The Family Priorities List We All Need but We All Fear

This is going to be strongly unpopular

This idea is going to be strongly unpopular,

if misunderstood.

Today, March 2022, I am a father for almost two years. I have a beautiful wife and a little daughter who both require attention, energy, and effort. Like always happens with beautiful things in life.

Being a father now, and a husband before, put me in a meditative state and I frequently think about my role in the family along with the one in my own life.

I also analyze at night what my day was like, to better understand myself, my behaviour, and the points I may change or improve.

I came to this, fairly unpopular, conclusion:

there should be a small list of priorities for all family members.

But especially for the parents:

1. Me
2. My wife/husband
3. My children

Please, don’t play the silly do-gooder / do-thinker and open your mind.

I noticed, more than once, that when I’m not fully satisfied with myself and my life I do poorly with or for my family. I try and I try, but I can’t be as present as I want or a good parent and husband as my daughter and wife deserve.

We all need time for ourselves and sacrificing it in favour of family time is not as heroic as it may seem.

To be and feel good in a relationship we need to be and feel good by ourselves first.

This extends to the family too: I feel good → I can be a good husband → I can be a good parent. There is no other way than to follow these steps, in this order.

Every time that I manage to please myself, not give up on my passions, and have even just a little me-time, I end up full of energy, positivity, hope goodwill, and I feel relieved from stress, more patient, and less nervous.

The result?

Allowing myself a little me-time makes me a better man, husband, and father.

That’s why, even if shortly, I come first.

This, however, doesn’t mean that my child’s Sunday match is less important than my stuff. Or that being with my wife always comes after playing video games.

I’m not inciting egoism.

As always, balance is the key. I feel like a fuel tank: I can withstand some drainage, but from time to time there is a need for a refill, before draining again.

Get access to my stories and those of other Medium writers for just $5 a month. With no additional cost to you, I will receive half of your payments as a commission: it’s a great way to support me!

Join my newsletter and receive regular notifications when I post.