The Decade of Failures: Why Your 20s Should Be Spent Making Mistakes
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.
Some days it feels like I’m living life wrong. Like my career and relationship are ruined beyond saving. I don’t have a stable job. I’m not entirely sure what type of career should I pursue. I’m unmarried. I haven’t achieved all the other “life milestones” that society tells me to get as soon as I can.
But then I remember I’m only 24.
Why am I living at such a frantic pace? Does my life end at 30?
Maybe, but statistically speaking, the probability isn’t that high. The average human lifespan today is around 72 years, so it’s likely I still have half a century on this earth. Why do I feel the need to “make it” at such a young age?
The nuances may vary depending on your culture and the kind of people you surround yourself with, but if you’re in your 20s right now, I imagine you’re feeling the same pressure and challenges as I am.
All your life, your parents and teachers told you to not be lazy — to hustle, work your ass off, be productive — and they got their wish.
Now, you’re anything but lazy. All you have in your mind is success and how you can achieve it. Maybe you have achieved it, and that’s good, but if you haven’t, you’re probably beating yourself up right now.
No one’s forcing you to do anything, it’s just you being hard on yourself because you’ve been conditioned to put success above all else — even at the cost of your well-being. Even when it takes peace away from your life.
If that’s you, then I understand how you feel. And I’m here to tell you that, maybe, success should be the last thing on your mind right now.
I found the opposite to work way better:
In your 20s, it’s not success you should pursue, but failure.
The decade of failures
“Wait, what?” — that might be your first reaction. You might think I’m out of my mind to tell you to pursue failure, and maybe you’re right.
After all, I have carefully chosen the wording: I’m not telling you to “fail.” I’m telling you to consciously, intentionally “pursue failure.”
In fact, make your entire 20s a decade of failure.
Why? Simple: When you’re this young, you’ve got nothing to gain from pursuing success, and you’ve got everything to gain from pursuing failure.
Let me explain.
Failures are the building block of success. This part, I’m sure you’re familiar with. Experience is the best teacher, and mistakes are the best way to learn. If you want to be competent at something, the most surefire way to accomplish it is through trial and error. Give the thing a shot, fail, reiterate, fail again, reiterate, repeat until you succeed, then move to the next thing.
By pursuing failure, you are allowing yourself to be explorative and experimental. When failure itself is the goal, any result you get — any lucky break or disaster that happened — is a win. You won because you’ve learned something new and become a better person each time you fail.
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.
Or, in the words of Janet Fitch:
“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”
That, alone, should be a compelling enough argument to illustrate why you should strive to fail. But let’s explore further.
You’ll thank yourself for making so many mistakes
This world of ours is full of paradoxical truths. This is one of them: Failure equals success. Falling down raises you up. Making mistakes makes you less prone to repeat them, and improves you as a person.
Ellen DeGeneres said it best:
“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.”
Here’s an example: If you scroll down my Medium page (or anyone’s, for that matter), you’ll see that the lower you go, the worse the writing gets.
I’ve written more than 100 articles at this point. My first article was, frankly, a piece of shit. But it’s impossible for my 100th article to still be as shitty, don’t you think? I’ve already made 100+ mistakes, after all, and what kind of idiot can repeat the same mistake 100 times?
No, that’s more than enough for anyone to learn from. And there’s really no other way. I mean, what am I going to do otherwise? Read 100 how-to-write tutorials and pray that improves my skills?
Making all those mistakes was the only reason I am who I am today, and I’ll continue making mistakes to become who I could be in the future. Imagine how good my writing will be after the 1000th article. That’s 1000 mistakes. A 1000 lessons learned. The numbers won’t lie.
And writing is just one example. You can substitute it with whatever creative endeavor or field of study you like, and the lesson will still apply.
Life is too short to take the safe route. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather look back and think, “Whoa, that was a crazy ride!” compared to “Whew, glad I played it safe.”
The former thought is way more interesting. Try everything out, fail miserably, try again. If you don’t get a new skill, at the very least, you’ll get a story to tell. With this mindset, there’s really no way you can lose.
That sums up point no. 1: Pursue failure.
Now let’s explore point no. 2: Don’t pursue success.
Are you already successful?
Using your own definition of “success,” would you say you’re already successful right now?
If not, that’s okay, we’re getting there. If yes, ask again: “Are you, really?”
Here’s the thing: Even if you think you’re successful right now, people change. Quickly and frequently, at that. Just wait one or two years. Your definition of success will probably change by then, and you’ll have a new dream you want to pursue. Your previous finish line is now a starting point.
Too speculative? Fair enough. Let’s look backward, then. The future’s yet to come, but the past has already been. And by analyzing the past, we can extrapolate the future.
When I was a kid, I have a lot of answers to “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” — a musician, a president, a scientist, an astronaut.
The most enduring one was an architect. This particular dream stayed with me for the majority of my high school days, and I was dead set on choosing architecture as my major in university.
But then I found out about urbanism and turns out I love it more than architecture. Long story short, now I have a Bachelor’s degree in Urban Planning.
But wait, do I work as an urban planner now? Nope. I became a writer instead while studying for a Master’s in Cultural and Creative Industries.
Am I successful now? I wouldn’t say so. But am I happy? Absolutely.
Humans are multifaceted beings. We are natural polymaths. We are innately attracted to a lot of different things. The child in us understands that — if we will listen to them. And this example only scratches the surface. Here, “success” is defined as “doing work that you love.”
For you, success might mean financial independence or having a harmonious family. But when you’re finally financially independent or happily married to your dream partner and blessed with two beautiful kids, what will you do then? Surely your eyes will be set on the next prize.
As said by C.S. Lewis:
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
Don’t tie your fate to one thing too quickly. There’s no sense in rushing for success because your dreams are ever-changing.
“Live in the present,” “Live life one day at a time,” “Life is about the journey, not the destination” — these maxims are cliché as hell and you might be sick of hearing them by now, but they are worth listening to.
How do you want to spend your 20s?
The Stoic phrase Memento Mori — “Remember you must die” — is an effective reminder to put your mind in the right place, but if you twist its meaning, that phrase can actually take the life out of your life.
Yes, we’ll all die someday. The lesson in that realization is this: We must live every minute of it. Not obsess about how it should be.
Have you watched Disney’s Soul? If yes, then you’ll know exactly what I mean. If not, then I recommend it to you. That movie might be meant for children, but the theme is so philosophical it hit me right where it hurts.
As someone who ponders a lot about the meaning of life, I often forget to actually live. I want my existence to have a purpose. I want my work to matter. Like you and everyone else, I want to be successful. But pursuing success is drawing me away from it. I forgot to actually enjoy what I’m working on.
Now, my eyes are set on the right prize. I understand what I should do.
There’s a quote from Winston Churchill that perfectly sums up this article:
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
When I look back, I’m glad of all the failures I have experienced. I want to continue failing while I can afford it. I want to continue making mistakes, and there’s no better decade for it than my 20s.
How do you want to spend your 20s?
The Mini Post-Grad Survival Guide
A 5-day email course with tips on budgeting, investing, and productivity for 20-somethings. Sign up for free.