The Five Friends Every Mom Needs

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ep your own kid in one piece. She asks for advice and admires your wisdom.</p><p id="86ce">You soothe the new mom when her judgmental mother-in-law throws subtle digs about her parenting. This act of friendship brings you good karma. Maybe now you won’t have to remind your tween to use soap when he showers.</p><h2 id="4e4e">The Seasoned Mom</h2><p id="27db">It doesn’t matter how old this friend is or how many kids she has. You just need someone to assure you that your kids will turn out fine. The seasoned mom has survived her kids’ diaper rash, broken bones, mood swings, cell phone drama, food allergies, broken heart, and maybe even a school suspension. This mom’s credo is, “Never let them see you sweat.”</p><p id="5226">She handles motherhood with such aplomb that you can’t help but be amazed by her. She probably has her moments of doubt like the rest of us, but her nonchalance is the stuff of legends. She gives great pep talks and knows all the best spiked seltzers.</p><h2 id="811b">Your Own Mom</h2><p id="41e4">If you’re lucky enough to be close to your mom, she’s a true-blue friend at this stage of your life. No one else is willing to babysit your toddler who has another mysterious rash on the eve of your important work presentat

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ion. When your son is a teenager, only Grandma will find charm in their monosyllabic answers and questionable hygiene.</p><p id="624d">I find that a lot of women turn motherhood into a pissing contest.</p><p id="9d4d" type="7">Here’s the unofficial mom rating formula:</p><p id="0059" type="7">Take the sum of kids you have. Multiply it by the hours you spend on Pinterest planning birthday parties. Then subtract your number of store-bought bake sale items and missed PTA events.</p><p id="00ef">While the neighborhood moms may be competitive, your mom will never make you feel like crap because you accidentally sent your kid to school in pajamas when it wasn’t, in fact, Pajama Day. Your mom thinks you’re great, no matter what.</p><h2 id="e09b">The Mom in the Mirror</h2><p id="ce7c">No mom listicle would be complete without a mention of YOU, the mom running the show. Sure, you may live in yoga pants, but you are doing it, Mama. You’re there every day, in every way, for your kids. So silence your inner critic and be a friend to yourself.</p><p id="70a6">Put your feet up, enjoy some trashy television, and give yourself permission to ignore the laundry. It will be there tomorrow. And so will you. Crushing it, like always.</p></article></body>

The Twenty-Something

The primary purpose of this friend is to keep you young and to teach you the current slang. I thought ‘salty’ described an awesome soft pretzel, and ‘thirsty’ was what I’d be after I scarfed it down. Turns out ‘salty’ is Oscar the Grouch on a bad day, and ‘thirsty’ means desperate.

You need to know slang so you don’t tell your teenage kids, “Oh, Dad and I are going to take it easy this weekend. You know, Netflix and chill.” The resulting therapy bills will drain the college fund.

The New Mom

This friend is good for your ego. She looks up to you because you’ve managed to keep your own kid in one piece. She asks for advice and admires your wisdom.

You soothe the new mom when her judgmental mother-in-law throws subtle digs about her parenting. This act of friendship brings you good karma. Maybe now you won’t have to remind your tween to use soap when he showers.

The Seasoned Mom

It doesn’t matter how old this friend is or how many kids she has. You just need someone to assure you that your kids will turn out fine. The seasoned mom has survived her kids’ diaper rash, broken bones, mood swings, cell phone drama, food allergies, broken heart, and maybe even a school suspension. This mom’s credo is, “Never let them see you sweat.”

She handles motherhood with such aplomb that you can’t help but be amazed by her. She probably has her moments of doubt like the rest of us, but her nonchalance is the stuff of legends. She gives great pep talks and knows all the best spiked seltzers.

Your Own Mom

If you’re lucky enough to be close to your mom, she’s a true-blue friend at this stage of your life. No one else is willing to babysit your toddler who has another mysterious rash on the eve of your important work presentation. When your son is a teenager, only Grandma will find charm in their monosyllabic answers and questionable hygiene.

I find that a lot of women turn motherhood into a pissing contest.

Here’s the unofficial mom rating formula:

Take the sum of kids you have. Multiply it by the hours you spend on Pinterest planning birthday parties. Then subtract your number of store-bought bake sale items and missed PTA events.

While the neighborhood moms may be competitive, your mom will never make you feel like crap because you accidentally sent your kid to school in pajamas when it wasn’t, in fact, Pajama Day. Your mom thinks you’re great, no matter what.

The Mom in the Mirror

No mom listicle would be complete without a mention of YOU, the mom running the show. Sure, you may live in yoga pants, but you are doing it, Mama. You’re there every day, in every way, for your kids. So silence your inner critic and be a friend to yourself.

Put your feet up, enjoy some trashy television, and give yourself permission to ignore the laundry. It will be there tomorrow. And so will you. Crushing it, like always.