The Freelancer’s Guide to Emotional Balance

Remember how it used to be your dream job? It still can be.

Blissful as it may seem on the outside, the life of a freelancer has difficult moments. If you work on your own from home, coffee shop or from the road as a digital nomad — I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

The main difficulty isn’t really so much efficiency and getting things done. There are tons of books and articles to help you with that. Plus, I suspect that if you’ve chosen the path of a freelancer you must, by default, have the minimum organisational skill to assure your work happens.

So, I’m not too concerned about your ability to simply do the work.

What I’m more concerned about is you taking care of your emotional needs in the middle of a freelancing workday. This can be tricky when you spend so much time on your own. When you work on a gig at night to have it done before the deadline. Or when you earn just enough to support yourself on some months — and you can never be sure what the next month brings.

All of that can feel hard for one person to deal with.

The freelancing career is compelling because so much depends on you. What time you wake up, what you wear to work or when you take your breaks — this is all your decision. It’s freedom, but with this freedom comes greater responsibility.

You are just as responsible for your emotional balance as you are for your work outcomes.

Additionally, your work benefits from your well-being. The two are interdependent. Therefore, you need to find an approach to your freelancing lifestyle that nurtures your emotional balance alongside your productivity.

After all, you probably picked the freelancing path because it once appeared to you as the dream job. Does it still feel this way?

The Delicate Balance Between Structure and Boredom

Did you choose to freelance precisely because you didn’t want to get caught up in the 9–5 routine, only to realize you need a routine in your workday anyway? Without any structure to your day, it’s challenging to be productive.

The thing is, we often equate “structure” with “boredom”. That’s a misguided notion.

Boredom doesn’t help us be creative or enjoy work in any way. Escaping boredom was one of the main reasons I pursued freelancing. My job just seems more exciting when there’s no boss or established system imposing things on me. Being able to work on my own schedule transforms the game into one that I enjoy playing.

But it doesn’t change the fact that there is a structure to it. The question is: how to maintain a structure that helps you stay organized, but at the same time allows the space for freedom and pure flow?

The solution I found is to get creative when designing your work structure. Play with it. Make sure that you have ready-to-use routines for when you need to discipline yourself — but also, the space for creative flow when inspiration strikes.

Plus, some space available for emergency time-off, in case you find yourself a bit under the weather. Knowing that you can allow yourself the luxury of not having to work on a bad day is how you cultivate self-compassion on the most difficult days.

And compassion is the key ingredient for sustained, long-term productivity.

Am I Going to Earn Enough This Month?

This is a question that many freelancers ask themselves on a regular basis. The ongoing financial uncertainty can be a real pain, which stands in the way of peace of mind.

The biggest problem, however, is often not the lack of money. It’s the default scarcity mindset that conditions you to fear that you may not have enough.

In his semi-humorous book on Buddhist philosophy, Artur Przybysławski suggests that what we call a “problem” is only problematic because we interpret it as such. Most of the time, it is the interpretation of a situation that causes us trouble — not the situation itself.

So may I ask you — what exactly do you mean by not earning enough this month? What is enough, according to your standards? Are you afraid of starving? Or simply not being able to afford the pleasures you’re attached to — like a weekend away, eating out of buying a new pair of shoes?

For me, it was helpful to calculate what my basic living costs really are. What I need to pay for is food and rent — that’s the bare minimum. Of course, I want to be able to afford more than just that. However, once I acknowledged that my basic needs are not really that expensive, it’s much easier to feel secure and confident that I can sustain myself with my writing.

When I was just starting off as a freelancer, this feeling of security was very important. Over time, it became a solid base which allowed me to aspire for better-paid gigs and gradually increase my living standard. That’s because, once I felt secure, it was much easier to find confidence in my own skills and the ability to make it.

When the confidence increases, you stop selling yourself short. You realize that there are much better-paid gigs and opportunities that you can easily take on. So you do.

You create a positive cycle in your life, in which one success generates the next, and so your good fortune as a freelancer keeps growing. This is not just a mysterious “law of attraction,” but a phenomenon confirmed and researched by scientists.

One of the leading neuroscientists, Dr Rick Hanson, confirms that whatever we focus our minds on, grows. You can learn more about the mechanics of it by reading his work here.

To break the cycle of worrying about money, the best thing you can do is to realize that you have enough right now (whenever it’s the case). You’re already making it as a freelancer, one way or another. With such an attitude, your confidence in what you do can only grow — and financial abundance will follow!

Reconnect to the Gratitude for Your Work

How fantastic it feels to be a freelancer!

This was the thought I was having constantly during the first month after losing my job and deciding to work for myself.

There is enormous power in simply reminding yourself about this state of mind. The thrill of being your own boss. The sweetness of freedom that you don’t have to be in any office on a Monday morning.

Do you still remember these feelings?

The chances are you experienced them at the very beginning of your freelancing career — but as time went by, they started to wear off. The freedom, once the dream, became the new normal.

This’s how it happened for me. Not only have I lost the initial excitement — but my mind also started looking for problems in what I used to consider my dream job. This is just something all minds do. Due to the brain’s negative cognitive bias, we are inclined to have thoughts such as:

Am I doing a good enough job? Did I accomplish enough today, or should I beat myself up a little for being lazy? Or make myself work till midnight, just for the sake of a little punishment? And by the way — this work has been draining me recently. I don’t see other people enough. I feel lonely…

When such train of thought goes through my mind, there’s only one remedy.

Gratitude.

Whenever the work-related anxiety arises, I make sure to remind yourself of how lucky I am to be doing what I’m doing. I allow myself to experience this directly — for example, by going on a walk or joining a yoga class at noon, when most people need to be in the office.

This way, I can easily reconnect with the reasons why I chose freelance writing. Gratitude then simply becomes a natural by-product.

Once the gratitude arises, I embrace it and I nurture it by focusing on appreciative thoughts, such as:

What a delightful life which allows me to work on the things I love and believe in! A life in which I can manage my own time and see my friends and family whenever I please. I can decide about every single moment of every single day — and that feels amazing!

I’m sure that if you adopt this attitude towards your work, you’ll immediately feel lighter.

Remind yourself why you’re doing it. Focus on gratitude. Any hardship and difficulties will be easier to overcome.

Focus on the Distraction, Instead of Distracting Yourself From It

I have been observing the process of getting distracted and beating myself up over it for a while now.

The most important thing I realized? Distraction isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I like to look at my life as one congruent entity, rather than a work-versus-life battlefield. Because of that, I noticed that some distractions can provide important information about what I’ve been overlooking. Yes, they may be taking my attention away from work — but sometimes, for very valid reasons.

Seen from this angle, distractions can greatly contribute to the long-term productivity and well-being. Especially for someone who’s entirely in charge of their schedule.

A helpful distraction can happen in a myriad of ways, but I will give you a few examples. A phone call that interrupts your work, but provides you with a valuable insight that you needed to hear. Your flatmate or partner asking you to have lunch with them. A sudden noise from the fridge that reminds you that you need to repair it.

But how can you recognize a helpful distraction when it arises — and how do you respond to it?

To me, the core idea of distraction management is to recognize what is happening in the moment and how I’m feeling about it. It’s really just an attitude of mindfulness that serves as my compass. It helps me recognize what the distraction is signalling — and then, how I can respond accordingly.

To experiment with it during your workday, you may ask yourself a simple “why” question when a distraction arises. For example: why am I checking Facebook in the middle of an important task?

One option is that you need a break, but feel like you can’t afford one because you have so much work to do. Checking Facebook updates may be a way of sneaking a little pause in, without feeling too guilty about it. In that case, you may consider taking a proper, intentional break to recharge and work better later.

You may also find that you’re checking Facebook for other reasons — for example, because you’re waiting for a message from someone. You can then ask yourself if that message is more important to you that the task at hand. Depending on the answer, you can make a conscious decision about whether to keep checking Facebook or not.

The key here is to be honest with yourself when answering this question: Why am I doing this and what am I getting from it?

When you answer this, you’re free to choose in what way to engage with the distraction. After all, you’re a freelancer and your own boss — no one can tell you what to do.

Appreciate Being Alone, Instead of Suffering From Loneliness

As a lone freelance wolf you need to learn how to roll on your own, independently from others — at least to a certain extent.

Nurturing bonds with others is still very important. They’re the ones who provide the best emotional support and endless source of inspiration, creativity and ideas. Plus, you just probably don’t want to spend your whole life on your own.

But being alone as you work has its advantages, too — even if it’s not easy.

Or maybe, because it’s not easy.

What I found after two and a half years of freelancing, experiencing various levels of aloneness, is that being alone stimulates the process of self-realisation. I came to see my solitary work as a day-to-day personal development tool.

Working on your own exposes a lot of your emotional and mental reactions to the various tasks you’re performing, emails you’re receiving and distractions you’re bombarded with. All-day long, you’re free to observe those reactions — and the way you manage yourself as they arise.

Because it’s just you versus the rest of the world, the potential to increase your self-awareness is huge. All you need is a bit of attention and a lot of compassion.

When you apply them, you slowly but steadily learn how to become your own best friend. You discover how to motivate yourself if you need to complete a task fast. You learn how to cheer yourself up and say: It doesn’t matter if I fail.

You can even discover how to have a good laugh with yourself.

Naturally, you start enjoying your own company more. If you ask me, that’s the biggest perk of freelancing I have found so far.