Not Exit Interview

The English Language Forces “Gallivanting” to Retire

Thanks for your service

“Gallivanting,” welcome! You look great. Up here at English Language HR, we don’t get to see many classic gerunds like you. Have a seat, sir.

I’ve been looking at your file.

GALLIVANTING: “go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment.”

“Back in the 14th century, a young man of fashion (or a ladies’ man) was called a gallant. Etymologists think that the spelling of the verb gallant was altered to create gallivant, which originally meant “to act as a gallant” or “to go about usually ostentatiously or indiscreetly with members of the opposite sex.” Nowadays, however, gallivant is more likely to describe wandering than romancing.”

Hey now! Never knew you were such a player, “Gallivant!” Or should I call you “O.G.”?

You’re right. I’m stalling. There’s just no easy way to say this.

Management thinks it’s time for you to retire. Things start and things end. Your pension is fully vested. You’ve earned a nice long rest so it’s straight to the Hall of Fame for you with our thanks. You’re a $10 word in five cent times.

First, no one is arguing that “gallivanting” wasn’t one of the great words. Back in the day, the best and brightest were both saying it AND doing it. It’s jaunty as hell. It’s up there with “jaunty.”

Here’s the bad part. We did some market research and found that out of 300 Gen Z consumers surveyed, only one had ever heard of the word “gallivanting.” None had ever used it. Zero. We had higher test scores for words in Coptic and Old Norse.

I don’t have to tell you, English has to stay flexible, or it’ll die, like, Coptic or Old Norse. The Indo-European language tree has plenty of dead wood.

Also, it’s impossible to make an emoji of you. Ever heard anyone say, just use the “gallivanting” emoji? It’s a visual culture. Nowadays, if a descriptive word can’t easily become a clickable dot with eyes, you’re sunk.

Like the word “supercilious,” “gallivanting” is supercilious. There’s just too much word, there. It takes forever to pronounce, forever to translate and it comes out of your mouth wearing a bow tie and waving jazz hands. Like you’re doing right now.

It’s a real shame you got co-opted by the puckered school marms, and anti-fun bluenoses of the world, as in, “So, out gallivanting again, were we?” Makes you want to automatically say, “What if I was, asshole?”

You’re such a positive word, but no one ever uses you that way.

“Come on, Clive, grab your jacket, we’re gallivanting!” or

“Let’s gallivant this bridal shower, hard!”

I know what you’re about to say, I’m a gerund! What about “Finding Nemo,” and “Saving Private Ryan,” and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Driving Miss Daisy?” My friend, no matter how much you want it to be, “Gallavanting Gertie” will never be on that list.

Let it go. Relax. Retired words come back sometimes.

Who knows, maybe someone out there will start a sneaker company or new brand of condoms or something and the cool kids will be saying “gallivanting” again.

Have you considered bored irony? Listen to this. “So, have we been out, gallivanting?” You’d do great in italics.

Do stay in touch and absolutely do come to the holiday party. Can’t have a party without gallivanting! All the best!

But before you leave, we’re going to need your key card. Rules.