The Ego Acts as a Protective Shield but Can be Manipulated

Ego Love over Ego Death

The last month has been… volatile I believe is the best word. I’ll have intense meditations and then be left in darkness. Find my way again and then be totally confused. It’s a cycle I’ve gone through my whole life, but it’s now in condensed form.

Cycles that would take several months now can take several hours. The patterns are continuing but they are now more compressed and subtle. I know this is overall a good sign of progress, so I’m not overly perturbed by it, but I of course always try to wean out the learnings from it.

My ego has had particularly strong moments and this always bothers me. I feel it as a pressure in my third eye and I generally feel agitated mostly because I feel cut-off from source in these moments.

When your ego and super-ego are not in balance, this blocks your third eye chakra and does not allow your energy to flow to the crown of your head and connect with source. Most people confuse ego and super-ego because they are similar but not the same.

The ego is tied to your masculine energy whereas your super-ego is tied to your feminine energy. Most people intertwine these two concepts as “ego”, but it is important to understand the two components if one is to really understand how the ego operates and rise above it.

Ego represents your sense of self in physical reality.

Your role, your purpose, how you define your actions. It lifts you up, protects you and creates confidence. However, it works against you when you start to put yourself on a higher pedestal than others. When your ego is not in balance, you forget that you are equal to everyone, that everyone has their own path and perspective, and that you are laughably ignorant.

Super-ego represents your boundaries and standards.

It is the rulebook by which your ego operates. It manifests creativity into your reality by requiring choice. The term “moral” standards is often used, but I do not like this terminology as it implies that there is a universal moral standard when one does not exist. Everything is relative but in order to function in the world, we need to create a set of rules that we’d like to operate by.

In other words, your super-ego creates the rules and your ego creates the story.

When others speak of “ego death”, what they are actually referring to is the realization that both your rules and your story are an illusion. This does not mean they do not exist; it simply means that you created them, they are arbitrary, and your true self is beyond both.

You created the framework through which you view the world and you created the story around who you are.

This is important to understand so that you do not become attached to how you perceive the world, nor to the story you created about yourself. It was a choice. You chose your parents because you either wanted to see the world through a particular lens or wanted to go through the process of deciding that you wanted to see the world through a different lens (and in turn recognizing the lens itself). Either way, there is no “right” way to see the world.

All perspectives are valid, they simply serve a different purpose.

The super ego becomes unbalanced when we become too self-righteous and believe our lens is the one true lens. When we over judge others and ourselves because they are not adhering to our often overly strict framework.

On the reverse spectrum, our super ego also becomes unbalanced when we’re too empathetic, can see everyone’s perspective and are therefore incapable of choice and action. This is why the super ego cannot function in isolation, the interplay between super ego and ego is very important.

On the other hand, the ego becomes unbalanced when we over-identify with the role that we are playing. We are just actors in a play, the role we play in this earth is not our true identity. Jumping from job to job has really helped me to understand this as my role and function has been wildly different each time even though the job title is the same.

You mold yourself into what is needed to get the job done.

However, we are not static beings and when we overidentify with a particular role that may have served us in the past but is no longer relevant, our ego is working against us. Similarly, when we refuse to choose a path because we’re afraid of making the “wrong choice” we are also hurting ourselves because we cannot evolve our soul.

There needs to be a balance between our choices and the divine plan.

That is the only way we can move beyond the play of ego and super ego. We cannot suppress our right to have choice, preference and perspective. However, we also cannot suppress the divine by being so attached to a given choice, preference and perspective that we cannot allow ourselves to change.

I often find myself in the trap of trying to analyze my own ego. Am I in a state of super ego or ego? Am I suppressing or aggressing? And then, even worse, I try to manipulate my own ego, to mold it into what I want, even though it is my own ego pretending to be in control.

I usually get frustrated, give up and let it be, and then it just dissipates on its own. Otherwise, I end up in this unproductive “fog” where nothing makes sense and you cannot hear guidance clearly. However, on this particular day I was nudged to write my way out of this fog.

I’m now going to go on a bit of a tangent. My attention recently has been directed to articles about Satan, demons and dark spirits. I’m not sure I ever really believed in them to be honest, I don’t have much experience with them. The one experience I had was so gentle and so easy, I’m not 100% sure it even happened. They generally sound like quite horrifying experiences, but I was in such a high vibrational state it was like flicking an insect off my arm.

However, I am very open minded and don’t believe other people are just making these things up. Whenever a large part of the collective of Earth speaks on a particular topic, I always listen because there must be an aspect of truth to it that I simply do not have experience with.

I believe my lack of experience is due to me having strong protection as well as internal unconscious mechanisms that I’m not even aware of. For example, I am innately aware that when I’m in this “fog” I am at risk. I have no idea what I am at risk of, but I feel “closed off” during these states. I don’t make decisions and don’t trust any “messages” when I’m in this state. They are generally confusing, don’t really resonate and don’t make me feel good.

It often feels like “hiding for cover” until the dark storm passes. However, I am not cowering in fear, I am continuing to live my life and live it well. I just feel cut-off from my guides and source because my discretion is on high-alert. This activates my ego and further cuts me off from source.

In writing this, it suddenly occurred to me why — this was by design. What I usually end up doing in this state is berating my ego. I can feel it cutting me off and so I start to hate it. However, I’ve been focusing a lot on love and my heart chakra recently and this didn’t feel right to me anymore. I’ve been practicing self-love so diligently and I wasn’t about to undo all my hard work.

So, I decided to love my ego this time and contemplate more on what is actually happening. However, analyzing is impossible, it simply creates a thicker fog. Except, I now understand why I was nudged to write.

As I write things, I can feel whether it is truth or not. Multiple times, I’ve written a sentence and deleted it and only kept the ones that resonated. This is how I sift through the fog. This is why I’ve been writing all along. Except writing for just myself felt selfish, I needed to feel like it held a higher purpose.

You see, my tendency is to repress myself. This comes from a manipulation of my desire to spread joy. I am very intuitive and tend to give people what they want in order to create joy for them. This is often not at my expense and therefore I am more than happy to provide it to them. However, I have been convinced over the years to reduce my light in order to give others joy. This of course, lowers my defenses and is something I am now consciously fighting against.

Similarly, when I’m in this “fog” state, what is actually happening is that my ego is protecting me. However, I had convinced myself over the years that the ego is working against me, is what caused the fog, and needs to be suppressed. To “deflate” my ego, I move myself solely into my feminine energy, where I am an easier target and cannot defend myself.

There is a reason that women are statistically more sensitive to the world we cannot see. Unfortunately, for this reason, they are also more sensitive to attacks. That being said, there is no aspect of ourselves that should be hated. They all play an important role in our experience and need to be understood and utilized effectively. The goal is to balance all these aspects, but balance will not come from force, suppression or rejection.

Balance will come from love.

I will love my ego from now on because I now understand it is protecting me from real threats. It does not want to hinder me from a higher vibrational state because it loves when I am happy. I will not overly-judge myself either as judgment doesn’t make sense.

Judgment is our super ego protecting us from harm.

I will love my super ego from now on because it is protecting me from perceived threats. I was hurt in the past and it does not want to recreate the scenario that led to that pain. However, the ego and super ego protect us when we are in a position of fear.

That doesn’t mean we should try to suppress our ego or super ego. That is impossible anyway. Take it from me, it does more harm than good. It means we should love our ego and super ego for trying to protect us. And when we’re in a bubble of love, nothing can harm us anyway, and they can rest.

Let’s stop fighting our egos and super egos. They are not in our way, they should not be “killed”. It’s like being angry at the blue sky for blocking our view of the stars. Let’s create enough love so that they can rest for a while.