The Gay Man’s Best of 2022, According to Grindr
It’s 9:00 pm. Do you know where your boyfriend is?
Introduction
For several days, an annoying banner has appeared at the top of my Grindr message feed. I dismissed it as an in-house promotion. Since I pay for Grindr, I don’t have to deal with ads.
Speaking of which, “quality” online apps are getting increasingly expensive, and Grindr is no exception. Just the other day, they announced that their quarterly rate is increasing from $79.99 to $84.99. This has to end, so I am not renewing. Besides, fingers crossed, I think I’ve found someone who is boyfriend material. I don’t want to fuck up another relationship by being on Grindr at 9:00 pm when he’s not looking!
(I didn’t fuck up a relationship by being on Grindr at 9:00 pm. I just fucked up a relationship.)
Anyway, once I investigated this banner, I found that it contained lots of fun information about Grindr’s audience. So I’m giving you the skinny with a bit of color so as not to take away from your cruising time.
I don’t know if Grindr is the best authority on the following lists, but these are my people, and they have spoken!
Demographics
I use that word lightly because these lists don’t have to do with items like age and income but rather characteristics. Let’s take a look:
Countries with the highest percentage of tops: Bolivia, United States, South Korea, Greece, and India. I don’t know about your city, but no one in Albuquerque, New Mexico, would say we have a plethora of tops!
Countries with the highest percentage of bottoms: Denmark, Japan, Serbia, South Africa, and Peru. Why isn’t Albuquerque, New Mexico, listed here? Oh yeah, because we’re not a country. Although many Americans do not realize we’re a state.
Most active users by city: Washington, D.C., Paris, Bogota, Sao Paulo, and Houston. This makes total sense. When Congress is in session, I’m sure numbers in Washington skyrocket. And Houston? You know that saying, “doth thou protest too much?” My take is all of those white, “straight” Republican men in Texas may be spending a bit too much time on the gay agenda — and in public restrooms.
Most displayed profile tags: FWB, anon, kissing, bi, discreet. Four of those could be construed as men who are in the closet. I read a profile today from a “straight” guy who said, “I like dick, not men.” He also wanted to know what it would feel like to be fucked. Straight. Mmm-yeah.
Most searched profile tags: hung, trans, feet, bb, dom. I am SO tired of seeing the “hung” tag. One more time: guys, the average size of an erect penis is 5.16 inches, so most of us are in pretty good shape. It’s in Wikipedia, so it must be true. (They also have interesting graphics!) While we’re on the subject of penises:
“A study analyzing the self-reported Kinsey data found that the average penis of a homosexual man was larger than the average penis of their heterosexual counterparts (6.32 inches vs. 5.99 inches).”
The above sizes were self-reported. Therefore, it should be no surprise that self-reported sizes are always larger than those measurements in medical or scientific methods.
Duh.
Pop Culture Moments
Let’s see what’s trending in the gay world. First, the top five moments — and remember, this is a Grindr survey!
- Rihanna’s Super Bowl announcement
- Singer Omar Apollo’s tweet that he likes sucking dick
- Madonna “comes out” on TikTok
- Finding out what “nephew” means on The White Lotus
- M3GAN trailer debut
Okay, I had to Google four of the above “moments.” The Madonna moment is the only one I knew about. Obviously, I skew older than the average Grindr user. God, that sounds yucky.
Pop Culture Music
Most Popular Songs on User’s Profiles:
- All Too Well — Taylor Swift
- Alien Superstar — Beyonce
- As It Was — Harry Styles
4. Unholy — Sam Smith & Kim Petras
5. Super Freaky Girl — Nicki Minaj
Taylor Swift in the number one position? Come on, guys. I mean, yeah, she’s talented and all and knows how to market herself, but — oh, never mind.
The following are based on a survey of 10,000 Grindr users:
Best Song and More
- Unholy — Sam Smith & Kim Petras
- Alien Superstar — Beyonce
- Running Up That Hill — Kate Bush
4. Anti-Hero — Taylor Swift
5. Tití Me Preguntó — Bad Bunny
Pretty much a repeat of the most popular songs. There’s Taylor again. I dunno. Maybe I should be giving her more credit. After all, I’m just a lowly freelance writer on Medium.com.
Favorite Television Shows: Euphoria, Heartstopper, House of the Dragon, The White Lotus, Abbott Elementary
Best Movie: Wakanda Forever, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Bros, Fire Island, Nope
Best Acting: Kit Connor (Heartstopper), Lindsay Lohan (Falling for Christmas), Kate Hudson (Glass Onion), Cate Blanchett (TÁR), Joel Kim Booster (Fire Island)
Most Used Emojis: “Looking,” “Eggplant,” “Wet,” Devil,” “Peach.” What I want to know is, how did an eggplant come to be known as the emoji for a penis? The eggplant, as symbolized, isn’t even a common variety! So why didn’t they use a cucumber? Or a banana? The reason may never be known. The symbol for wet is open to interpretation.
Epilogue
The more I think I know about pop culture, the less I know. In all fairness, you can give me a star for my knowledge pre-2000. Since then? Not so much. Somebody has to pay the bills around here, and I, for one, don’t have time to look at TikTok all day.
The most refreshing item for me is Kate Bush’s comeback. Really, it’s just a re-release of a song that is 37 years old. Of course, she can thank the Netflix series Stranger Things for that. But that, to me, is phenomenal, and I hope to hear more of her, old and new, as I amble about. She’s worth the listen.
In all, I think we gays have it down in identifying what’s next in pop culture. I just wonder how many albums Taylor Swift will release in 2023.
More about online gay life by Arthur Keith:
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