The Dichotomy of Being a Woman

If one were to describe what being a woman is like, one cannot go about without quoting the famous Simone de Beauvoir’s quote from the book that defined feminism for decades to come, “One isn’t born, but rather becomes a woman.” Over the years, feminism has been tangled as being a rather arresting feature of the over-all identity of being a woman. There are two sides to that argument, one berates you for being one while the other berates you for not. However, if one were to remove the question of whether a woman attributes herself of being under the label of “feminist” other and more serious generalization of being a woman can be seen.

Often times, women are asked the question “What is it like, being a woman?” and often times women find it difficult to answer the question. Is there a single answer that can completely encompass the experiences of women worldwide, experiences that are further divided based on class, race, sexuality and ethnicity? Perhaps not. There is no umbrella term that is appropriate enough to summarize the understandings of being a woman. Still, throughout history, efforts have been made to correctly analyze the concept. This effort does come with its fair share of generalization and thus, with criticism, but it can be considered somewhat fitting nonetheless.

Innate femininity has always been associated with humility, innocence and sensitivity. These qualities intend to create what it sometimes calls the “perfect woman.” But what these images have actually created are two extremes so deeply entangled in proving each other wrong that the very concept has disintegrated into nothingness. A woman today doesn’t know what she should adhere to. Mostly because it is impossible to live outside a label now. One cannot exist unless they tick some sort of box. If a woman is feminine, then she is indulging in duplicity by furthering the patriarchal agenda. If she doesn’t act feminine, she’s trying too hard to fit in with “the boys.” When you cater to it, you accept it. But even though you defy it, there is no escaping it, because when you rebuff it, you acknowledge its existence and even that is called out. It is difficult to be a woman, when being a woman is so many different things.

The female body, both for its inhabitant and the outsider, has always been a sort of fantasy. This fantasy differs for both parties. One of the concepts that explain these fantasies is the Male Gaze. The term Male Gaze was coined by Laura Melvey in order to explain heteronormative objectification of women that is found in cinema, television and sometimes even in literature. Female characters have had a history of being overtly sexualized, in a way that is almost always irrelevant to the character’s personality, and the plot. Be it Scarlett Johansson’s revealing outfits in the earlier Avengers movies, or stereotypical dance sequences in Bollywood movies, the female body is almost always used as a prop rather than a character.

While the objectification of women from the patriarchal point of view has been heavily talked about, we often forget to bring into discussion the female fantasy surrounding women. It is just as hard, if not more, to live up to the standards set by women. The female gaze wants you to be gentle, almost angelic, but powerful. It erases any human flaws that women make, almost daily, and creates a dream woman so unattainable that even Gatsby would find the green light before women find this ideal.

Cultural relatives have also put women in a difficult place to be. What is empowering, and what is not has been debated so many times, that people sometimes forget that it is a woman’s independent autonomy that is empowerment, more than anything else. It is the freedom to make a choice, to wear a hijab, or shorts, to do a job, or to stay at home, to get pregnant, or to not, to keep the fetus or to abort. There are millions of opinions on the lives of women, from their lifestyle choices to their own body, nothing is ever free of judgement. There are so many things that gets tangled with gender identities that people sometimes forget that being a woman is way more than that, than just being a woman.

So, when one gets asked, what is it? Being a woman. We can only shrug and move forward, for we still don’t know the answer ourselves.