I Used to Hate Making Out

From the worst kiss ever to a kissing addict

Sometimes our passion for something is so strong, we love it from the very moment we discover it.

Music was like that for me. And singing. The two went hand in hand. I was singing in an itty bitty children’s choir by the time I was four, and I remember always loving music and the physical act of singing. Since then, my passion for the art has only grown.

Same thing with running. When I started running for soccer, I loved it so much that I eventually left the sport behind completely and switched to just running. I haven’t played soccer since high school, but I still run. It’s the most meditative thing I do. It slows the world down for an hour and lets me think.

Kissing, on the other hand, was an acquired taste for me. In fact, when I first experienced it, it actually disgusted me to the point where I couldn’t do it.

I don’t mean a quick peck on the lips or cheek. I was always fine with that. I realized I was pretty fond of the idea of kissing as early as preschool, when I grabbed a boy by the shoulders and planted an unwanted smooch right on his mouth.

But later, when it got down to dating and making out, I was completely put off by tongue wrestling and spit swapping. That’s because my first experience with French kissing was repulsive. The poor guy had no clue what he was doing.

Neither did I, to be fair.

He came straight at my face, tongue first.

When I was sixteen (yes, SIXTEEN and never properly kissed), my Catholic gal pal set me up with one of her church friends who went to an all-boys Catholic school.

He was a bit awkward and geeky, just like me. He kind of had a young John Cusack thing going, so I was obviously smitten right away. We went out for Italian and then walked around a quaint little park, where we started talking about religion for whatever reason and he told me he was agnostic. His family was deeply religious, so that stood out to me. What a complex character, I’d thought. How mysterious and sophisticated! I was clearly super attracted to intelligence. It’s one of my biggest turn-ons.

And what a terrible kisser, I realized later that night. At least, he was back then. I’m entirely sure he’s great at it now and he’s making some woman somewhere in the world very happy. We’re not all naturals.

After the park and the religion chat, he drove me home, turned into my driveway, put the car in park — and then, without the slightest warning, HE CAME STRAIGHT AT MY FACE, TONGUE FIRST.

It was all very fast, like some macabre end-of-date choreography he’d rehearsed a dozen times — in his head, not in real life. Because if he’d practiced a dozen times in real life, with a person, I likely wouldn’t have been so traumatized.

I flinched as his tongue jettisoned into my mouth and his lips squished against mine. It took me a moment to react, I was so caught off guard, but after his big tongue stabbed mine a couple times, I pulled back with so much force that my back hit the passenger door.

First kiss — check

So my first taste of making out was…bleck. The guy was clueless and clumsy, and it was a situation where a well-placed “Can I kiss you?” might have made all the difference. But the world will never know — there wasn’t a second date.

My first physical connection with a guy, and I was completely grossed out.

Dr. Valerie Curtis, author of Don’t Look, Don’t Touch, Don’t Eat: The Science Behind Revulsion, gives a view to support that kissing evolved from our basic disgust with one another.

“One of the biggest dangers we faced was not from large predators, but from invisible predators inside: the worms, the scabies, the parasites. If you see someone walking down a street, they are a seething mass of parasites. You certainly don’t want to kiss them. On the other hand, humans are deeply social, so we have to deal with this problem. We have to prove we can get over the disgust. Kissing is the first sign that you are taking a risk.”

Based on my first kiss, I know exactly what Dr. Curtis means. I’ve grappled with my own mild-to-moderate germaphobia. And after my first experience, the idea of a tongue in my mouth was a bit hard to…swallow?

The next guy I kissed had been my boyfriend for a few weeks before we shifted from lips only to full-on Frenching. He was so patient with me and took kissing nice and slow. I remember thinking, Wow — this isn’t disgusting after all!

I was relieved. In fact, I quite got to liking it. I liked it so much, that I wanted to do it often, for hours at a time. From then on, I’ve always loved a good, hot makeout session.

And that passion, that intimacy that comes with passionate kissing — it’s something we shouldn’t lose just because we start having sex.

The kissing craze

I’ve made it clear that I love a good orgasm, but making out is one of my favorite activities. I love when a man kisses me softly, then harder, his thumb against my cheek as he places his hand on the side of my neck. Or maybe he grabs my hair, tilting my head to the side so that he can deepen the kiss. I love the feel of his hands gripping my hips, holding me in place as he pushes the length of his body into me — hard. I love when his hands slide over my ass, or up to my breasts as he moves his lips to brush my ears, then suck on my neck, and then back to my mouth again…

There is a kind of intimacy in a long, passionate, full-body kiss that you can’t get any other way.

And whether the making out leads to sex or not, oh, that buildup is just exquisite.

I love kissing so much that I married a man who was particularly good at it, even though I was certain he wasn’t right for me. I often play the young-naive-stupid card when talking about why I ever decided to get married at 19 years old. I promise you that more went into my decision to go through with the wedding, but I know a part of it was thinking that when you had a white-hot kissing connection, you could work out the other little issues (i.e., HUGE RED FLAGS) between you.

I eventually learned that being a skilled kisser cannot keep a marriage from crashing and burning (duh), but it is a vital component of a truly successful relationship. My ex-husband and I eventually stopped kissing. My disgust came back full force, and eventually I could no longer stand it.

Why you should kiss more

My long-term partner is the best kisser yet. Is it because of his skill? Or because we’ve had such powerful chemistry since the day we first laid eyes on each other? Either way, we try to keep passionate kissing and making out a regular part of our physical affection.

Apparently, it’s not just good for your relationship, it’s good for your health, too.

One Arizona State University study found that married or long-term partners who were asked to increase their “romantic kissing” reported less stress, less bickering, and more relationship satisfaction. Amazingly, blood tests done before and after the six weeks of extra smooching showed there was also a decrease in bad cholesterol levels. Compared with the non-kissing control group, the couples who’d upped their game said they exercised more, argued less, had less conflict, and understood each other better.

Sometimes kissing gradually leaves a relationship, or it very rarely makes an appearance. You and your partner get too comfortable with each other and your same-same routine. Or you only kiss once or twice, quickly, before the orgasm chase begins and you move on to sex. Or maybe you just don’t feel the need to anymore. You’re together, right? What do you have to prove?

If you find that you don’t know where the kissing went in your relationship, try bringing it back and see what happens. Make a point to walk right up to your partner and plant an especially affectionate kiss at the most unexpected moment. Their reaction might surprise you. And, in my case, totally turn you on.

As I outlined this article and did my research, kissing was at the front of my mind. I’ll be the first to admit that my partner and I can fall into a comfortable/lazy routine and do more couch snuggling than making out. Or we let being busy and stressed keep us from slowing down and showing affection.

The other night, I was rushing out of the house, late to the typical adulting-type shit that everyone has to do, and I leaned down to give my partner a kiss. A quick kiss goodbye isn’t out of the norm for us, but I hovered over him, made it longer, and explored his mouth with my tongue. After maybe two seconds, his hand immediately found my breast, and we kept kissing until I absolutely couldn’t be any later.

An unexpected makeout sneak attack!

We all have jobs, kids, pets, errands, side hustles, blogs — you name it. We’re keeping busier than ever. But try laying a big, unexpected smooch (longer than five seconds) on your lover the next time you find yourself running to the grocery store when you’re out of milk.

Deep, passionate lip-locking with your lover is obviously good for your health, and there are numerous benefits to bringing it back to your relationship. Or, if it isn’t gone completely, to make the commitment to up your makeout sessions. For those who are single, the evidence-based health benefits of kissing give you all the more reason to enjoy some passionate necking now and then, even if you’re unattached to any one relationship.

Kissing bridges the gap between our bodies and our emotions. Love, expressed openly and passionately, changes us. It sparks an emotional connection that goes beyond the physical. With the right person, it can be a downright spiritual connection.

Happy making out!

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