The Games We Play!

Why Don’t You, Yes But.’

There is a book that I read and often re-read. It talks about Transactional analysis, the Ego state-PAC model, and the games we play.

The underlined part is a hyperlink, in case you want to know more, later. Please continue reading.

With the risk of losing you, I won’t get into the details about it. But of the many games which Eric Berne describes in games people play.

I’d like to report the moves in one game.‘Why Don’t You, Yes But.’

One player, “Pooja” presents a problem.

Player two, her “Friend” presents solutions.

Let’s play:

Pooja: I just can’t find the time to be healthy.

Friend: Why don’t you join a gym?

Pooja: Yes, but because of Covid they are shut.

Friend: Why don’t you join an online workout session?

Pooja: Yes, but they’re all at night. And after work, I’m so exhausted

Friend: Why don’t you take one that suits your schedule?

Pooja: Yes, but I don’t even have time to reply to my work mails, how will I find time for an online workout session?

Friend: You could find time if it were important enough.

Pooja: Yes, but that’s easy for you to say. You have so much energy. I’m always feeling tired and lazy.

Friend: Why don’t you go to bed early instead of watching Netflix? and eat healthier?

Pooja: Yes, but I’ve got to do something fun and I love junk food. That’s all there is to do when you’re like me!

Here, the discussion has gone full circle, Pooja has knocked down every one of her friend’s suggestions.

Pooja begins with the complaint that she can’t find the time to be healthy, and ends up begging the question with the final reason:

she can’t find the time to be healthy because ‘that is the way I am.’

As the game ends, all those who offered advice are dejected having failed in helping Pooja.

She has proved the point that her problem is insoluble, which makes it possible for her to indulge her child in a new game of ‘Ain’t It Awful’.

The benefit to Pooja is that she doesn’t have to do anything about herself because, as we have seen, nothing can be done.

The ‘GIMMICK’ in ‘Why Don’t You, Yes But’ is that it is not played for as a quest for information or solutions but to reassure and gratify the child in “Pooja”.

Do you see a benefit in that? Have you played this game before, perhaps unknowingly?

How about breaking the rules of the game, by actioning at least one of the many solutions to your problem statement?

You know, You could find time if it were important enough.

Some of the other games Berne mentions are: ‘If it weren’t for you, I could’; ‘lets you and him fight’; and ‘Now I’ve got you, you son of ******’.

Because these titles are colloquial, they frequently bring a laugh.

Please know the above-posted questions are rhetorical and tomorrow is a new day with fresh starts.

Have a waow one:)