You Can Be Happier With Less Fear

Are your irrational fears holding you back in a big way?

What frightens you?

Spiders, snakes, storms, heights, flying, closed-in spaces, public speaking, being alone, commitment — the list can be endless.

Some of our fears are based on bad experiences, and we consider them healthy, while others are irrational and have no basis.

Fears are also widespread and don’t mean you’re crazy. Whew! But not spending any time rationalizing them can also be a mistake.

We tend to have kneejerk reactions like, “no way I’m doing that — it scares the crap out of me!”

Fear is an emotion and a natural survival instinct to protect us from perceived threats. So it’s a good thing, but we can’t allow it to take over our lives.

Sometimes we go to great lengths to avoid fearful situations causing ourselves inconvenience and unnecessary lifestyle changes.

For example, if you have claustrophobia, you might dismiss a lucrative job offer because of the elevator ride required to get to your office.

Or if you have a fear of heights, you might drive an extra 10 miles to avoid a tall bridge.

My Experience

I find fear most limiting in my life when I need to try something new that I may not be good at.

I have an irrational fear of not being or doing things perfectly.

So when these situations arise, they paralyze me, and I find myself rejecting them or having significant anxiety around them.

It’s been an obstacle in my life for as long as I can remember.

My younger sister likes to remind me of the time (in our 20’s) when she tried to teach me how to drive a car with a standard transmission. I wanted to learn how but was afraid of failing. She convinced me that it was easy to pick up and that I’d ace it, so I tried.

She was patient and knew her stuff, but within fifteen minutes of stalling the car repeatedly, I got angry and extremely frustrated. I pulled the car over and got out, insisting she take over. I pretty much had a tantrum. I decided I wasn’t cut out for it and refused to try again until many years later.

I was very impatient with myself if I couldn’t learn how to do something quickly enough.

The older version of me just giggled as I wrote this. I can’t pick anything new up in fifteen minutes anymore…haha!

That pattern continued over much of my life. The result being that I missed many opportunities to improve my experiences and find more happiness.

My perception was that if I fail to meet the ridiculously high standards I set for myself, others will think less of me. Silly to some, but super real to me.

Fear of failure is real, and it can eclipse our motivation to succeed.

How to End Your Irrational Fear

So how do you punch that irrational fear right in the face so you can enjoy more of what life offers?

What helped me immensely was intentionally fighting off the immediate fear-based urge by pausing for a minute to think through it objectively.

I start by asking myself this question; other than maybe not doing well or looking silly, will this cause me harm? If the answer is no, I still feel afraid; I ask myself why and reason through my responses.

(Please don’t take the time to do this if a bear is chasing you through the woods.)

Learning that I didn’t need to fear failure and understanding that I miss life-altering opportunities, I decided to make some changes.

I dug a little deeper and found something simple that helped a great deal.

This little trick came to me in the form of an acronym that I refer back to quite frequently.

Irrational fear is nothing more than — False Evidence Appearing Real.

Perceived threats are just that, perceived.

If you’ve been bitten by a dog, for example, it would be reasonable to be afraid of a snarling Rottweiler racing towards you. But it’s irrational to be terrified of a friendly 10 lb — terrier on a leash.

We see this all the time, don’t we? Someone bitten by a dog as a 6-year-old child will still run to the other side of the street at age 45 when they see any dog coming down the sidewalk on a leash.

It seems silly to the person walking the dog because they know their little pup is no threat to anyone, but to that 45-year-old, it’s rational behaviour.

Since I’ve made an effort to think past my initial fear-based reactions, my heart feels lighter somehow. I try new things more often and find I’m quite good at more than I expected I could be.

That, in turn, helped with my self-esteem, and I learned that it’s necessary to fail if you ever plan to succeed. So I try, I fail forward, and I try again.

No big deal!

“Fail early. Fail often. Fail forward.“ — Will Smith

The sky didn’t fall. People didn’t point and stare. I didn’t die of humiliation, and life went on! Once I learned to laugh at myself and my failures, my life took a turn for the better.

I found a creative side to my personality that I had no idea even existed. It’s how I found out I could write. I still hold my breath when I hit publish, but I do it anyway!

It’s exhilarating.

I take the publication rejections in stride and use it as a stepping stone to improve my work, instead of remaining paralyzed by my fear of not being perfect.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” — Jack Canfield

The Wrap Up

So ask yourself next time you’re experiencing fear if there is any real evidence of a threat, or is it exaggerated in your head?

Can this perceived threat cause you any real harm?

Think hard on that one.

Even if it feels out of control now, this simple trick will help you overcome your anxiety so you can enjoy all of what life has in store for you.

We all want to be better versions of ourselves, and our irrational fears can keep us from experiencing so many things that may bring us fulfilment, joy and true happiness.

So yes, run from the bear (Forget Everything And Run) but take that great job even if it means you might have to speak in public.

Write that next article and hit publish this time — you’ll be amazed how the world opens up for you.

You might also enjoy this article if you’re afraid of what will happen if you get laid off work.

I’m Liz, the self-empowered, red wine & coffee lovin’, personal growth fanatic behind this article. I’ve stopped shrinking into places I’ve outgrown and I’m a fan of straight talk and practical solutions. That’s why I’m here to Empower, Educate and Entertain.