The Deathless Guilt Of Aging: Where Does It Arise?
And How To Kill It?
You are dying a slow death. So are your mum, dad, best friend and the dog. Death is approaching you at a fixed pace (in most cases) and will reach some faster than others because of the distance it has to travel depending on your age. The most certain thing about life is death. She will come for all. No exceptions.
Yet, many of the aged feel guilty to be alive. Why?
There is a lot of bullshit we pick up from society, especially in the early years. These include opinions, expectations, unproven theories, life-saving traffic rules, and survival skills. And misplaced loyalties. This unthinking absorption creates an individual who is a lifetime slave of others' thinking. Here is an example:
Life is about elimination.
By the time you are 59, the government is trying to eliminate you from workspace through retirement. By the time you are 69, younger folk in the extended family ignore you. By the time you are 79, your family ignores you because you cannot hear well or need help. By the time you are 89, the old-age home is trying to get rid of you because it's easier to deal with slightly younger inmates.
If you read and believe this kind of rubbish, you are doomed. Check this perspective given below instead.
Growth of any kind, requires you to move from one stage to another by giving up the previous stage. You have to exit high school to get to college and exit college to get to work. You go up the ladder by leaving the lower rung behind.
Here are two striking examples (both are true stories) of how your outlook on life can make or break you, especially as you get older.
Story 1
Three years ago, I met someone at a family function -male, mid-60s, dull and boring, generally low energy, and unenthusiastic. This man had retired from his position as a clerk in a public sector bank from a small town branch office. Apparently, for six months after retirement, he would dress up as if to go to work, from home every morning, go to the branch office, stand outside, and look at his desk -which by now was occupied by someone else.
Initially, the bank allowed him to come in and sit at the reception area thinking he may have had some unfinished paperwork but quickly realized he had nothing to do and stopped him from entering the premises. When asked why he was there, he would simply say -’ I miss my job, my desk and chair, where I sat for the last ten years’.
Story 2
Some years ago I was flying Washington Dulles — Mumbai via Paris. At the changeover in Paris, we boarded a different plane and I was seated next to a senior American couple who had flown in from San Diego, California. We were all bound for Bangalore and we got chatting. They were in their 70s, energetic, and happy.
Chris, 73, had just sold his home in California to start up a new software company in Bangalore and Diane was a feature film and documentary producer. They were relocating to Bangalore for a new life in their 70s. She had her script ready for a movie on the tribals in Coorg and he already had a small team running in Koramangala, developing a local language texting application. They were so enthusiastic, it was hard for me to keep up, at half their age. Talk about enthusiasm!!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” — Mark Twain
In the above two examples, which one do you think would be more miserable over time? I think the answer is clear. It is said, that if you have more to look forward to in the future, than your past, then you are young. If you have nothing to look forward to and keep looking back into your past, you are already old, no matter what your age is.
So, always develop some hobbies that you can improve upon over time. Or offer your time and energy— volunteering in your community, resident association, a local charity, temple, or church and or teach for free at the local school.
Understand that life is not all about hoarding, collecting, and amassing for oneself. Even if you did that, as you get older, it will be a lot better for you to start offering your time and energy to others.
One of the things that older folks say is that they have nothing to offer. Gurudev answered this in a wonderful way at a Satsang in Bangalore recently. He said -’ every human soul has the seed of the Infinite already built in. If you think you cannot offer anything, simply close your eyes and bless the planet. You have no idea how far your vibes can travel to heal, bring peace and calm to distressed souls. This is one of the highest services you can render ’.
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” — Norman Cousins
In the timeless classic Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna on the battlefield — “For one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy.” (Bhagavad Gita 6.6). He is stating the significance of right thinking and its role in leading a fulfilled life.
To learn to age with grace is a skill one should learn. Nature uses time to leave a stamp on everything it owns including our bodies. How can you reject something of which you are born and of which you are made? And how can you feel guilty about the very essence of what makes you, you?
Sridhar Pai Tonse writes about life, tech, markets, and startups. He is an expert on Strategy and Lead Generation for startups. Follow him on https://youtube.com/@tonsepai and visit https://tonsepai.com. For more https://tonsetelecom.com.