Sex/Self

The First Person I Had Mind-Blowing Sex With Didn’t Love Me

Were the orgasms worth it?

The first person I ever had mind-blowing, brain-distorting, sweep-you-off-your-feet sex with was someone I will obviously never forget. Those hot and heavy trysts with him are burned into my brain for eternity.

However, this man didn’t love me. In fact, he made quite the fool out of me.

I was young — maybe 20. He was older. He had been with plenty of other women in his lifetime. The guy was an absolute charmer and incredibly good-looking to boot.

Quite surprisingly to me, on one beautiful, humid evening on a tropical island, this tall, handsome man chose me. He seduced me utterly and completely. He embodied the very essence of a smooth operator. It was a beautiful sexual experience.

It lasted about a month. I couldn’t get enough of him. I craved him day and night. He was a gentle lover — soft and whispery. And he brought me to orgasm every single time we were together. It was my first truly satisfying series of sexual encounters.

I thought we were a couple — like an official couple. I thought things were going really well. The only problem was — he wasn’t sleeping with only me.

I remember the day he blew off our plans for the first time — which was unusual because we had spent almost every day together for weeks. I arrived unannounced at his front door. It was already opened a crack. I walked in. There he was with another woman, embracing her the same way he had been embracing me for weeks.

She was a young woman I was already acquainted with around town. She was older than me, with much more experience.

It was a massive blow. I left quickly, feeling hot with embarrassment and unable to process my feelings in any rational way. I immediately put myself in a hot shower — and cried in there for about an hour. Then I cried some more that night — and again for the next week. My heart actually hurt. I’m sure you may know the feeling.

That’s the thing about being a young woman who experiences sensational sex for the first time in her life with a more experienced lover. It’s hard to let go of. You don’t want to let go of it. You want to hold onto it forever.

The agony of losing a physical connection with someone when you’re feeling more alive with them than you’ve ever felt in your life is a crushing lesson — especially for a young person with little to no experience.

I wandered aimlessly for a while after this event, lost in a haze of devastation. I was a heartbroken zombie.

Apparently, I was not the only one experiencing orgasms with this man, and the other woman I had found him with was not the only one either. There was yet another woman in the mix. He had been a sly one. And I had been a fool — a fool who was, apparently, in close, intimate company with other fools just like me.

This man definitely didn’t love me. He may have desired me for a time — but there was no real care or concern.

Looking back now, I wonder if I was really in love with this man or not. Perhaps I was just greedy. Maybe I just wanted more orgasms. I can’t really blame myself for that.

Confusing a potent sexual connection with actual love and caring is a common mistake many young women — and young people in general — make. It’s a human mistake. A mistake rooted in the desire for love.

It’s par for the course. We live, we love, and hopefully, some of us get to experience earth-shattering sex with someone at some point in our lives even if they do end up breaking our hearts. It’s understandable not to want to lose that feeling of really connecting with someone on a physical level.

In the end, it’s okay that this seductive man dropped me like a hot potato. It’s okay that this man didn’t love me. It’s okay that he didn’t seem to care much that my tears were shed in his name.

It happens. We get fooled. We make assumptions. We tread in places where we may be in over our heads. Especially when we are young with fresh and naive hearts.

I will always remember this man with his sensual charm and quiet aura. He gave me some pretty intense sexual experiences that I will always remember. He opened up my sexual world. He betrayed me — but I survived — a little wiser and a lot more experienced than I was before.

And for all of this, I am grateful.

The link below will take you to my referral page where you’ll have the choice to invest $5 a month to support my writing and gain access to every article on Medium. Thank you xoxo

Want more articles from me? Keep scrolling.

Still here? You can show your love for my writing by leaving me a tip, contributing monthly, or buying me a random glass of wine on my Ko-fi page! Thank you!