Life Lessons

The Doctrine of “You Never Know…”

It’s better than bribery or punishment

A good friend told me about how he’s going to be a father again and how excited he is for the new baby.

He was shaking his head and musing about how he loves his kids so much that he can’t punish or reprimand them — that he can’t understand those parents who are constantly having to discipline their children.

The first thing I noticed about my friend Tom (name changed) is that he doesn’t need to discipline his kids the way he was referring to other parents. Why? He sees the good in his kids — and the kids live up to that vision their father has of them.

My mentor, Christy Whitman, teaches her students to “trust in the Divine of your kids” instead of trying to control. By focusing on love, the natural good shows up — not what’s unwanted.

Usually.

Now, no one is perfect. And kids will do things that push the boundaries. They’re kids.

One method that I’ve always deployed for guiding my children is something I coined “the Doctrine of You Never Know.”

The Doctrine of You Never Know assumes the idea that kids (or anyone for that matter) never know when their parent (or whoever is in authority) might be planning to stop at the ice cream store, or the park, or planning to do something that will surprise and delight.

This also assumes that you “surprise and delight” your kids on some sort of regular basis— but seemingly at the spur of the moment. No bribery.

If the child misbehaves, the child is then told — “well, we were going to go to the park and go on the rides, but because you did X, we are just going to go home today.”

I’ll give an example from my own life. I was pregnant with my second child and running errands with my 4-year-old daughter Becky. We were at the bank. Becky decided to run from me and play with this poster-sized display placard the bank had near the counter — knocking it down and creating a slight disturbance. I was upset that Becky had not listened to me — to stay with me and not touch the bank’s property.

Basically, as a parent, I was a little embarrassed that my child was a little out of control.

When we got back into the car, I told Becky — “we were going to get some ice cream, but because you knocked over that poster — we are going home instead. Your behavior cost you the trip to Carvel (the ice cream shop).”

Becky never did that again. She even told her little sister to behave a few years later — explaining the “doctrine”… because “Mommy might be wanting to take us somewhere fun and she will change her mind if we do something we are not allowed to do.”

For the Doctrine of You Never Know to be practical, fun trips to fun places, little surprises — the library, the park — whatever your child loves are things to add to your day when it feels right. And as often as you can.

Let fun be the rule of the day.

Then naturally, your child will think twice before doing something that might cause them not to receive the good or a surprise awaiting them.

Keep your kids on their toes — and keep life exciting and joyful. And positive.

Jennifer Friebely is a New York-based writer, editor, coach, and speaker covering stories from personal development, bully bosses, the Law of Attraction, marketing, and productivity to politics and music to whatever idea strikes. She has a 30+ year background in marketing and advertising and holds a BA in Political Science. Email her at [email protected] or visit www.successpicture.com.