The Day the Paranoid Android Got The Bends
A Radiohead inspired short story
As soon as the morning bell rang, it was clear that their black star was about to blow out so the paranoid android climbed aboard his ship and looked back one more time at the landscape dotted with fake plastic trees and last flowers.
Planet Pop is dead, he thought, and about to give up the ghost. But what he shouted was, “I want none of this!”
Perhaps on planet Telex, he could be fitter, happier, and more productive instead of living this life in a glasshouse. No, not perhaps. I will. I Promise.
He made sure to put everything in its right place, then pressed play on his favourite exit music, a reminder of all he was losing. He popped a lozenge of love in his mouth and started daydreaming about how to disappear completely. For a while after the melatonin kicked in he drifted in limbo, a spectre; little by little he was able to go to sleep (and had a nice dream).
The computer took the fast-track. Like spinning plates, the ship drifted. Like a jigsaw falling into place, the ship landed. Feeling optimistic there would be no surprises, he let down the door and the planet’s strange permanent daylight shone inside.
Unfortunately, there was a wolf at the door: the karma police were already waiting for him. Fortunately, he was a man of war and he cried out, “nothing touches me!” as he clamoured down the staircase and pulled his knives out.
He was a lucky android, but the million dollar question remained: would he survive?
“Prove yourself, you subterranean homesick alien!” the police cried in response.
“You and whose army!” the trickster countered as he deftly dodged the killer cars that buzzed around him, packt like sardines in a crushd tin box. “Stupid car!” he shouted at one that nearly struck him.
But then an ill wind blew in, bringing with it a heavy fog. He was disoriented. Down is the new up, he thought in the lull.
A stray bullet hit. “My iron lung!” he cried. “Bullet proof . . . I wish I was,” he sputtered.
The karma police called out, “There, there. No need to sulk. This is your 4 minute warning.”
“I’ll never let you inside my head!” He tried to creep through the fog, but his glass eyes couldn’t see very far. He’d left cryosleep too quickly.
Go slowly, I might be wrong, he reminded himself. Don’t be a scatterbrain.
In front of his eyes, a boot crushed a lotus flower. “We were out hunting bears. But we found just you instead. And now you’re high and dry,” a voice drawled from high above.
“All I need — ” he began, but the stranger cut him short.
“Stop whispering,” the butcher ordered as he pulled the android’s ripcord. With that, the bodysnatchers collected his bones made of polyethylene and his face made of india rubber.
This story is my take on Michael Whalen’s Musical Story Challenge
For interest sake: I included 75 titles in my 491 words, which gives me a score of 6.5. How many can you spot?
Here are two of my favourites: