Healing a Heart-Broken Population of Emotionally Fragile Youth

The Gen Z culture and methods to bridge the gap

I imagine myself 25 years ago.

Pearl Jam, Sam Goody, Guess jeans, and penny loafers popularized throughout the consciousness of every ‘90s teen.

Orange Julius stands blazed bright neon fonts indicative of the ‘90s culture. Obnoxiously bold colors and acid wash were prevalent. Hypercolor t-shirts, Doc Martin boots, and mixed tapes were my repertoire.

The scene was an amalgamation of prep, grunge, and gangster fashion all swirled together in a calibrated contradiction.

It was beautiful.

Irony became a tangible fashion statement as well as the song that destined us to fall in love with Alanis Morrissette. Grunge rock created a generation of outlandish degenerates that went to college for social therapy but instead came back as orthodontists and lawyers.

That generally summarizes the ‘90s enigma.

Bill Clinton, Arsenio Hall, Jennifer Aniston, and James Van Der Beek could be chiseled into the ’90s, Mt. Rushmore. If only such a monument existed.

Oh, and oversized flannels were popular.

That about covers it.

The absurdity of my generation was astounding to my parents.

I remember hearing this all the time.

“Back in my day”, and then some older man would release a tirade of extreme examples of why I was going about my life incorrectly. I would of course politely listen, and then politely ignore.

My way, of course, was the only way it would get done.

Nothing ever really sinks in when you are a kid. The beautiful element of being young with vitality is also the reason so many poor decisions are made.

Time has passed. Tables have turned. I am now, of course, the older gentleman lecturing about young culture, irresponsibility, and awful drivers.

So yeah, progress.

Understanding where we come from is a good start in acknowledging where we’re headed. If the belief holds that our children live in quiet disrepair, it was perpetrated by my generation’s despicable inability to do some real parenting. Amirite?

Don’t laugh at that.

Let me share.

There is a collection of skillsets that we are no longer developing in our children. These are the social changes in behavior.

Let us start with the most obvious.

Confidence is a developed skill that has been culturally diminished over generations. We text instead of call. Eye contact is less frequent. We rely on the internet to answer our hard problems instead of having discussions. The parenting technique now consists of allowing technology to answer everything. Time passes and real discussions become cumbersome to kids. Intimate conversation perpetuates vulnerability. This has become obsolete.

This leads me to the next skill set.

Vulnerability. The identification of vulnerability in today’s tech world is synonymous with someone broadcasting their personal devastations on social media. Telling a story on how the “break up” happened and all the gory details seem common. The ability today to share personal and intimate news on the internet is what “defines” the new state of vulnerability in society. This is deemed appropriate.

I assure you it is not.

This is not vulnerability. This isn’t an artful expression or a whimsical influencer on display for the world.

This is sheer, unadulterated, old-fashioned fear. The fear to immerse one’s self in authentic vulnerability has caused the norm of broadcasting on social media with no boundary.

Vulnerability minus boundaries are dangerous. Broadcasting on social media, to validate pain is a current trend. Tragically, this new environment develops an army of narcissists.

I prefer the old fashion narcissists that came from bad parenting. Organic narcissism like grass-fed cows and free-range chickens. Farm-raised shame and pesticide-free anger management.

I digress.

This goes against the nature of vulnerability which is to instill deep and meaningful relationships. This answers the question as to why currently society has a problem with nurturing relationships. We don’t understand why we are sharing anything. This is the process of going from feeling to acting. Broadcasting over social media isn’t a true vulnerability. It’s an impulse derived from a dopamine hit.

If I wanted to start a dopamine farm, I could. Just need that start-up capital and a group of teenagers listening to dad rock. Counting Crows or maybe Fiona Apple should suffice.

This is not genuinely trying to craft a friendship or relationship.

We are losing these skills in society as a whole. Kids don’t have the ability to process humiliation. They weren’t taught failing is okay and hence never given the opportunity to process that emotion.

This causes specifically younger groups to completely defy the skill of creating personal connections. Too many are simply terrified that there will be an emotional occurrence.

Not trying is now an option.

We allow our kids to isolate themselves from adversity, therefore as parents, we create a massive demographic of emotionally detached adults. There is an entire generation of kids that are missing the skillset of creating meaningful relationships. Tragically, this means there is a current population of teenagers that is in a constant state of synthetic despair.

We see them daily.

The shopping mall is saturated with forlorn postures and sulking faces. When they reach a level of sadness, it’s captured on Instagram for followers to see. Followers that emit a faux empathetic response.

Notice how we don’t pick up a phone to call. Speaking personally reaches a level of susceptibility. We text. What does that mean? A genuine act of vulnerability is picking up the phone and speaking about a problem not posting on social media.

Notice how we have become unable to support handshakes that require eye contact. This act lends a certain feeling of accessibility. How dare we become accessible. The value in the act of shaking hands has been depleted.

The key with parenting to eliminate this issue is to make sure kids understand lessons of adversity but without absorbing actual trauma. Distinguish the skill between trauma and going through adversity.

These are common practices that need to change in order to create genuine friendships that aren't symbiotic with social media presence.

We need to be the adults we want our children to grow up to be. Put down the phone. Place an emphasis on attentive conversations. Adults are tapping out of the hard conversations with their kids. Children are developing and retaining information from other resources.

Good and bad. Audibly and visually.

Parents can change the outcome and filter those resources by simply opening the door to conversation.

Communication is vital.

It’s a good place to start.

Now please excuse me while a get back to my nap. I need to rest for my 4 pm supper.

Get it? Because I’m old.

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I also wrote a similar piece on attaining happiness.