The Definition of Mansplaining
Because Some People Are Confused
I’ve been told that suggesting someone is mansplaining is sexist. I’ve been called a bitch for pointing it out, even though I gave a clear example of how the literal dictionary definition of mansplaining was taking place. I’ve been accused of “femsplaining” in return for pointing out mansplaining. I don’t think any of these guys knew what the word actually meant.
gerund or present participle: mansplaining
- (of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.
These guys all felt like it was simply a weapon that women use unfairly against men. Meanwhile, women are simply pointing out a maddening dynamic that we’ve been dealing with for forever and are no longer tolerating. Some women got so sick of it that they gave it a name and started calling attention to it. It’s not meant as an attack — it’s simply meant to show you what you are doing so that hopefully, you will cut it out! Calling out poor behavior is not in and of itself poor behavior.
When Nasa astronaut and comparative physiologist Jessica Meir tweeted about entering the “space equivalent zone, where water spontaneously boils” last week, one man, whose Twitter bio said he had once been to space camp, responded as follows: “Wouldn’t say it’s spontaneous. The pressure in the room got below the vapor pressure of the water at room temp. Simple thermo.”
That is mansplaining. It’s the unnecessary explaining, nearly always to a woman, about things that are either obvious or that she has greater expertise in than him. Explaining to an astronaut in space about her field of expertise because you went to space camp and think you know better is a classic example. But sometimes it’s about explaining to a woman her own thoughts or experiences. Those are truly the worst!
Mansplaining is about talking to someone in a patronizing and condescending way because you are treating them as someone who is intellectually inferior. It’s been suggested to me that when it’s done to women this might be a type of mating reflex to indicate prowess, but I have to tell you that almost no women are turned on by some guy pretending he knows more than she does about her own feelings, experiences, thoughts, or areas of knowledge or expertise.
We live in a dominance hierarchy and jousting for position is second nature to a lot of guys, but don’t do it! It’s not sexy. In fact, not much is more guaranteed to make a woman laugh at you behind your back or maybe even to your face than explaining to her all about what she’s been talking about.
Men like to say that women don’t know what it’s like to be them, and therefore should refrain from commenting on maleness in our society or anything that has to do with a primarily masculine perspective. They cite as a defense that they have often been told not to chime in about female experience. But this isn’t because the experiences of other people are inherently unknowable; it’s simply that if you haven’t ever bothered to educate yourself around someone else’s experience or to walk a mile in their shoes, overlaying how you imagine it is to be them is useless and frequently insulting. This goes for everything from race, to gender, to disability, to sexual orientation, to socio-economic group, etc., etc.
So, it’s not inherently wrong for a guy to talk about female experience on a societal level if he has undertaken some study of that and isn’t simply overlaying how he imagines that it might be from the comfort of his preconceived notions. But it’s never OK for anyone to explain someone else’s personal experiences or thoughts to them, any more than it is OK to explain a book you’ve never read to the person who wrote it, which is where this term originated.
“Mansplain” may be a mash-up of “man” and “explain” (and if you think it’s a silly-sounding word, that’s totally fair), but “mansplaining” is not simply an issue of men explaining things. Most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with men explaining things! If someone, regardless of gender, doesn’t know or understand something, and a man does, then by all means, he should explain it! Men can absolutely, without offense, explain things to women and to other men. And women can explain things to men, and to other women, and anyone can explain anything to anyone else. Information is awesome! Explanations are great!
But here’s what makes “mansplaining” different: When a man “mansplains” something to a woman, he interrupts or speaks over her to explain something that she already knows — indeed, something in which she may already be an expert — on the assumption that he must know more than she does. In many cases, the explanation has to do specifically with things that are unique to women — their bodies, their experiences, their lives. When men interrupt or presume to correct a woman who is speaking of her own experience or expertise, they are implying that she is ignorant, that she is incapable of having authoritative knowledge. They are saying, essentially, “Shh. I know best.”
So the next time someone uses that term, perhaps take a moment to analyze your speaking through the lens of someone else. Are you contributing to the conversation or are you simply trying to flex domination muscles? If it’s the latter, please just stop!
© Copyright Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.