The Formula for Love

Science explains lust, attraction, heartbreak and all the rest.

We’ve all had a crush at some point, and it’s no doubt that some people are more attractive than others. But why? What makes any one person attractive and which neural networks fire to make you lust for them?

Since this is going to be one hell of an article, read what interests you in it. The headings will indicate so.

The three components of a crush or something more

Libido

W. H. Auden called the sex drive “an intolerable neural itch.” Libido is a powerful concept, made to promote reproduction, only satisfied with the instant gratification of a sexual encounter. Highly affiliated with estrogen and testosterone, it no doubt plays a part in the desirous nature of a non-platonic endeavour.

Attraction

But a desire for sex is only part of what forms that crush. The more important aspect, deemed by western society, is attraction. The emotion is detected by an increased focus toward that person and higher levels of energy. Other signs may be intrusive thoughts, a craving for them, or exhilaration.

Dopamine from the hypothalamus gushes out and you feel all of it… like a drug. The dopamine levels increase as the novelty of what will come becomes apparent. It triggers heightened attention, motivation, and desire towards them.

Nopinephrerine is associated with the fight-or-flight response hence why brain scans of people in love show such intense reaction to a picture of their loved one in all the reward centres and circuits of the brain like the ventral tegmental area and the whole dopaminergic pathway itself.

Rationality flies out the window as levels of serotonin decrease. Each chemical released seems to contribute to euphoria, hyperactivity and excessive energy. The attraction is now there, all the components for a crush blended together in that mind of yours.

Add another element to the mix and you have either a potentially nightmarish situation or the first step to a relationship — attachment.

Attachment

Evolutionarily, this was a shit idea, but also a bit logical. These feelings meant that the parental duties were taken care of once the offspring has been produced, yet it also meant that death, a very common occurrence, was all the more painful for ‘close relatives’. For this, we have oxytocin (in females) and vasopressin (in males) to thank.

The bad news.

Having one true love isn’t always real.

Scientifically speaking, we are capable of loving more than one person at a given time. Proven by Jeffrey Black of Cambridge University, evolutionarily, it is not wise to be sexually faithful. His experiment consisted of various species of songbirds. They were observed and he reported, in a highly professional way, “a lot of birds are having a bit on the side.” Don’t give up hope just yet though, he also found in approximately 90% of bird species formed seasonal or lifelong pair bonds, becoming attached and rearing their offspring together. Unfortunately, this doesn’t imply that the birds were, as we call it, ‘exclusive’.

The friend zone

Ahhh, the friend zone. What a shitty place to be in. Stuck in the realms of platonic land. In the secret mix of crushes, there is no attraction or lust, simply attachment. Attachment forms friendships, family bonds, and allows social courtesy. The predominant chemical in their head when they think about you is oxytocin. And while this may be released in large amounts during sex and childbirth, you’re not that guy, pal.

The dark side of love

Just as there is being happy together forever, there is also rape, marital abuse and adultery. And although these are not pleasant, they are important to acknowledge. Dopamine is released from attraction, but it is also the fuel for addiction, a very dangerous concept not to be messed with. When someone has too much dopamine in their system, it leads to irrationality in the most harmful ways: drug abuse, jealousy, alcoholism and the subject of the matter here — adultery and rape. When dopamine and oxytocin (the cause for love — related debacles) levels become out of hand, that is when bad things happen. Hence, another example of everything in moderation.

To conclude…

There is no specific formula for love, but for love to occur, the three components are required, in moderation. It is highly important to highlight the good and the bad so we can know and experience the best in the future. Also, personal note…

Love is not the solution. It can’t fix your problems, it can only add to your happiness.

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Bibliography: Lust and attraction, Love hurts

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