The Fine Line Between Giving Feedback and Being an A-Hole

I don’t know about you, but as a writer, I get feedback all the time on my work as I should. Without it, I wouldn’t grow as a writer. Editors are there to make our jobs easier, not harder. I’ve been an editor for a small publication, and I can tell you the last thing I wanted when talking to writers was to be an a-hole to them.

In fact, I made sure that my feedback was encouraging while being honest. However, there is a fine line between giving that feedback and being an a-hole, and I’ll give you some examples and encouragement below.

In my career, I had an editor who told me an article I had written was ‘unimaginative, boring and lacking oomph.’ Ouch. That hit me hard, and for days I was plagued by self-doubt on whether this was really a path I was meant to be on despite having been on for a while and getting validation from lots of other people on how well I was at writing.

Heck, I’m in a master's program for English and creative writing. So something has to be good about it, right?

Let me tell you that despite that, I picked myself back up and moved on, figuring out that everyone is going to have their opinion and not everyone is going to like what you write. But with that knowledge, understand you need to stand by your work. I stood by mine and redid that headline and article, sent it back, and they were glad I did, giving me positive feedback on it. That still didn’t land me the job, but at least it showed me I could pick myself back up after such a blow and still be creative.

The fine line between giving advice or feedback and being an a-hole is thin. As someone that’s brutally honest 90% of the time, I can tell you I cross that line sometimes. I tell it like it is, have a no-nonsense approach, and will let you know if I’m displeased or pleased with something in no little terms. That’s great for most people if I make sure I’m also being encouraging at the same time and ensure that I’m not so brutally honest that I’m an a-hole.

For example, I had a writer that didn’t speak English fluently; however, he was an excellent writer in coming up with content. It was just that his English didn’t always match up to snuff for what we needed. Instead of telling him his English was crap and needed work, I worked with him to improve his vocabulary choice and word structure. Hence, he felt more comfortable, and I showed him tools such as Grammarly, which would help him format his articles better.

I was, however, honest with him and told him that his English needed work, but I couched it with the encouragement that we could work on it and get him into a better spot with time and patience.

Someone who knows that line will toe it and test it occasionally, depending on the person they’re talking to. And believe me, my friends know me well enough that if I cross that line, there’s a reason for me to do so. One of my friends even comes to me and says, ‘I need your honest, brutal advice’ once in a while about something she’s having trouble deciding on.

Ensure you’re not only encouraging but enjoy lifting others with your feedback and honesty. Most times, people will find it refreshing not to be met with a fake smile and platitudes that pander to their egos. That doesn’t mean going around and being brutally honest with everyone you know, some people can’t handle that kind of feedback, and you need to be aware of that.

Being empathetic to those around you is a wonderful skill to have when you’re someone like me. Knowing how to read body language, listen, work with people, and read various attitudes and personalities.

So, please, when you’re giving feedback, be aware that brutal honesty isn’t always the best way to go, but honesty is appreciated. Feedback is appreciated, and that’s how we, as writers or as people, will grow. Writers, take feedback from editors and run with it. It’s solid gold in most cases (but not in all cases) and will help you improve upon your work, or at least help you gain a perspective you didn’t have before.

Toe that fine line, but be patient, be empathetic, be aware. Lift those around you while being honest with not only yourself and them, give them feedback worth giving and not just because you can give it. Wise men and women often say little but impart great knowledge when they speak.

I’m not claiming to be wise… yet. But I feel I’m getting there slowly. If you’re not there yet, it will come with time, patience, and if you’re anything like me, with age. Be patient, young padawan; your time will come.