The Gender Trolly Problem: Boy Hits Back a Little Girl
Take your pick
Since childhood, we have been engineered to believe that “Do good and good shall happen to you.” But the principles of toddler town have little to no relevance in our awful adult world.
Hence,
Merely because you respect someone does not qualify you to receive the same.
The Dilemma of Equals and Inequality
When my brother was about five years old, he hit his fellow female classmates on the bus ride to school. Let me rephrase,“ My 5-year-old brother hit back (not hit first, but hit back ) another 5-year-old girl.”
After this incident, my brother went on with his day like nothing had happened. He didn’t even bother to inform our mother since, according to his perception this wasn’t anything of substance or out of the ordinary. ( Little did he know, the offence had already been taken! )
So, a couple of days down the line, that very same girl, accompanied by her mother, came to our house to display their displeasure about the bus ride.
Me and my brother were out for our swimming lessons, and once we returned home, my mother updated us on the events and asked my brother to apologise to her and assure her mom that he would never hit a girl again. Thankfully, everything was pretty chill, and the meeting went fine.
It was not an ugly, mean, or intentional fight. And fortunately, the girl’s mother too did not choose to make a big deal out of it.
But we all know that if her mother didn’t receive this as, “ merely children being children and fussing over trivial things, ” then it could have ( and have been) gone wrong in a million ways.
Once they left our place, my brother said two things —
- The first thing my brother noticed was that Mom had offered her his candies. And he was not cool with it. ( rightfully so) like any other possessive and glucose addict, he was not thrilled to share his stash, especially with someone who was there to kick up a fuss.
- He said, “ But mom, she was hitting me first, so I did not do any wrong, did I ?” ( The plea of self-defence. )
My deductions from this event were how the same plot can have different narrations and impacts on each side. How the same action can bring disgrace and embarrassment to one child and put a question mark on their parenting, whereas for another kid, it might be a fun gala of glory or a badass symbol of strength.
What I am trying to imply, is that public perception changes a complete 360 degrees, as soon as we switch genders, while keeping the actions stationary. PS: Children are no exception
I hear you,
When I first thought of sharing this saga, I had some apprehensions. I knew people might perceive me as some jerk and would be unable to understand my problem or point of view.
So, allow me to try to decipher.
It is Like a Trolly Problem
No matter what approach you suggest or what theory you try to sell, you will not look good, and the results will always be unfair.
If I were a mother to a little boy, I wouldn’t like to see him getting dragged or being unable to defend himself because of his gender. But if I were a mother to a girl, neither would I allow my baby to be beaten black and blue by a boy. And I would not be pleased if that kid gets protection under the gender quality umbrella for his actions.
Who wins?
If you let them rally on, they will become bullies and wife-beaters.
If you ask them to take it in, then they are the losers with their head in the toilet and no self-confidence.
It’s so simple yet so complex.
Here, our choice as parents and individuals is between — letting them cry themselves to sleep and being a habitual offender.
How can anybody explain to 5-year-olds the concept of gender politics and such a precise code of conduct? How can any mother allow her boys to be berated, or girls to be stomped in the name of equality or supremacy?
If we allow any one of them to be violent or subtle over the cause of gender, they are destined to bore resentment for one another.
Isn’t it unfair to expect children to understand hundreds of years of female tyranny, and nor can we allow our girls to grow up with hatred towards the other gender? After all, women can’t resent or discriminate against little boys for their predecessor’s history or actions.
Nonetheless, you can’t conclude or justify the actions or rashness of either camp without being partial to the other. If you think otherwise, please be my guest and bust a gut.
Particularly in Asian culture boys bear the baggage of respect in their early years. They are both expected and commanded to be nice to girls. It is their job to make a run to the grocery store, touch the feet of elders, do the handy work, or do any other heavy lifting and odd jobs.
I remember my mother telling my younger brother not to hit me because I was a “girl”. Although, in retrospect, I don’t know who my mother was trying to protect because, at that point, I could easily kick his butt.
Wait,
In the game of respect, the tables turn in a blink.
Just a few years down the line, “ disrespecting women brings bad omen, karmic theory, women the embodiment of goddess all will go for a toss.” And the same culture will tell women to shut up and suck it up.
Even in Western culture, boys of tender age are taught to respect girls on the mere merits of her being a girl.
- You should not raise your voice or pick a fight because she is a girl.
- Buy her flowers because she is a girl.
- Take her out on a date because she is a girl.
- Be polite because she is a girl.
I am pretty sure there is not a single preschool wall in the world that heard the golden words —
“ Don’t hit him because he’s a boy. ”
“ Or Respect him because he’s a boy.”
Isn’t it stupid to demand children to change their behaviour or expect different standards of protocol for different genders? Why don’t we act neat regardless of who we come across and serve people with whatever they deserve?
Love and respect are similar. Where initially, you give all in and, eventually, you give up.
My questions remain unanswered.
Is it right for a mother to defend her son’s actions or to condemn them? Would it be correct for a girl’s mother to implode the baggage of yesterday or anticipations of the future upon her child? Does a child look at their counterparts as equals, or do we add our interpretations to their actions?
Finally, whether it is acceptable for a boy to hit back at a girl?
But I know one thing,
Gender-based respect sounds like picking problems out of the solution.
So do yourself a favour and do not imprint your emotions as some form of debt. Respect or disrespect, both sentiments have more to do with ourselves than the subject.
Respect is not a two-way street but a one-lane highway. You do your part and move on in life. The moment you attempt to attach expectations to anything abstract you are doomed to be disappointed.
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