The Forbidden Secret Narcissists Keep Locked Away
Narcissists keep themselves a secret by controlling how they affect others.
Narcissists have a hidden secret they don’t want you to know.
And it’s something they’re so embarrassed about that they won’t even admit it to themselves. They cover it up with mean behavior, boasting, and varying degrees of arrogance.
The confident image a narcissist shows can trick people. Their words can be confusing, and their aggression can make others feel scared and ashamed.
What many don’t realize is that the narcissist is putting on a fake personality. It’s like a mask they use to hide the scared, insecure child inside them. This child feels small and unimportant, despite the abuser acting like they’re super important.
The secret is that they feel insecure and oftentimes quite needy. That’s why they always want to feel powerful and in control. Understanding this explains their whole personality and why they act the way they do.
They pretend like they don’t need anything, and they judge their partners for having needs and feelings. Some narcissists may appear independent and self-sufficient outside of a close relationship.
Even though they get attention from work, friends, and casual partners, in a romantic relationship, they play games.
Later on, they might demand a lot from you, sometimes wanting to be left alone. To protect yourself, it’s important to understand how a narcissist thinks.
Control
Narcissists try to control everything around them, including what you believe, how you feel, and what you do. They do this to make themselves feel safe.
They might demand things from you, belittle you, or manipulate you just to make themselves look better and make you feel worse. This ends up making you feel unsafe, which is exactly how they feel inside.
This defense mechanism is called projective identification. Your own feelings can reveal what they’re really feeling, and often, it reflects how they were treated when they were kids.
Grandiosity
Narcissists always need to show off, exaggerate, and make up stories about how amazing they are. They act like they’re really special, entitled, and arrogant.
They like being around the best and most expensive things or famous people. All these actions are ways for them to feel better about themselves and hide their deep insecurities.
By presenting themselves as the best or surrounding themselves with luxury, they try not to feel small and unimportant. It’s like they’re using these things to cover up their feelings of weakness and inadequacy.
Arrogance
Exactly, narcissists often believe they are superior to everyone else. If someone excels or is better at something, the narcissist feels the need to outdo them.
In their mind, if they’re not at the top, they see themselves as inadequate or a failure. This mindset contributes to their envy and hatred towards those they perceive as competitors, even if it’s only in their own thoughts.
Some vindictive and perfectionistic narcissists may go to great lengths to bring down their rivals and seek revenge for both real and imagined slights.
Hypersensitivity
They feel insecure, so they get really upset even with the smallest criticism. If you don’t agree with them, they think you’re wrong because they always want to be right.
They might say you’re too sensitive, but they’re actually very sensitive to any feedback. If they don’t get praised, they think it’s like getting criticized. They constantly need people to tell them they’re great to feel better about themselves because deep down, they doubt their worth.
Because they feel so much shame, they can’t admit when they’re wrong or take responsibility for their actions. They’re scared of being judged, so they won’t admit any mistakes.
In their world, things are either good or bad, right or wrong. If they make a mistake, they feel like a failure and unlovable because they’re already dealing with a lot of shame and insecurity.
Defenses
When a child is in trouble or makes a mistake, their first reaction is often to deny it. They might even lie about it.
Instead of taking responsibility, they might blame others — like their boss, the system, or different groups. They avoid facing the facts, and arguing with them is a waste of time.
Sometimes, they might even say you made them do something wrong. Ironically, by blaming you, they’re giving away their power, implying that you control them. If you point this out, they’ll be surprised.
After denial, their next favorite defense is projection. Instead of admitting their own weaknesses or insecurities, they accuse you and others of having those same traits. It’s like they’re trying to get rid of their own flaws by putting them on you and making you seem needy or problematic.
Don’t get caught up in their game. Talk to supportive friends and professionals when you need it most.
