The Editor Said “Yes ”, But She Meant “No”
It is important to understand implicit expressions for “no”
In the Oriental culture, people rarely say “no”, because this behavior would be seen as impolite. There are many wise ways for refusing other’s requests or expressing disagreement.
I thought this would only happen in the Eastern. It is not suitable for the Western-style. But I was wrong.
Recently, I submitted twice my drafts to a publication, and both of them were rejected. By the third time, the editor reviewed my profile kindly and then told me that one of my published articles by myself met their publication’s need. I could submit this piece. Therefore, and I did it. Well, nothing happened.
Till this moment, I just realized she meant “no” by saying “yes”. She didn’t want to embarrass me too much by pretending to take my piece, but she never wanted to publish it on the platform.
I don’t want to disappoint other people either. I rather want to impress others, even facing a stranger. That’s human nature. Seems that Orientals and Westerners are not much different in this respect.
Wherever people come from, it is hard for them to say “no” directly.
There is plenty of advice for how to say “no”, but here I want to tell you how to recognize that people refuse you by saying “yes” or disagree with you by not saying “no”.
The following reactions might be a sign for “no”:
1. Induce you to say “no”
They point out that your plan is unreasonable which implies that your request is unreasonable either. So, it doesn’t make sense if they help you.
2. Procrastinate deliberately
For example, you asked your friend to go dance, she said, “okay, I would like to go with you, but can we talk about it tomorrow?”
3. Remain silence
You recommended a book to your friend. Later on you asked him.
“Do you like this book?”
No answer, but smile.
4. Make excuses
They promised to do this for you, but at the same time, they told you how difficult it is for them or how busy they are.
5. Avoid answering you directly
You both went to cinema.
“Do you like this action movie?”
“I prefer love stories.”
6. Use vague language
“Nothing to tell.” Or “The reality will teach you.”
If someone reacted to you in the above ways, you would be aware that they were saving your face even if they rejected you.
But if you are not confident to say “no” directly or feel embarrassed to disagree, you could try the above methods.
How to say “no” is a kind of wisdom, not just a simple word, it needs to be used flexibly and intelligently.
On the other hand, understanding the implicit ways for “no” is also important, because no one wants to be annoyed, no one wants to annoy others without reason.
Thank you for reading! In case you are interested in more stories about editors and me.
