The Fastest Way Good Men Lose Women and How to Stop Crippling Your Love Life

Are you cock-blocking yourself?

One of the fastest ways to lose a woman is to want her too badly.

It usually happens to good men who are looking for love. And it’s a pity. Because with only a few tweaks in perspective, you could be dating at a whole different level.

And you wouldn’t be one of the guys complaining that they can’t get a woman no matter what they try, or that women don’t want good men.

Women do want good men. What they don’t want is desperate, drooling, clingy, helpless men. And sometimes good men who don’t know how to act around a woman will fall into these categories.

These are not bad guys. They’re good guys who make bad decisions because they just don’t know any better.

Here’s what not to do.

There are a lot of desperate men out there. Don’t be one of them. Men are so desperate to be with a woman as if that’s their only purpose in life.

They wake up, and instead of a morning coffee, they slide into some poor girls’ DMs. Actually, it’s at least 5 girls, just to make sure he gets one of them.

His life is entirely centered around women. Not a particular woman, but the idea of being with a woman, any woman who will have him.

If any poor woman shows him the slightest amount of interest, that’s when he goes all crazy trying to pull her closer to him.

It’s a really sad display of desperation that will make that woman run up the hills and never look back.

Don’t worry, women do it too and it’s s turn-off on any gender.

But let me give you a very straightforward example of what happened to me only 2 weeks ago.

I sometimes post little stories from my personal life on Facebook and interact through comments with the people there. It’s like a small community of people who have fun with my day-to-day antics.

One day, one of the guys who keeps commenting on my posts wrote me a message telling me that I have great energy and asking me out on a date, if I’m not involved with anyone.

I told him I’m not, but I don’t date. If he wants to meet as friends, however, I’m open to it. He said yes to that and we set a meeting after a few days.

Since then he spent those few days constantly writing to me.

He woke me up with a good morning and ended the day with a good night. Whatever he laid his eyes on and deemed interesting, he would send it to me. Memes, links, songs, etc.

One day into it and I felt like an overwhelmed mom with an overactive child: Mommy, I’m here, and I’m jumping up and down! Look, mommy, I found this meme, isn’t it funny? Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!

Aaaargh!!!

I mean… seriously wtf? How much time does he think I have to be constantly chatting with someone I don’t even know?

Why does he have all this time on his hands and why is he using it to pester a stranger? A woman who clearly said she is only open to friendship. Not dating and definitely not mothering a grown-up.

Needless to say, I canceled the get-together. No matter how much you like a woman, and especially if you like her a lot, please don’t be this guy.

And then, there is the next level of awkwardness.

About a year ago I was travelling with a guy friend. He’s been my friend for years and we have a very good rapport. At least we do in normal day-to-day friendship activities. I surely didn’t expect what happened on our trip and it freaked me out.

My friend had to go to London for an impromptu business trip. I happened to be next to him when he got the call. He instantly turned to me and said joyously:

‘Why don’t you join me?!’

I was so poor at the time… no job, no money, no prospects.

‘I can’t, I said,’ with undisguised regret in my voice. ‘You know I’m dead poor these days.’

‘I’ll pay for everything!’

I nearly froze. Everything? Like… everything?

‘Plane, Airbnb, food, everything!’

I couldn’t have jumped faster at the opportunity. By the time he said food my bag was already half-packed!

So we went. We worked, we visited, we walked around, ate the best food I’ve ever tried (at Wagamama), and truly had a wonderful time. Except…

We were both staying in the same room. Separate beds, but since the room was small, our beds were placed together to make one big bed. We could have pulled them apart, but the room was small and honestly, I saw no problem in sleeping in the same bed as him.

The guy is like a brother to me.

If by this point you imagine there was a problem leaning towards the sexual side of things, think again.

It wasn’t sexual, it was… creepy? Insane? Emotionally laden with wtf?

Here’s what happened. After about 2 days, he suddenly got incredibly clingy. I mean physically clingy, in the most literal sort of way. He would cling to me like a monkey to a tree. Or a child to his mom.

For example, we were riding those huge red double-decker buses. It was raining. London, right?

We were both standing in the bus and I have a stupid habit of imitating people’s accents wherever I go. Just for laughs. I love accents and I’m quite good at it as long as I hear someone else speaking it.

So while I was all ‘care for a cuppa, dear?’, with a dropped jaw and a raised eyebrow, and we were almost pissing our pants laughing, he took me by the hand. There goes the laughter!

I froze and stared at him. He was looking soulfully into my eyes and came closer, moved his palm on the upper side of my arm, and squeezed it gently.

Bloody ‘ell! What was the lad doing?

Whatever he was doing, he continued in the hotel the next day. I was usually the first to wake up, put the laptop in my lap, and start working. When he also woke up he came closer to me and hugged one of my legs while placing his face on my hip.

Cor blimey! Was he daft?

No, he wasn’t. He just needed attention, affection, and intimacy, and he was asking the wrong person.

He treated me like a girlfriend rather than a friend. This is what a lot of men do, even with women who aren’t even their friends yet.

Jumping straight into intimacy, commitment, and relationships without checking if the other person feels the same way.

That’s when girls run.

If you’re one of these guys, here’s what you can do about it.

Change your perspective on women.

Be aware that women are constantly chased by other guys just like you, who want something from them.

At the same time, women don’t owe you anything. Just because you like her it doesn’t mean that she likes you. I know you know that, because it’s common sense, but it’s very frustrating to like someone and not have them like us back.

That frustration shows.

A lot of men are somewhat emotionally dependent on women, their presence, and their appreciation. That’s what you need to work on — being self-sufficient and approaching women from a sense of detached interest rather than a drooly mess who needs his fix.

Treat them like individuals rather than a concept.

Women as a concept are something abstract that we only talk about for the sake of psychology, sociology, or this article. Just like men.

When you’re talking to one woman, don’t look at her as if she’s all women, the goddess of femininity bestowing her blessings upon the world, or somebody whose purpose in life is to bear the children of men.

She’s a person, just like you. She doesn’t hold the key to your happiness. You do. She also will not make you more complete, or fulfilled.

Women are not looking for slaves or jokers. They’re looking for partners. Equals. Good men who get it. Are you one of them?

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