The Future is B…Right Here

Black Mirror on the wall, who’s the techiest of them all?

Oh yes, the day has arrived.

Recently, I was deep in gab with a pal, musing over the hilarious mystery of “why re-binge TV shows when you’re already the spoiler king?”

As I rummaged through the attic of my brain for series and movies worth a rerun, Black Mirror burst in like an uninvited yet welcome party crasher.

Maybe because when it first came out, I watched it with my mouth slightly agape and an expression suggesting my IQ barely scraped a 7.

It was one of those jaw-dropping, “No way! Damn! You’ve got to be kidding me!” moments, followed swiftly by a “Hold up, scan the room!” revelation…

Fast forward just over a decade, and essentially, we’ve all become off-screen participants in this eye-roll-inducing show.

For some reason, only one quote comes to mind:

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. (Ugh, Friedrich, you always creeped me out a bit)

So, what do we have now? — Well, let’s take a look, shall we?

Social Credit System: “Like Me, Like Me Desperately!”

Remember the “Nosedive” episode? Where a smile was worth more than a wallet full of cash?

Hmm, China looked at that and said, “What a splendid concept!” Now, every tiny thing you do gets scored, and if you don’t hit the high marks of Mr. or Ms. Perfect, well, tough luck on catching that bus. That’s just the beginning.

They’re even rolling out a feature to flag the not-so-liked ones nearby. I mean, seriously, who thought this was a stroke of genius? It’s kind of a bummer, not because it’s harder to hide your inner rule-breaker, but because maybe you just goofed up once, or twice, or okay, maybe a few more times — but who’s counting?

Autonomous Vehicles: “Driver, Take Me to the Next Glitch!”

Self-driving cars — sound like a dream, until one decides that a lamppost is the perfect parking spot.

Yes, they’re cruising our streets, sometimes with the finesse of a teenager on their first driving lesson. I often see news stories telling you to kick back and relax in the back seat.

Relax?

I can’t even chill when I’m at the wheel, so how am I supposed to find my zen when my chauffeur is… a bucket of bolts and software?

“Hated in the Nation” episode — THANKS!

Virtual Reality: “Now Experience Arachnophobia in 4K!”

“Playtest” showed us VR isn’t just about pretty colors and fun games. Nowadays, VR helps us dissect anatomy without the mess, train surgeons, or even treat (or gift you with) new phobias.

That’s right, you can now experience a fear of heights without ever leaving your bedroom. How convenient!

You can also become a boxing pro (looking fantastic, at least in your own goggles), throwing punches at the air like a champ, while to anyone watching, you’re just flailing around in your living room like you had some bad dancing classes earlier on.

Ah, progress!

Artificial Intelligence: “Now It Knows What You Want Even When You Don’t!”

Isn’t that just what the doctor ordered! “Neural network,” by the way, the buzzword of 2023! — Whoop Whoop

Yes, no need to bother your pretty head about what to watch, what to whip up for dinner, or how to politely yet firmly suggest via email that your tiresome client takes a metaphorical hike (FO journey if you prefer).

You’re the master of all masters, the most inventive PR wizard, the Shakespeare of our time, and the unchallenged overlord of social media opinions.

We’re all over the moon, reveling in this bliss… Did you just share in my excitement?

Well, okay then, let’s move on

Smart Homes: “Alexa, Summon an Exorcist!”

Smart homes are great until your coffee maker starts conspiring with the fridge behind your back. Or worse, when hackers decide to fiddle with your heating system.

Sometimes, I really don’t get these fancy home gadgets. Take, for instance, a kettle you can turn on from another room. Yes, you can, but first, please toddle off to fill it with water, then return to your cozy nook to switch it on remotely.

Cozy, isn’t it?

But I have to admit, some of these gizmos genuinely make life easier. You can control numerous aspects of your home even when you’re miles away — that’s undeniably cool, a real ‘rest-your-rear-in-peace’ moment.

As for which Black Mirror episode talked about this? None specifically tackled smart homes head-on, but the general theme of technology creeping into our lives is a hallmark of the series, especially in episodes like “White Christmas.”

Quantum Computers: “Your Password’s Hacked, It Just Doesn’t Know It Yet!”

Quantum computers are the new wizards on the block, promising to solve all the world’s problems… or maybe conjure up a few new ones.

They’re not on every street corner yet, but brace yourself: soon, they could crack your Instagram password faster than you can say “selfie.”

Imagine a world where your super-secret password, ‘FluffyBunny123’, is as easy to guess as your pet’s name (which, by the way, is also Fluffy Bunny).

In the grand Black Mirror tradition, let’s recall “USS Callister” episode. While it didn’t directly dive into quantum computing, it gave us a taste of tech’s darker side, the kind that makes you want to wrap your router in tinfoil.

Quantum computing could be like that, but on steroids. It’s like playing chess with a supercomputer that’s ten steps ahead, and the only pieces you have are pawns… and maybe a knight if you’re lucky.

So, in the near future, when you’re sitting there, trying to remember the 47th character of your new, uncrackable password, thank the quantum computer.

It’s making our lives easier, one impossible-to-remember password at a time!

And here we are, at the end of our little tech horror show.

Black Mirror is no longer just a TV series — it’s our reality. Those very technologies, which we thought we’d never get to see with our own eyes, at least not in this lifetime, have now become an integral part of our daily lives…

I’m almost scared to think what’s next, but my immediate plan for tonight is to at least make sure my microwave hasn’t friend-zoned me yet.

In any case, we watch, we wait, armed with patience and a bottle of magnesium B6, playing Christmas tunes in the background while nervously giggling.

Get ready, it’s going to be fun (and just a teensy bit spooky).