Race & Media Coverage
The Gabby Petito Case, The Media and Victims of Domestic Violence
Don't allow patriarchy to divide us
Today, the topic on one of my WhatsApp chat groups that consists of women who live in Egypt and Dubai ( just me in Canada) — was Gabby Petito.
My friends in a whole different continent heard about Gabby Petito.
You bet they never heard about the black, brown, and indigenous women who went missing in the same area or any area for that matter — It's not their fault, though; they're just consuming media coverage that America chooses to display.
Women of color are not exaggerating when they say they don't get any coverage or public outrage when they go missing. It should shock you rather than offend you. It should open your eyes.
Black and brown women are not insensitive to bring up race during this time.
This IS the time.
What it’s not the time for is accusing POC of playing "victim" — they are victims and they’re not playing. Supporting the truth does not lessen or take away from Gabby Petito’s case. What is wrong with recognizing that?
On the contrary, this IS the time you should amplify marginalized women speaking out about the lack of media coverage when POC go missing — the whole world is watching.
THIS. IS. THE. TIME.
The facts are:
- Women of color barely get attention from media outlets like Gabby Petito.
- The police and men, in general, have no emotional intelligence when it comes to women in danger of domestic violence.
- Gabby Petito is dead, and her bf probably killed her.
As women, we should agree with all the above rather than perpetuate harmfully rhetoric from the patriarchy. POC agrees with all three, but I am seeing some women online combating fact number 1.
Why?
Women of color speaking out about the difference in coverage is not an attack on you or the case; — it’s a fact. And the timing is essential.
Time is not on our side.
Gabby Petito is white; she benefits from the privilege that the FBI moved quickly to find her — they found her body a few days later, unlike the missing black and indigenous women in the same area who remain missing.
The global outrage is massive for Gabby Petito — law enforcement had so much pressure to find her body. Women of color are not extended the same privilege. This is not an opportunity to accuse women of color of pulling the race card.
This is an opportunity for us to scream even louder.
The footage from Gabby's #vanlife trip is very telling. It tells the story of what it's like to be gaslit, humiliated, and abused. We can learn from this case so that she and many women don't die in vain.
People — mostly men- on the internet and under the YouTube video had all kinds of theories about how Gabby Petito must have been the aggressor; including the cops who stopped her van after receiving a 911 call from a witness stating he saw a man slap a woman repeatedly. Yeah, those cops also had theories on how Gabby Petito must have been the aggressor.
Once the internet realized her boyfriend, Brian Laundrie, was on the run, the comments shifted to “ but he seemed like such a nice guy,” If this isn’t proof that men are biased towards men, I am not sure what is.
Society is always painting girls and women as "emotional" and "delusional", but did it ever occur to you that the composed one painting themselves as a victim is the real manipulator here?
Abusers get so used to lying it becomes second nature to them. They do it to shield their fragile egos; their priority is self-preservation. They start to believe their own bullshit and they benefit from society enabling them to do so. They hate being exposed and feeling small, so they blame the victim, and anyone who figures their game out and rips their mask off is enemy number one.
That’s literally what gaslighting narcissists do, and you can see it clearly in the video. The cops — who were told a man slapped a woman repeatedly on the street threatened Gabby- the victim- by saying, "This time we are not going to charge you for domestic violence", and proceeded to fist bump the abuser, her bf.
Fuck your zero emotional intelligence.
The cops doubled down on gaslighting this woman. Reactive abuse isn’t even on their radar. This is a classic case of "why didn’t she call for help?" Hmmm. She’s sitting right next to her abuser for one. And, the stats show 40% of cops are domestic abusers themselves, so who was really rooting for Gabby Petito’s safety at that moment? She was up against three gaslighting men.
There is a pattern to gender-based crime. Seeing Gabby gaslight herself with "OCD" and rambling triggered many women and me. We all recognized what that was. Abuse and gaslighting will get you thinking that you are the problem until you are dead in the woods. By the way, her father confirmed on Twitter that she never got diagnosed with OCD.
Of course, along with the internet, the family who created this narcissistic monster went out of their way to protect and enable him further. So, for starters, stop coddling men, stop protecting them, and stop making allowances for their bad behavior.
It is crucial to acknowledge that because Gabby Petito is white, her name traveled internationally, and the pressure to find her became massive. It is counterproductive to the movement for women to shut down POC perspectives on this topic.
This is an opportunity for us to scream even louder.
Seeing white women pull out tactics to discredit POC perspectives boils my blood. Appealing to men's sympathy won't bring about the cultural change we need. It isn't going to stop men from killing, degrading, and abusing women.
Men being biased towards other men doesn’t shock me — they won’t give up their privilege; they have been socialized and coddled to protect it. Society needs to hold them accountable, and women need to group to make them feel the consequences of their misogyny.
What we won’t be doing is supporting women who insist on being footsoldiers of the patriarchy. And, what we need is to prioritize the female point of view when it comes to domestic violence. This is what Justice Ruth Bader meant by, "Women belong in all places where decisions are being made."
Support POC perspectives and get on the right side already so we can smash the patriarchy. Check out this article by Allison Gaines on how systemic racism drowns the movement and "others" black and brown women.
Nada Chehade is a writer, poet and avid WEOC Member who describes herself as ‘finally growing the ovaries to speak up.’
