The Greatest Prompt Ever

The Doctor Funny 12-Word Challenge — April Edition

World’s Greatest Prostitute Accepts Doritos™

Grand Rapids, MI— In a shocking revelation, the world’s greatest living prostitute has elected to stop accepting cash, and now accept Doritos™ brand snacks as payment for services rendered. The change has caused ripple effects throughout the greater Grand Rapids area.

Instead of cold, hard cash, you can now get a steaming hot blow job for a cool 9.75oz bag of Cool Ranch™ Doritos™. For fear of gender discrimination, she also offers women discounts for muff-diving and bean-flicking. Of course, the price adjusts along with the service, so be sure to ask for a cost sheet before engaging in any carnal activities.

We interviewed the enterprising woman. Asking to remain anonymous, she told us, “Hell yeah I accept Doritos™ as payment for tricks. What I don’t eat my kids will. They, healthy as shit. Corn and cheese dust and shit, right? Nutrition.”

The currency change is currently having an economic impact on local prostitution in the greater Grand Rapids area. With money no longer being required to receive sexual favors, suburban husbands are trading their marital allowances in for snacks.

One local husband told us, “You’re god damned right I’ll give up some Doritos™ for some action. Ain’t gettin’ any at home from the missus. All I hear from her is ‘You never take out the garbage on time,’ and ‘clean your bathroom’ before she goes off to bed to watch TikTok or whatever. Now I can swing by the Circle K and grab some snacks and a handy whenever I need to.”

Asked about the increased demand for her services, the young entrepreneur replied, “It’s been an issue a few times here at the Circle K because the Frito Lays™ trucks only come twice a week. A few times I’ve had to settle for the Great Value™ brand from Walmart, but those guys aren’t getting my best work. Call me a brand slut, I don’t care.”

Other sex workers in the area weren’t pleased with the changes.

“Fuck no I ain’t makin’ no money. All my johns are off getting snacks while I’m standing around smoking crack. And crack is expensive. Can’t buy no crack with some fuckin’ nacho chips.”

Church groups in the area were also quick to condemn the activity. “This is obviously Satan’s work,” Nancy Andrews from Calvary Church told us. “Everybody in the suburban Grand Rapids community knows she’ll end up pregnant and in hell. Hopefully at the same time.”

When asked if she was worried about repercussions from the churches or other local prostitutes, she responded, “That shit ain’t my problem, bitch. Suck dick for coke or take Jesus in the ass for all I care. I’m eating Flamin’ Hot tonight, Bitches!”

Only time will tell if the global economy will shift away from the mighty dollar in favor of corn chips with nacho cheese flavoring, but we can hope.

Here is your challenge, should you choose to accept it. (I hope you do — last month’s challenge was a huge success.) Remember to tag your article with Inside Edition.

I have a mountain of words I select from a bag. Today I picked 12 random words. (Okay, assholes, some of the “words” are phrases. Quit nit-picking.) Take the following words and use them to make an amusing or disturbing story headline, then write a short story about it. Exercise your sick, twisted, decrepit mind and see what you can do.

*Please tag me so I can read your story.

Here are this month’s 12 words:

• Everybody
• Doritos
• For
• Prostitute
• Suburban
• Of
• Satan
• Obviously
• Accepts
• Pregnant
• World’s Greatest
• Partner