The Fine Art Of Helping People Learn, Grow and Succeed.

One essential leadership skill: delivering feedback that’s honest and respectful.

Whether you’re a young whippersnapper making your way up the leadership food chain or an established boss with years of experience, you’ve got to be good at providing constructive feedback to your people.

Why? Because the higher up the ladder you go, the more your people skills count. Technical mastery is the ante to get you into the game. But if you want to go places, you’ve got to be a good people developer.

One critical skill in people development is knowing how to give effective feedback, both positive and developmental. Feedback helps people grow and succeed. Without feedback, people are flying blind. They need to know what they’re doing well and where there’s room for improvement.

If your goal is to drive peak performance, it’s your job to provide timely, specific feedback.

Let’s not minimize the issue: Giving direct feedback to someone can be a real challenge. There is a lot at stake. If it goes badly, relationships may be damaged, jeopardizing the ability to work well together in the future.

Emotions may run high and be challenging to manage. You may worry about the person’s reaction and your ability to handle any blowback. As a result, you may shy away from giving honest feedback and opt to “sugarcoat” or minimize it.

Or, worst case scenario, you don’t give it at all and just put up with behavior that is less than desirable.

On the other hand, you might be the type of person that prides themselves on “telling it like it is” and being “brutally honest.” The problem here is that bravado has the impact of being hurtful and tends to do more harm than good.

The solution: be honest and respectful.

Sound impossible? No, it’s not.

I used the following seven steps for fifteen years when I was a V.P of Sales in corporate America, managing business units and sales teams.

It works.

With practice, you can deliver effective, honest, and respectful feedback that builds stronger relationships, gets work done more effectively and leaves you feeling proud of what you have done.

1. Prepare.

Your mindset underpins your behavior. For example, a positive, focused, energetic attitude will help the toughest of conversations go better. On the other hand, a frustrated, agitated, and unfocused mindset will not help generate a positive outcome from a critical feedback conversation.

If you’re not in a good place, postpone the discussion. If you are in a good frame of mind, the following questions will help clarify your intention and purpose for giving feedback.

• What would I like to have to happen for them as a result of this conversation?
• What is my overall intention in delivering this feedback? Is it to help them go forward? Is it something else? If so, what?
• What facts do I know about the situation? What has the person done or said? What don’t I know about the situation?
• Am I satisfied overall with their performance? Or do I have more serious concerns?

2. Choose the right time and place.

The right conversation at the wrong time is the wrong conversation.

Make sure you have chosen a setting appropriate for the discussion. For example, years ago, when I was the head of a sales team, I bumped into one of my salespeople in the office hallway, and we started a conversation.

Before I knew it, I was giving him feedback about a joint sales presentation we had just done and how he could have done better. Later, I found out he was pretty upset that I had delivered this feedback in a public place where other people could overhear our conversation.

I was pretty embarrassed and apologized to him.

Suggestion: Confirm that the person you are speaking with is in a private location and check to see if they are in a state of mind where they can receive feedback.

If they are too stressed out, distracted, or tired, it’s not the right time.

3. Provide the context for the feedback.

Assuming you are satisfied with the person’s overall performance and this isn’t a disciplinary or termination discussion (another subject), the first step in the meeting is to create the context for the discussion.

Example:

“Sean, I want to talk with you today about your performance. Overall, I am delighted with how you carry out your responsibilities, particularly in areas A, B, and C. And I have one concern that I want to talk with you about today.”

(Don’t say, “but I have one concern.” Use and. Saying but is like an eraser that negates everything you just said.)

Context is the framework for the conversation rather than the details of the feedback. Think of it as a nose cone- it sets the stage and creates a positive environment.

4. If you have a concern, express it.

If you are delivering feedback with the intent of helping the other person focus on the issue, the situation, the facts, and the behavior of the person in question.

It’s easy and natural to make judgments or assumptions first, and this is not the time for those. Instead, this is the time to be clear on what you have observed and the known facts.

Here are some examples of judgments and assumptions, and facts.

Judgment/assumption: you are lazy, or you are troublesome

Facts: you delivered the report two days late, or I overheard you raising your voice with a client

Here’s an example of how to express a concern.

“I’m concerned you have turned in the month-end report two days late. Correct me if I am wrong. I recall that you promised several weeks ago to send it to me this past Monday, and you delivered it to me after hours on Wednesday.”

When you focus on the facts, both parties can start the conversation from a shared understanding. However, when you make value judgments or assumptions, people see these as an attack upon their value or dignity, which triggers defensiveness, which blocks the ability to have a productive conversation.

5. Share the impact on you and others.

Doing this helps the other person see that their behavior has an emotional impact on you or others, how it affects relationships, and how it may impact the business.

“The impact on me is that I am disappointed personally, I am losing trust in what you tell me, and for me to roll up all the reports, I need to ask already stretched support staff to work overtime.”

6. Ask the other person to respond. Then listen with an open mind.

After you’ve finished giving your feedback, ask the other person to respond. In our example, the feedback giver believes there was a commitment to deliver the report on Monday. If Sean disputed that fact, then a different conversation must occur.

Let’s assume Sean made a commitment. It’s important to hear his explanation of what happened.

There may be information that you don’t know.

The key to effective listening is to suspend judgment and listen with curiosity and openness. Just going through the motions and pretending to hear isn’t going to contribute to a positive outcome.

Body language, voice tone, and appropriate questions that draw out the full story are critical ingredients that help create a mutual understanding of what occurred.

7. Mutually address the concern and agree on the next steps.

Several things can happen here. You might:

• Respond to any concerns or questions the other person has brought up.
• Ask what the person can do to address the performance gap.
• Make your suggestion, ask the person what they think, and seek a commitment to your request.

The underlying principle is to elicit a commitment. A commitment is not imposed on another but is an agreement based upon a request and a promise. It is specific and includes action steps and time frames.

If you make a suggestion and they disagree, then the conversation continues until you reach a mutual agreement regarding who does what by when.

Wrapping it up.

Of course, a good process doesn’t guarantee success every time, but it helps to have a roadmap. And, no matter what the outcome, when you deliver feedback that’s both honest and respectful, you can be proud of your behavior at the end of the day.

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