The Early Days Of An Autism Diagnosis

There are a lot of challenges with being a parent of a child on the autism spectrum. In my personal experience, I cannot say it is all about achievements and rainbows after enduring a challenging storm. It is enormously hard work. I feel most who care for someone with special needs will also attest to this. While each story has similarities, like all autistic kids, each narrative is unique.

My story started in 2011 when my oldest son Matthew showed signs of falling behind and not hitting key milestones. He was tested and diagnosed with Autism.

Six months later, his younger brother Aidan was also not hitting certain milestones for his age group. He was tested and also was diagnosed with Autism.

Initially, I disagreed with the diagnosis. I went into a denial phase, and I didn’t want to accept what was staring right in front of me; however, there was a part of me that felt I needed to get a 2nd opinion.

I took Matthew and Aidan to two different places to get tested; however, the results were the same; my boys were diagnosed with autism.

I kept it a secret from just about everyone I knew. I didn’t want to disclose it to anyone. My attitude was if I was not ready to come to terms with this, why should I even bother telling anyone?

After about a year after Matthew’s and Aidan’s autism diagnosis, I started to tell others within my family, inner circle, and eventually all of my friends.

In those early days, not everyone understood. I had people say that being a parent to a child with special needs is not that different from being a parent to a child without challenges. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything, it isn’t very respectful.

At the time, my attitude was it was my children and me against the world. It was everyone else’s fault for not understanding. The problem was I got overly consumed with this persona. I became hostile toward those who had an easier life than I did. A wave of anger took over me upon those who did not understand my situation.

Another issue I had early on was I would see other kids playing outside or involved in activities, whether it be clubs or sports. They interacted with one another, engaging in their actions and enjoying their childhood. My children at the time were nonverbal and didn’t interact with anyone. They did not engage in activities and were lost in their world.

As a result, I ended up isolating myself from everyone. I felt helpless and wallowed in sorrow. I was too concerned about my ego when my primary focus should have been finding solutions to help my children. After a year had passed, I came to terms with it and knew being an advocate for Matthew and Aidan was what would define me.

Over time, I started establishing a solid support system to surround myself with. I also began to blog about being a father of two autistic boys. This type of self-care helped me in becoming a better parent.

While I do not have all the answers, as with being a parent of those with special needs, I must say it is a journey, and while each adventure might have some similarities, the reality is that each one is different. Find the one that suits your dynamic the best.