The Fine Art Of Being A Spiritual Loner
Inspiration for anyone who feels they’re on the outside looking in.
A spiritual loner — someone who longs for inner connection, who seeks to know what makes human beings sparkle and shine.
Someone who understands the journey is done alone.
My friend, Alan, who posted this on Facebook, describes what it’s like for him to be alone.
“I’m never lonely when I’m alone. I’ve really only felt isolated, alone, and lonely in the company of certain people, with whom I have virtually nothing in common, but who insist on my compliance with their social order.”
I imagine Alan at a cocktail party, a fitting microcosm for life, doing his best to be social, but bored with the small talk, the superficial niceties, and fake laughter.
He plays the game but knows there’s so much more.
That’s the life of a spiritual loner.
Spiritual loners are often outsiders looking in.
When I was younger, I often felt like an outsider peaking into a world consumed with looking good, being right, winning at any cost, judging others, being selfish, arrogant, rude, and superficial.
I sometimes felt alone and lost—a stranger in a strange land.
I wondered if I was the only one not enjoying the big party and whether I was a few handfuls short of a whole bowl of popcorn.
But over time, I concluded I wasn’t nuts— I was simply a loner — someone who’s taken a different path. And I began to realize I’m not the only one who feels this way.
There are plenty of loners playing the game at the big cocktail party. If any of us get temporarily miserable, it’s only because someone tries to convince us to give up our loner thing and join the crowd.
But many cocktail party peeps don’t understand loners are not lonely at all, but quite content, and not interested in giving up what they know to be true.
The difference between loneliness and being alone.
Lonely means “sad because one has no friends or company.” It’s an emotion with nothing to do with being alone — but an invader who has taken over territory to which it has no right.
Loneliness is like boredom — the inability to exist in the present moment without stimulation or distraction.
We live in a switched-on world — it’s easy to go on autopilot, get addicted to stimulation, and constantly seek connection through social media. But the price we pay for all this connection on demand is often disconnection and the very loneliness we seek to avoid.
The root of discontentment.
The times I’ve been lonely in my life all shared one thing in common — non-acceptance of my circumstances and wanting something I couldn’t have.
Discontentment is the denial of the present moment — it’s lamenting the past or hoping the future is better. Either way, you remove yourself from living in the present — where the experience of contentment exists.
When you go through your life not knowing yourself, you look for what’s within you in everything outside of you— your work, relationships, or the constant pursuit of peak experiences, but inevitably, you’ll come up frustrated, hurt, angry, and ultimately empty.
“If you cannot be at ease with yourself when alone, you will seek a relationship to cover up your unease. You can be sure that the unease will then reappear in some other form within the relationship, and you will probably hold your partner responsible for it.”
— Eckhart Tolle
Find the inner magic.
You find your inner magic when you’ve had enough of the big cocktail party.
You know it’s fake and something tells you there’s got to be more.
That’s when you get thirsty for the truth and want to know what makes you tick, sparkle and shine. Your thirst is your guide and helps you find the inner magic — your best friend and closest ally.
And when you experience the inner magic, you’ve become a loner who’s found contentment. No loneliness there.
Thich Nhat Hanh says,
“To practice solitude is to practice being in this singular moment, not caught in the past, not carried away by the future, and most of all not carried away by the crowd. You don’t have to go to the forest.”
The singular moment is where we exist all the time — where the infinite and the finite meet. It’s a special place, but it’s not discriminatory — it’s meant for everyone, and fully accessible. We’re made and designed for it.
Being at ease with yourself enables you to find the inner wisdom built into your brain. For example, neuroscience tells us the middle prefrontal cortex is rich with circuitry that generates empathy, compassion, gratitude, curiosity, creativity, and peacefulness.
Loners who make an effort regularly to go within access these positive, generative emotions and get to know their higher selves.
“It’s beautiful to be alone. To be alone does not mean to be lonely. It means the mind is not influenced or contaminated by society.”
— Krishnamurti
We’re never alone.
There are lots of ways to go within — contemplation, journaling, walks in nature, meditation, prayer, visualization, and so on. Raj yoga, (royal union) a form of closed-eye meditation, has been my principal way of going within for fifty years now.
There is a fountain of happiness and fulfillment within us is all I can tell you.
Whatever you do, you know it’s essential to your well-being — it keeps you grounded, sane, and content.
I know my true home is full of lightness, joy, and inspiration. When my morning practice concludes, I open my eyes, slowly re-entering the big cocktail party with a soft smile on my face.
It’s time to play the game.
Be a loner.
Be a loner, and friendly and social when it’s called for.
Be a loner and open-minded.
Be a loner and speak your truth confidently.
Be a loner and stand firm in your values and boundaries.
Be a loner and bring your gifts to the world.
Be a loner and never give up on your dreams.
Be a loner and be proud of your success.
Be a loner and celebrate someone else’s success.
“Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.”
— Albert Einstein
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