The Etiquette of Not Touching is Easy if You Do This One Thing

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

The Golden Rule is to “do unto others.” But you need to take it up a notch and put yourself in that person’s shoes.

This is one of those rules where it’s better to err on the side of caution and keep your hands to yourself. You don’t know another person’s experience, and there’s that thing called personal space.

We all like it and we don’t like it invaded. Walking into someone’s personal space is an invasion of their privacy. In public. So you have the potential to not only make someone uncomfortable, but uncomfortable in front of others.

You won’t look so smart either, so proceed with forethought.

Aside from a handshake, touching sometimes forms a more intimate bond than some people want or is called for. This is especially true when a woman is introduced to a man or someone is introduced for the first time.

Exceptions to not the “don’t touch” very depending on the culture. It can be a lot to take in. So let’s just say that besides a handshake, the rule is “no touching.”

Here are some examples where this applies.

A Handshake, Not a Whisper or a Kiss

Joe Biden likes to touch women’s shoulders rather than their hands. A handshake certainly would have been classier.

The pictures of Stephanie Carter’s shoulders, whispering in her ear, went viral. Is that a smile of amusement or embarrassment?

She claims the gesture was not what it appeared. While other reports of Biden’s inappropriate touching surfaced, Lucy Flores, the overall sentiment was that it looked “creepy.”

For those of you who agree, you seem to know how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You have the knowledge and class to know when not to touch someone intimately.

You’re ahead of the game.

Asymmetrical Introductions

By these, I mean boss to employee, teacher to student, an older person to a younger one, to name a few.

The order of the introduction should be to introduce the person you wish to honor first. But this topic is covered in another piece. We’re talking about touching or not touching here.

Anyone in an authoritative role should do no more than shake hands. And maybe not even that.

Children to Adults

For many reasons, an adult should never touch a child that is not their own without the child’s parent’s permission, even if it’s casual and in the presence of the parents.

It amazes me that people think it’s okay to stick their heads in a baby carriage and touch someone else’s kid. The baby doesn’t like it, and neither does their mother.

Step away.

Reception Lines

Here’s where the appropriateness of hugging and kissing might become a little murky. Everyone wants to kiss the bride, hug the groom, and meet the bridesmaids.

At funeral services, hugs are meant as gestures of comfort. But the person receiving the hug needs okay with it.

Observe what other guests and visitors are doing and gauge your behavior. If you’re a close friend, great, go in for a hug. As long as you’re okay with it.

If someone offers you their hand, it’s obvious a handshake will do.

COVID-19

If you’re wearing a mask and social distancing, there’s no need to worry about if you should touch.

You’re going to have to wait until “when you can touch.” If you’re brave, shake hands and then pull out the sanitizer.

The overall message is to realize that others have different attitudes toward touching, no matter what the occasion.

Put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly.

And that means with respect.