The Gaslighting Friend

Summary

A woman named Lourdes befriends a spiritual healer named Aurora who manipulates her using gaslighting techniques, leading to Lourdes questioning her own perceptions and feeling marginalized and powerless.

Abstract

Aurora, a spiritual healer, befriends Lourdes and convinces her to open up about her struggles and become her apprentice. However, Aurora manipulates Lourdes through gaslighting, subtly deriding her disclosures while encouraging her to reveal more about herself. Lourdes becomes confused and begins to doubt her own perceptions, eventually feeling marginalized and powerless. As Lourdes begins to reclaim her own perceptions and face the truth, she is regarded as an unfortunate lunatic and the onus is placed on her for the dissolution of the friendship.

Opinions

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which false information is manufactured and deliberately manipulated to make the target doubt their own reality, memory, and perceptions.
Aurora uses her position as a spiritual healer to manipulate and control Lourdes, presenting herself as an ethical and compassionate mentor while simultaneously deriding her apprentice.
Lourdes becomes confused and doubtful of her own perceptions, eventually feeling marginalized and powerless as a result of Aurora's manipulation.
Lourdes is regarded as an unfortunate lunatic when she begins to reclaim her own perceptions and face the truth, with the onus being placed on her for the dissolution of the friendship.
Aurora's manipulation and control of Lourdes is likened to the story of Cassandra from Greek mythology, who was cursed by the God Apollo to be able to foresee the future but not be believed by anyone.
The article suggests that gaslighting can be used to disempower and manipulate others, and that it is important to be aware of its signs and effects.

A Tale of Breaking Free of an Energy Vampire

Aurora touted herself as a spiritual healer versed in esoteric metaphysical techniques. To Lourdes, Aurora seemed to be an exceptionally wise and magnanimous woman who had many illustrious followers and devotees. She admired her piety and the path she was on. Lourdes was humbled and honored to be Aurora’s friend.

Presenting as a pillar of altruism and morality, Aurora convinced Lourdes to open up about her history and struggles. Shifting the friendship into a mentor-mentee dynamic prompted Aurora to encourage Lourdes to refer her friends and colleagues for holistic healing and spiritual insight. After all, why shouldn’t they also reap the benefits of Aurora’s gifts? Gushing over Lourdes's growth, Aurora even allowed Lourdes to be her apprentice. For a fair price of course!

During coaching sessions, Lourdes noticed that when Aurora encouraged her to reveal the depths of her being it was simultaneously coupled with subtle retorts deriding her disclosures. Being prompted to reveal and then contemptuously resented and mocked was cloaked in insight, ostensibly meant to help Lourdes. Aurora would assure her, “I want the best for you. The need to spill all your maudlin woes is an understandable sign of your weakness and your childish need to be rescued. I’m here to help you access your true power.”

Baffled, Lourdes persisted with questioning why Aurora encourages her to share if she perceives it as immature dumping. Feigning shock at being so wrongfully accused Aurora explained, “You’re projecting onto me your own shame with being vulnerable and your fears with letting me help you.” Bewildered and confused Lourdes conceded, convinced it was her insecurities that caused her defensiveness and confusion over Aurora’s intentions.

Wanting to believe that Aurora was fundamentally ethical and that cooperation and compassion are collective moral imperatives, Lourdes yielded to what she assumed would be a collaborative effort to work through difficulties. Even though Aurora regularly chided Laura for failing to transcend her losses, manage flashbacks rooted in a history of complex trauma, and for incorrectly praying and meditating, Lourdes held onto the hope that together they would sort through misunderstandings.

In those rare moments when Lourdes continued to dare question the intermittent barbs and disparagement, she was held liable for doubting Aurora’s motives and sincerity.

Over time Lourdes bought into the fictional narrative that in fact she was the one who was abusive and irrational. As this recurrent circuitous dynamic persisted, Lourdes was pummeled into silence and cognitive dissonance. she became doubtful of her perceptions and attributed all the problems with Aurora to her unhealed afflictions and flaws. Lourdes began to feel fearful, marginalized and impotent.

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation in which false information is manufactured and deliberately manipulated so as to make the target doubt reality, memory, and perceptions, was habitually employed by Aurora to ensure control. The corrosive impact of gaslighting resulted in Lourdes losing sight of who she was.

With stealth and cunning Aurora concealed her insidious motives behind moral values and philanthropic activities. Through the appearance of benevolence, honesty, and generosity a false sense of security and trust was fostered so that when disparagement and derision occurred it was cloaked as well-intentioned constructive criticism.

Since Lourdes's truth was repeatedly discredited and chalked up as distortions and lies, she experienced unbearable distress and confusion. She felt like the beautiful mortal Cassandra from Greek mythology, who was pursued by the God Apollo.

The story goes that Apollo promised to bestow upon Cassandra the gift of prophecy if she agreed to take him as her lover. However, once the mentorship was finished, Cassandra refused to give her body to him. Furious at being rejected Apollo raped her and then leveled a terrible curse upon her head. While Cassandra could still foresee the future, the curse ensured that not only will no one believe her, they’ll think she’s purposely telling lies.

Given the surreal nature of their dynamic and Aurora’s ability to dupe others with a facade of benevolence and charisma, Lourdes struggled to not only believe her pain was rooted in abuse but to even trust that her pain was real. Like Cassandra, when Lourdes began to reclaim the veracity of her perceptions and face the harrowing truth, she was initially regarded as an unfortunate lunatic. Aurora’s ardent supporters, many who were previously part of Lourdes circle, also believed Lourdes an envious trouble-maker. The onus was on her for the dissolution of the friendship.

Nevertheless, in spite of the backlash, Lourdes was able to clearly see the backstabbing energy vampire that lurked beneath Aurora’s mystical new age facade. She understood that her ‘inspirational mentorship’ was designed to disempower her. Hence, when Aurora attempted to lure her back in with seductive overtures of contrition Lourdes triumphantly refused to be baited.