The Gift I Never Gave

And the girl I never met

I turn to writing whenever I need to process thoughts or emotions, especially when they're ugly. It allows me to move on with my day and do more productive things. You should know that the idea for this article resulted from an incident with an online blogging friend. Up until this point, the idea of writing this particular article never even crossed my mind.

One with whom I shared all of my vulnerabilities, late into the night, several hours a week since Spring 2021 if I recall. Messaging each other online to do these “mental wellness” check-ins — we were that close. I have a history of making frenemies wherever I go, either online or in the real world. So clearly, I am very bad at gauging people's emotions online as well. I think it might be best if I don't make any new friends for a while since they might end up becoming my next frenemy.

Or Maybe It’s Me.

Maybe I am the one who is to blame for this very unexpected falling out. No notice or anything — she just blocks me on every social media platform without a goodbye or anything. I’ve seen a lot of hatred and negative energy in the world, and I personally don’t care if this is to protect one’s mental health by setting boundaries. What boundaries, exactly? I honestly feel insulted and attacked.

👉 Related article: Boundaries Matter

Maybe it’s my indifference that’s so off-putting to people. I honestly don’t even know anymore.

I'm still not certain as to why she would do this and give me the ultimate “screw you” but it is possible that she was experiencing some kind of emotional turmoil at this time. Irritability, anger, or just not being in a good mental state can have an effect on someone's behavior. While it is understandable that some people would want to block other users on social media, blocking someone as a form of punishment is inexcusable. As someone who spends a lot of time online, I deserve to be treated with respect.

It doesn’t matter if our political views are different. We can still communicate in a mature and respectful way. She accused me of “name-calling" in regards to our Prime Minister, who I dislike anyway, and that it “isn’t high school”. It should really come as no surprise that I have a nickname for the Prime Minister. Clearly, I couldn’t care less about politics and rather stay out of political discussions. Despite our differences in politics, I still tried to handle our debates with grace and a level of professionalism. Also, I tried to help us put our differences aside and move forward with our friendship. In the end, friendship should be more important than politics.

I’ve tried to show her that I’m a good person and can take the higher road in these situations. However, this morning I woke up to find she had blocked me on social media. I didn’t even get a goodbye which is really upsetting. Am I entitled to be upset? Absolutely!

Personally, I feel attacked because I valued our friendship. I thought we were adults who had some level of emotional maturity and understanding, but clearly, our viewpoints were so vastly different that I guess I set her over the edge with my one remark. Anyways, she threw away a good friend as it was her decision to block me. Whilst I don’t tolerate mind games at all, if someone blocks me on one platform but not all then I would generally give them the benefit of the doubt; however, if they block me on ALL of my platforms that they could see then it’s probably safe to assume that they are not interested in restoring our friendship.

The Gift I Will Never Give

I couldn't decide what to do with her birthday gift, so I decided to give the chocolate to my husband. I also got a cute notebook which I'll use for keeping track of daily to-do lists. I got her an adult coloring kit, which I knew she would have liked, and remembered that self-care is important and relaxing. I was going to meet her earlier this year because we happen to live in the same city, but I suffer from social anxiety, so it wasn’t an easy or feasible thing to do for me at the time.

I am a blogger over on www.sereneluna.net, who blogs about mental health so I am no stranger to this stuff. I really want to help others, but deep down I wish that others cared about me the same way I did about them. I find sometimes, no matter what I do, there seem to be people who won't vibe with me no matter what and it sucks. Thank you for reading my articles, even though today's article is a depressing one.

Medium is a great platform to write and share your stories. If you are interested in joining, here is my affiliate link so you can get started!