The Gift of NOTHING Made my Daughter’s Life Happier

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n her room making her space more and more claustrophobic.</p><p id="97fe">So, I quit my job again and moved to Spain with no job. We lived off of savings and then I spent almost all of that on a house. So now, for the first time, money was really tight. I had to say no. I said it over and over again. Can I have a new iphone? No! Can I have a skateboard fully kitted out? No! Can we go to Paris? No!</p><p id="f3eb">It was hell, she pouted, she tantrumed. She didn’t understand why the rules were different. Things were rough for a while.</p><p id="ef37">Slowly things began to change though. Because she couldn’t get what she wanted the minute she wanted it, she learned to really think about what she wanted. Ninety percent of what she thought she wanted one day, she didn’t want the next week.</p><p id="fa63">Things that really were important to her like that fully kitted out skateboard were put together little by little. She won the board at a skate competition. Her aunt and I splurged to get her the best trucks a few months later, her uncle did a custom job on the grip tape, and then her aunt, in an act of selfless generosity, gifted her the wheels off of her own skateboard.</p><p id="9dd3">Every piece of that board means something to her and she uses it all the time.</p><p id="a315">Now when I give her something (not very frequently) she gets excited about it. She says “Thank you!” and jumps up and hugs me.</p><p id="dd23">When I can swing it, we go camping on the beach with friends and she doesn’t complain about anything.</p><h2 id="1b71">It has also made her friendships stronger.</h2><p id="ecd5">She loves her friends because of who they are, not because of what they wear or what kind of backpack they have. Brands have largely lost their hold on her, aside from loving Vans shoes which she gets second hand.</p><h2 id="232e">She has started to value and understand money.</h2><p id="2248">For the first time ever, she asked if she could see our fin

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ances. I showed her what our monthly expenses were and how much I am making teaching classes online.</p><h2 id="b8d7">She is now empathetic and understands that not everyone has what they need. She knows what it feels like to want something and not be able to get it. No “Let them eat cake” mentality anymore.</h2><p id="7e56">Being a parent is hard. I didn’t consciously set out to teach my daughter all of those lessons. I just knew that we were not very happy and now we are happier. Life is not perfect by any means, I sometimes freak out about not having enough money coming in. I still have passionate disagreements with my her, but I love and respect her and delight in seeing how she grows and changes.</p><p id="120d"><a href="undefined">Livia Dabs RN,MSc</a> has an excellent article about how she differentiates between a wealthy life and a rich life.</p><div id="1fda" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/5-reasons-you-should-choose-wealthy-life-instead-of-the-rich-one-90bf163f655"> <div> <div> <h2>5 Reasons You Should Choose Wealthy Life Instead Of The Rich One</h2> <div><h3>Tim Denning is right and choosing wealthy life is the way to happiness</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*pRQ7-FK4fC1dxjaVZtJjww.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d77d"><i>If you want to <a href="/@kiadecou/membership">sign up for Medium</a> so you can read all of the stories and write them too, consider using <a href="/@kiadecou/membership">my link</a>. Part of your $5 monthly fee will go to me but it won’t cost you any more, yippee, we both win. Then you can get started writing and I can read your articles too! I can’t wait to see what you have to say.</i></p></article></body>

And mine too!

Photo by Author: Store window in Japan just before Christmas

Being a parent is hard, at least I find it hard. From the first day I found out I was pregnant to now, I was pressured to do this or that, to NOT do this or that, and absolutely, positively never ever do THAT!

There are so many things to consider every day and you think OK, I have this tiny baby, I am going to do everything right, but then life gets in the way and it becomes impossible. There are so many Catch 22s, it is enough to drive you crazy.

I want to give my daughter everything and help her craft a remarkable life. At the same time, I don’t want her to have a sense of entitlement and I want her to make her own mistakes and learn from them. But, and this is a big but, when she was little I was exhausted. I was working full time teaching in the States at a high school where the students needed so much. I was also cooking and cleaning and shopping so our house didn’t fall apart.

I was buckling under the pressure, so I got a new job in Japan, one that paid better and gave me a bit more free time so I could take her to Disney Sea and Bali. I could afford to buy her stuff and that felt good.

Four years later, I realized that this was not the way I wanted to raise her either. When I rented a house with a pool in Bali for a month all I heard were complaints that the pool was not the right kind of pool, she was too hot, she was bored…

When I got her a new toy or dress, it was accepted with a smile and then lost into the heap of stuff in her room. She didn’t really enjoy it but God forbid I should try to get rid of some of it. It sat in her room making her space more and more claustrophobic.

So, I quit my job again and moved to Spain with no job. We lived off of savings and then I spent almost all of that on a house. So now, for the first time, money was really tight. I had to say no. I said it over and over again. Can I have a new iphone? No! Can I have a skateboard fully kitted out? No! Can we go to Paris? No!

It was hell, she pouted, she tantrumed. She didn’t understand why the rules were different. Things were rough for a while.

Slowly things began to change though. Because she couldn’t get what she wanted the minute she wanted it, she learned to really think about what she wanted. Ninety percent of what she thought she wanted one day, she didn’t want the next week.

Things that really were important to her like that fully kitted out skateboard were put together little by little. She won the board at a skate competition. Her aunt and I splurged to get her the best trucks a few months later, her uncle did a custom job on the grip tape, and then her aunt, in an act of selfless generosity, gifted her the wheels off of her own skateboard.

Every piece of that board means something to her and she uses it all the time.

Now when I give her something (not very frequently) she gets excited about it. She says “Thank you!” and jumps up and hugs me.

When I can swing it, we go camping on the beach with friends and she doesn’t complain about anything.

She is now empathetic and understands that not everyone has what they need. She knows what it feels like to want something and not be able to get it. No “Let them eat cake” mentality anymore.

Being a parent is hard. I didn’t consciously set out to teach my daughter all of those lessons. I just knew that we were not very happy and now we are happier. Life is not perfect by any means, I sometimes freak out about not having enough money coming in. I still have passionate disagreements with my her, but I love and respect her and delight in seeing how she grows and changes.

Livia Dabs RN,MSc has an excellent article about how she differentiates between a wealthy life and a rich life.

If you want to sign up for Medium so you can read all of the stories and write them too, consider using my link. Part of your $5 monthly fee will go to me but it won’t cost you any more, yippee, we both win. Then you can get started writing and I can read your articles too! I can’t wait to see what you have to say.