.
If he had gotten counseling, he’d probably still be alive today. If he had found a group of friends his own age in his town, he’d probably still be alive today. Looking back, I feel like I should have realized that the needed help. None of us understood that back then.
In an ideal world, people around him would have given him the chance that we as teens did. But hey, no one did. This is something I see time and time again, especially with myself now that I’m older. It’s an ugly thing, how society tends to punish the lonely.
To a point, I think a lot of our exclusionary behavior is what causes people to act out in weird ways or get desperate. But, I digress. The point is, Dave was a wonderful but troubled man. And I learned a lot of empathy from seeing the world through his eyes.
If you’re a Dave, understand that you’re way more important than you think you are.
I see Dave in the eyes of many people who need a friend, especially when it comes to the aftereffects of the pandemic. Daves of the world, I want you to know something.
If you’re the guy who just wants a friend to talk to and hang out with online, and you treat your friends well, you deserve the world. You deserve friends and honestly, it’s just a matter of reaching out till you find the right ones. And trust, people see when you’re a good person to others, even if you think no one is looking.
On a similar note, romance isn’t everything nor does it always fix lonely.
Dave never had much luck in the romance department, but I’d be damned if I could find a guy who had as loyal a band of weirdos like he did. (We often tried to help, even to the point of trying makeovers with him. As it turned out, being a goth didn’t look good on a guy who looked like a car salesman.)
Guys, you’re not just valued about how much you can pay for a date or what you do for work. If you work hard at making others smile and are a decent human being, you can find a crowd of weirdos who see your personality.
Dave was not sexy, nor was he a millionaire. He was deeply troubled and most would have warned us away from him. But what made him special was his heart of gold and the way he always made us smile. That’s why we still think about him, even though he died years ago.
I often wonder why our society blames people for being lonely, rather than encouraging people to be open to new friendships.
A good personality and genuine interest in someone matters. A lot. The right people will gravitate to that, if you let them. These days, though, people are increasingly leery and uninterested in giving others that chance.
Trust me when I say that there are a bunch of people out there who need a friend like Dave, perhaps now more than ever. How do I know? I’m often alone, myself.
And yeah, I miss that dude a lot.
