The Deep Sea — (wtf is down there…)
Ok. I was going to post a poem today but I was skimming through some random ass shit last night and I got sucked into a deep sea creature rabbit hole… or should I say black hole — hum that’s more of a space reference — a… blow hole? That seems inappropriate — an unknown hole? That’s probably the most accurate…
This is me — “Did you know that we have only explored 20% of the ocean? We have seen other galaxies, we have shot people into space in a tin can but have no clue about 80% of what’s living right beneath us…”
This is you — “That’s because the astronauts only have to deal with an intense pressure for a few seconds and the increasingly consistent pressure found in the deep sea is unbearable… being on the ocean floor creates the same amount of pressure as 6 mak-trucks.”
Me -
You -
Me — “Oh I didn’t realize you were a fucking scientist.”
You — “Language!!”
Me — “Oh you don’t say ‘fuck’ at NASA?”
You -
Me — “Anyway — I don’t think that’s the real reason we’re in no rush to explore down there.”
You — “Oh really? Why then — I can’t wait to hear this.”
Me — “It’s fear.”
You — “Huh? Fear of being crushed to death inside a small glass deep-submergent vehicle?”
Me — “Deep-submergent vehicle? Did you just make that shit up?”
You — “Um no, that’s what it’s called. Read a book.”
Me — “Wow ok.”
You — “Well is that why?”
Me — “Hell no. It’s all the evil alien monsters that live down there.”
You — (laughing at me) “They’re not monsters, they’re sea creatures.”
Me — “Oh ok marine biologist.”
You — I’m not a — — oh — I see what you did there.”
Me — “Have you seen some of those things??”
You — “They’re just fish!!”
Me — “FALSE. SEA MONSTERS. Look at this — “
You — “Yeah the Angler Fish is a bit frightening.”
Me — “Of course you know what that is.”
You — “Doesn’t everyone?”
Me — “Um no. Fine. What about this one?”
You — “Yes a Blob Fish. They don’t look like that when they’re deep under the water — the rapid decrease in pressure makes them look like this when hunters catch them and bring them to the surface for no good reason… their flesh literallydisintegrates.”
Me — “Yeah I read that you can’t eat them because they have little to no muscle and it would be like eating mushy fish jello.”
You — “That’s correct. It’s very sad — and they’re sad, you can see it all over their faces.”
Me — “Well that just took dark turn… Let’s move on — I bet you haven’t seen this one”
You — “What in the hell is that!?”
Me — (smirking) “Oh you don’t know?”
You -
Me — “It’s a Grouper Eel. It glows pink and flashes red to attract its prey.”
You — “I mean it’s not so bad…”
Me — “WHAT? Did you see those teeth things?? And they grow up to 6 feet long — SIX FEET!”
You — “Ok — yeah that’s a bit much.”
Me — “Oh wait there’s more…”
You — (wincing)
Me — “I know. It’s a Dragon fish — it has translucent teeth so it’s prey can’t see it coming.”
You — “Nope, nope, nope.”
Me — “And that’s only a few of them — who the hell knows what else is down there!! So. Many. Monsters.”
You — “Ok fine — maybe the deep sea is a bit scary.”
Me — “Wait — one last one — “
You — “STOP! That is not real!!”
Me — “Well it WAS real before it went extinct 485 million years ago (or so they say) — It’s a Radiodont Anomalocaris.”
You — “Ok I’m good on all of this. You’re fueling my nightmares.”
Me — “TOLD YOU!!”
You — (eye-roll) “Ok I have to run — catch up with you later.”
Me — “Just make sure you don’t swim!”
You -
Me — “Ok that was bad…”
So nice chatting with you! You were a little snarky today eh? LOL. But for real — WHAT THE SHIT IS LIVING DOWN THERE — I bet there’s some prehistoric demons just floating around at the bottom of the sea — waiting for their time to take over the world. TERRIFYING. They would give my closet monsters a run for their money!!
Thanks for reading — Hopefully I just saved some lives — DON’T EXPLORE THE OCEAN!! Do you think these creatures are scary? Cute? Would you go deep sea diving?? Wade on over (WADE DON’T SWIM) to the comment section and let me know!!
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