The Death of His and Hers
Our ever-changing gym locker rooms are the best parable explaining the death of his and hers
The first time a Millennial brought his toddler daughter into our men’s locker room, I shuddered. All is new to toddlers — they stare.
One young dad ignored his daughter staring bug-eyed at every naked guy. Another went to the other extreme of having his toddler stand against a locker in a “timeout” posture so she couldn’t see anyone.
Now our gym has signs about “dressing modestly,” covering up — in a locker room where we shower, dry hair and change. So guys now change in showers or toilet stalls.
“You can let it all hang out at home,” one sign reads.
The boundaries of his and hers domains are changing
For years, locker rooms and bathrooms stood as exclusively “his” or “hers” domains and marketers hawked “his and hers” items from towels to jewelry. Amazon still stocks more than 100,000 “his and hers” items.
New debates about the meaning and purpose of gender and identity are everywhere meaning the notion of an all-male or all-female space is diminishing, leading to the death of traditions about his and her spaces.
But what about privacy? The death of “his and hers” is well-explained by reviewing the changes that have occurred in locker rooms over the past half-century:
The 1970s: The rise and fall of the Equal Rights Amendment
A half century ago, equity was on a rapid roll. An Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was winning support from Congress and state legislatures in record time.
All seemed to support the ERA’s simple and straightforward common sense language, “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex.”
Every politician seemed to support it, saying “yes, of course.”
And then, along came Phyllis Schlafly, a conservative attorney and activist who started asking if the ERA would mean men and women going into each other’s bathrooms and locker rooms.
In those days, the men’s locker room was 100 percent male and a women’s locker room was 100 percent female, which led to a few odd conflicts like cruel boys teasing each other or far worse. Men can be jerks to all including themselves and their peers.
A buddy recalls dressing in a Detroit Athletic Club locker room when a famous CEO got in his personal space “close talking” while both were 100 percent naked. He kept thinking “OK, this is really odd.”
It also seemed strange, proving life itself is strange.
Suddenly, support for the ERA fizzled after an early rapid run: three presidents, both houses of Congress and 35 states backed it initially. But they couldn’t win the three extra states needed for ratification.
Five of the states backing it later rescinded their voters and years later, some of its 1970s supporters like Joe Biden talk about reviving the ERA but it’s still more an idea than something headed for approval. Just three states have voted to support the idea this century.
1980s: Equal access was won one battle at a time
Locker room lawsuits hit the news by the 1980s, like female sports journalists demanding equal access to (all male) NFL locker rooms so they could interview football players after games (the same access enjoyed by men). The courts agreed it was all a matter of equity.
Men won more equity too, tearing down other gender roles. For decades, custody fights presumed mothers would win custody of children while fathers won “visitation.” Custody for women and visitation for men was replaced with real equity and more equal treatment: parenting time with mothers and fathers becoming parents.
Embarrassing flashback: I’m an awkward teenager and my dad says “Go get grandpa” so I run upstairs, see my grandmother and ask her where Grandpa is. With a twinkle is her eye, Grandma points to the bathroom door and says “He’s in there.” So I push open the door only to find Grandpa sitting on the toilet pushing the door to keep it closed. That taught me to knock.
The 1990s: The age of Ally McBeal and the unisex
By the late 1990s, Ally McBeal soared to the top of the television ratings with the story of Ally, the beautiful and brilliant young lawyer who wanted to change the world — but she wanted to find love first.
The “hip” law firm of young Generation X yuppies included a unisex bathroom where men and women frequently ran into each other in amusingly embarrassing situations. Schlafly told State in 1998:
“What we’re seeing now in popular culture is the realization that the feminist movement is based on a rejection of human nature.It’s as if they’re saying, ‘God goofed by making men and women different, and we’re going to change that with unisex bathrooms.’ It’s like anatomical differences don’t matter.”
By the late 1990s, as a single dad, I was sending my daughter through the women’s locker room alone telling her “walk through as fast as you can, and I’ll be on the other side.”
Not so with today’s dads who simply bring their little daughters wherever they go.
And we flash back to Ally McBeal, where every character tried to escape to the rest room for some privacy and quiet alone time — only to see privacy was history. Even in the bathroom.