The Easy Way to Conquer Your Fears (for Good)
How to go from fear to freedom.
Fear is one of the most talked about topics and yet you can never quite find a real solution.
We all get fearful from time to time (some more than others) and it can be extremely difficult to know what to do when fear does strike.
Fear causes us to live in the future — always worried about what might happen next or what could go wrong.
Fear makes us filled with “what ifs”.
So what should we do with our fear?
To be clear…
My goal is not to get rid of your fear. It is to get you so comfortable with fear that when you do get it, you’ll know what to do and you won’t let it run or ruin your life.
That’s why I want to start by defining what fear really is.
What is fear?
Definition: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.
Belief is the keyword.
I don’t want to get religious, but it is worth mentioning that every religion will tell you not to be afraid. “Be not afraid.”
Even if you ask Yogis they will tell you about fear in great detail. Take a look at this quote by Sadhguru.
“Fear is simply because you are not living with life, you are living in your mind. Your fear is always about what’s going to happen next. That means your fear is always about that which does not exist. If your fear is about the non-existent, your fear is hundred percent imaginary.” — Sadhguru
This quote helps us identify what fear is.
You are afraid of what has not happened yet, you are living in your mind.
You need to live in the present to rid yourself of fear. The more you are in the now, the less fear you will have.
Only 8% of what you are afraid of will happen.
That means that you are playing with 92% odds.
I’m a gambler, and if I was at a casino with those odds… well, I’d be insanely insanely wealthy.
I know all of this won’t make a difference when you are fearful, but it’s always good to remind yourself that your fear will likely not happen, despite what it may feel like at the time.
The more you remind yourself about the truth of fear, the less it will bother you.
So let’s go over what to do when you are afraid.
First, identify your fear.
You have to do this for real, actually identify it.
Why do I say it like that?
A lot of time when we have a fear, we assume it’s one thing when it’s not. You have to identify what the real fear is.
This might be the actual opposite of what some people will recommend… but this will often make you realize it’s not so bad after all.
Let’s start by looking at your fear on the surface level.
Is it failing a test? Failing when trying something new? Is your boyfriend cheating?
Now let’s dive one level deeper to find out what the fear is.
Is it that if you fail the test you won’t be able to get the career you want? The fear in that scenario is being set back behind the timeline you want to be on.
Is it that if you fail when trying something new, you will be embarrassed or feel down? Your fear is a result of you not being confident in your abilities. Your fear is failing.
Is it that your boyfriend cheating will mean you will never be in love again? Your fear may be a result of not being confident in yourself. The fear isn’t being cheated on but being alone, or not being loved again.
Usually, the real fear is a little deeper than what you think it is.
You have to dig to identify the real fear because that will help you rationalize it and break it down logically.
Once you do that, you will be able to help solve the real cause of the fear.
Storytime
A friend of mine for years had a fear that her boyfriend would cheat on her. She had been cheated on in the past and it made her insecure in her relationship.
Anytime she was out she would get worried that her boyfriend was with another girl.
One day it turned out he was cheating on her. Her worst fear came true.
So what happened after that?
She started spending more time on herself and focused the love she was giving him, on herself instead.
She learned new skills, and got in better shape, in short… she felt better than ever.
She ended up getting a promotion and started a side business.
She found a new boyfriend and they’re now engaged and happier than ever.
The moral of the story is your worst fear isn’t always that bad, and it can often even end up leading to better things.
(This doesn’t mean your boyfriend is cheating or you should assume he is. You need to trust him.)
Next, if it were to come true, could you repair it?
Try not to overreact when doing this step. Usually, when going over this we exaggerate what it would take to repair the damages.
Be honest with yourself:
- If it were to come true, could you repair it?
- How long would it take to repair you?
- Would it be long-term or permanent?
Most of our fears don’t take that long to fix if they come true. Like my story pointed out even if they do come true, it doesn’t mean your life is ruined. Your life will often end up in a better place.
Life has a way of working itself out and taking you on the path you’re meant to be on.
Third, if your fear was to happen, could you repair it?
Go through this logically and with a clear mind. It may surprise you and help you remove your fear.
Fourth, what is the chance it will happen?
Try to figure out how likely it is that the fear is going to come true.
Again, try not to overreact. (key theme going on here)
As we went over earlier only 8% of your fears come true on average, but regardless, give it a percentage.
Let’s say you give it a 20% chance of it happening.
If that’s the case, you should not be spending 80% of your time being fearful of it. Work with your percentages here.
Now go over why you think these are the odds of it happening. Again, you might be overreacting and the odds are 15%.
Often we exaggerate the odds which is why we are afraid of it in the first place. Reflecting and breaking your fear down with a clear mind will help the accuracy of what you come up with.
Suggestion: Write all of this down. It’ll help you be more logical seeing it on paper.
“He’s for sure cheating on me! He hasn’t responded for an hour!” and then it turns out he was just eating with his friends. (very common)
Be honest with yourself. What is the chance your fear happens to be accurate or happens to come true?
And finally, how is this fear affecting you?
Analyze where in life this is affecting you and how much. This might gross you out when you realize how much your fear could be paralyzing you, but it’ll make you want to fix it.
- How much is it costing you mentally and emotionally? And is it costing you financially?
- Are you not pursuing your dream because you’re afraid of failing? What happens if you don’t pursue it?
You’ll spend every day wondering, “What would have happened if I had just given it a shot”.
The feeling of regret for not trying is often worse than the feeling of regret for trying. That’s because it is often not that difficult to recover from a failed attempt. (see point 2)
Think about it a bit more.
If you know there’s a 100% chance you will regret not giving something a shot, but a 50% chance you won’t succeed if you try… what does that make you want to do?
Most people spend way too much time being fearful. They spend so much time in fear that they forget to enjoy the beauty happening around them at this moment.
Avoid that at all costs.
Closing remarks
My goal with this is to help you break down your fear logically so that you can live in the present.
To do this, it is best to be in a clear mind and a good state so that you are not exaggerating.
“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind” — Napoleon Hill
When you do encounter fear, going over the steps I listed above, you will be able to overcome it easier than ever.
You will be able to analyze your fear logically and hopefully, help you realize, you don’t have as much to be afraid of as you once thought.
Thanks for reading,
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