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Abstract

elli</p><p id="25d9">In this introductory lecture, Trump explains why he insists on hiring only the very best people to work for him. He digs deep into his thorough hiring process and reveals — for the first time — that his remarkable ability to “read” people is his secret weapon.</p><p id="b034">Mentioned in the lecture are Steve Bannon, Paul Manafort, Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, Rick Gates, Michael Cohen, Roger Stone, Stephen Miller, Rudy Giuliani, Jeff Sessions, Matthew Whitaker, Bill Barr, Mike Pence, John Bolton, Kellyanne Conway, Mike Pompeo, Steven Mnuchin, Betsy DeVos, Alexander Acosta, Ryan Zinke, Scott Pruitt, Tom Price, Louis DeJoy, Peter Navarro, Elaine Chao, Rick Perry, Chad Wolf, Ken Cuccinelli, Kayleigh McEnany, Lawrence Kudlow, Pat Cipollone, Anthony Scaramucci, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Sean Hannity, Eric Trump, Don Trump Jr., and approximately 1,000 others.</p><p id="9bf1"><i>(Publisher’s note: This lecture was edited from six hours to one hour, to fit content requirements and limitations).</i></p><h2 id="9cf9">Lecture #2</h2><p id="afde" type="7">“The vulgar crowd always is taken by appearances, and the world consists chiefly of the vulgar.” — Niccolo Machiavelli</p><p id="a895">Recognizing from an early age how an ostentatious display of wealth makes women “just let him do things”, and men “just want to be him”, Trump committed himself to daily fantastic displays of wealth to a degree never seen before in the history of the world.</p><p id="70a2">The lecture begins with Trump explaining his remarkable intuition for the cravings and jealousies of his rabid fans.</p><p id="5af8">And then, in an unexpected but delightful twist, he does a live demonstration of how he applies copious amounts of cosmetic bronzer to his face each morning after his hair is blown-out, all while watching Fox & Friends. You’ll never see this anywhere else!</p><p id="14d6">The lecture closes with a moving and emotional PowerPoint presentation showing images of Trump’s incredible wealth, including the gold toilet in his penthouse, and the grand portraits of himself on display in his country clubs (paintings purchased through his charities. Genius!).</p><h2 id="fb6c">Lecture #3</h2><p id="bba9" type="7">“Never do an enemy a small injury.” — Niccolo Machiavelli</p><p id="6350">In a powerful and poignant demonstration, Trump provides an object lesson in leadership by pointing at each member of the audience and giving them a hurtful nickname. He follows up by live-tweeting the nicknames, and then, in a stunning display of 4th-dimensional leadership, pivots to retweeting hilari

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ous racist tropes.</p><p id="3ea8">Trump sums up the exercise by claiming he coined the phrase “prime the pump.” The audience, having learned a valuable lesson at the beginning of the lecture, agrees and applauds.</p><figure id="d07b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*ymHVkzAWniqAqm9j"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@theunsteady5?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Edwin Andrade</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="933a">Lecture #4</h2><p id="dbf2" type="7">“Men are so simple, and governed so absolutely by their present needs, that he who wishes to deceive will never fail in finding willing dupes.” — Niccolo Machiavelli</p><p id="d7fd">Bored with the length and complexity of the above quote (though completely agreeing with its wisdom), Trump launches into masterful and withering attacks, first on Hilary Clinton and then on Bob Marley and the Whalers. The audience is stunned by the breadth and scope of the attacks and, after 60 minutes of rapt attention, can do nothing but sit in admiring silence when Trump departs the stage.</p><p id="7473"><i>(Publisher’s note: A Trump spokesperson explained that the former president meant Bob Mueller, and insisted on editing the segment only to include the attack on Hilary Clinton. That will explain the 25 missing minutes.)</i></p><h2 id="7791">Lecture #5</h2><p id="a320" type="7">“I hold strongly to this: that it is better to be impetuous than circumspect; because fortune is a woman and if she is to be submissive it is necessary to beat and coerce her.” — Niccolo Machiavelli</p><p id="aa9b">In a leadership tour-de-force, Mr. Trump handles this intricate and potentially explosive quote with a single word:</p><p id="6815">“Duh.”</p><p id="7f72"><i>[Publisher’s note: Sigh.]</i></p><h2 id="46a9">Lecture #6</h2><p id="7cb9" type="7">“For, in truth, there is no sure way of holding other than by destroying.” — Niccolo Machiavelli</p><p id="4124"><i>[Publisher’s note: Unfortunately, this concluding lecture has been indefinitely delayed because of a financial dispute with the union of workers producing the series and the Trump Organization. The union claims that the Trump Organization has not paid a dime on the production contract; the Trump Organization counters that the work has been so shoddy that <b>they</b> should be receiving compensation for damages. The Department of Justice in the Southern District of New York has added the union’s criminal complaint to the pile.]</i></p></article></body>

Humor

The Donald Trump-splains Machiavelli!

Coming in early February 2021: Trump Leadership University

Fresh off his rigged election loss, Donald J. Trump is proud to kick off his new trillion-dollar venture — Trump Leadership University — with a series of lectures on the writings of political philosophist Niccolo Machiavelli.

Many people are already saying these are the most exceptional lectures ever produced.

Famous for his 1513 advice column The Prince, Machiavelli espoused principles of leadership marked by cunning, deceit, and fear. Who better than the former president to reinterpret Machiavelli for our modern, yet trying times?

America’s greatest president brings 74 years of unparalleled business and political acumen to the lecture hall, offering insight, illumination, and even a bit of his famous “Trumpian” sense of humor, to the delight of his sycophantic audience (composed mostly of those former cabinet members and advisors not yet indicted or in federal prison).

Mr. Trump speaks extemporaneously — no teleprompter here! — and his signature brash style is on full display.

President Trump recorded the series in the famous “boardroom” studio in Trump Tower, a sound stage for The Apprentice and future site of the Trump Presidential Library & Spa by Ivanka.

This first Trump Leadership University lecture series is entitled, The Prick, and contains six, one-hour lectures, each a thoughtful reaction to a quote from Machiavelli’s The Prince.

Let’s take a look at each outstanding lecture.

Photo by 🇨🇭 Claudio Schwarz | @purzlbaum on Unsplash

Lecture #1

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

In this introductory lecture, Trump explains why he insists on hiring only the very best people to work for him. He digs deep into his thorough hiring process and reveals — for the first time — that his remarkable ability to “read” people is his secret weapon.

Mentioned in the lecture are Steve Bannon, Paul Manafort, Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, Rick Gates, Michael Cohen, Roger Stone, Stephen Miller, Rudy Giuliani, Jeff Sessions, Matthew Whitaker, Bill Barr, Mike Pence, John Bolton, Kellyanne Conway, Mike Pompeo, Steven Mnuchin, Betsy DeVos, Alexander Acosta, Ryan Zinke, Scott Pruitt, Tom Price, Louis DeJoy, Peter Navarro, Elaine Chao, Rick Perry, Chad Wolf, Ken Cuccinelli, Kayleigh McEnany, Lawrence Kudlow, Pat Cipollone, Anthony Scaramucci, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Sean Hannity, Eric Trump, Don Trump Jr., and approximately 1,000 others.

(Publisher’s note: This lecture was edited from six hours to one hour, to fit content requirements and limitations).

Lecture #2

“The vulgar crowd always is taken by appearances, and the world consists chiefly of the vulgar.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

Recognizing from an early age how an ostentatious display of wealth makes women “just let him do things”, and men “just want to be him”, Trump committed himself to daily fantastic displays of wealth to a degree never seen before in the history of the world.

The lecture begins with Trump explaining his remarkable intuition for the cravings and jealousies of his rabid fans.

And then, in an unexpected but delightful twist, he does a live demonstration of how he applies copious amounts of cosmetic bronzer to his face each morning after his hair is blown-out, all while watching Fox & Friends. You’ll never see this anywhere else!

The lecture closes with a moving and emotional PowerPoint presentation showing images of Trump’s incredible wealth, including the gold toilet in his penthouse, and the grand portraits of himself on display in his country clubs (paintings purchased through his charities. Genius!).

Lecture #3

“Never do an enemy a small injury.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

In a powerful and poignant demonstration, Trump provides an object lesson in leadership by pointing at each member of the audience and giving them a hurtful nickname. He follows up by live-tweeting the nicknames, and then, in a stunning display of 4th-dimensional leadership, pivots to retweeting hilarious racist tropes.

Trump sums up the exercise by claiming he coined the phrase “prime the pump.” The audience, having learned a valuable lesson at the beginning of the lecture, agrees and applauds.

Lecture #4

“Men are so simple, and governed so absolutely by their present needs, that he who wishes to deceive will never fail in finding willing dupes.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

Bored with the length and complexity of the above quote (though completely agreeing with its wisdom), Trump launches into masterful and withering attacks, first on Hilary Clinton and then on Bob Marley and the Whalers. The audience is stunned by the breadth and scope of the attacks and, after 60 minutes of rapt attention, can do nothing but sit in admiring silence when Trump departs the stage.

(Publisher’s note: A Trump spokesperson explained that the former president meant Bob Mueller, and insisted on editing the segment only to include the attack on Hilary Clinton. That will explain the 25 missing minutes.)

Lecture #5

“I hold strongly to this: that it is better to be impetuous than circumspect; because fortune is a woman and if she is to be submissive it is necessary to beat and coerce her.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

In a leadership tour-de-force, Mr. Trump handles this intricate and potentially explosive quote with a single word:

“Duh.”

[Publisher’s note: Sigh.]

Lecture #6

“For, in truth, there is no sure way of holding other than by destroying.” — Niccolo Machiavelli

[Publisher’s note: Unfortunately, this concluding lecture has been indefinitely delayed because of a financial dispute with the union of workers producing the series and the Trump Organization. The union claims that the Trump Organization has not paid a dime on the production contract; the Trump Organization counters that the work has been so shoddy that they should be receiving compensation for damages. The Department of Justice in the Southern District of New York has added the union’s criminal complaint to the pile.]