Summary

A man recounts a period in 2002 when he, a popular actor and social media figure, engaged in a casual relationship with a woman who claimed to be wealthy, which led to feelings of guilt and indebtedness when she provided him with a favor.

Abstract

In 2002, the author, a newly hired actor at Globo TV with a prominent presence on Orkut, engaged in several fleeting relationships. He met a woman who portrayed herself as affluent and well-connected, which initially appealed to him due to the distance between them. Their relationship became physical when she visited São Paulo, but despite enjoying their encounters, the author's interest waned. The woman's influence grew when she connected the author with a high-profile lawyer for his mother's legal issue, creating a sense of obligation in him. This obligation was further complicated when she offered to procure a luxury watch for him at a discounted price, a promise that was never fulfilled, leaving the author without the watch and feeling manipulated.

Opinions

The author initially appreciated the long-distance nature of his relationship with the woman due to his lack of resources to maintain the appearance of wealth.
He felt guilty for not being as interested in the relationship as she was and for using her for a favor.
The author believed the woman's stories about her wealth and connections, which influenced his decisions.
He felt indebted to the woman after she helped his family with a legal issue.
The author realized much later that the woman's claims about her wealth and influence were likely fabricated.
He felt manipulated and used when the promised luxury watch was not delivered, and he refused to meet her without the watch.

The Day I Sold Myself

Guilt can lead us to take unthinking actions

In the distant year 2002, I was a single man, recently hired by Globo TV as an actor and with a very frequented profile on Orkut, the “Facebook” of that era here in Brazil. Because of this, I ended up having several “lightning relationships” with girls I knew over there. I had left a three-year courtship; I wasn’t very interested in getting seriously involved again with someone, so as soon as I realized that someone was getting attached, I cut off the relationship to not generate expectations that would not be fulfilled.

And also because I got bored quickly.

It was during this period that I met a girl who lived outside São Paulo. If I’m not mistaken, she lived in Brasília. She claimed to be a businesswoman and part of a VERY wealthy family. According to her, her father had a car collection. She had three, and as I recall, one was a Land Rover, and the other was an Audi.

I could only think that it was great that she lived far away, so we wouldn’t even see each other in person, because I didn’t have the money to play someone like her — not even temporarily — and I wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of taking someone like that to a ride in my Gol, the cheapest popular car in Brazil. But she got excited about me. We talked a lot through MSN, and the chat was friendly, but nothing that special.

In short, I was more or less interested, and she was excited.

One day she calls me on MSN and says she would come to São Paulo to resolve work issues. She would be at a hotel near Avenida Paulista, and she wanted to meet me at night.

As our chats had long since arrived in the flesh's realm, we would skip all stages and go straight to bed.

I liked the proposal.

I went to the hotel, accommodated the girl on my Gol’s comfortable fabric seat, and we went after a place to vent our reproductive instincts.

The night was good. No exclamation point. As they say, even nasty sex is good, which was not the case. She knew what she was doing, and we had fun. I just didn’t get excited to repeat the dose (she would stay in São Paulo for a few more days). At least that would be the end of our physical relationship.

It was not what she thought.

She insisted on going out again and, after two or three days, my lack of desire had become a little urge, so we intertwine again on top of the sheets. Now it would be the end of our physical relationship. No. She still didn’t agree with me.

But she left, which prevented us from going to bed again. Only we kept in touch through MSN, much more on her initiative than mine.

Then the imponderable came into action. My mother had a problem that required the hiring of a lawyer. I knew this girl knew good lawyers because she had already mentioned this to me in some conversation. So I asked for a sign, and she put us in contact with a HUGE lawyer who, according to her, defended Pão de Açúcar, too (the most significant supermarket company here in Brazil). I told her we didn’t have the money to play someone like that, and she said that okay, that he owed her a few favors, it wouldn’t cost us anything.

But I felt indebted to her.

And she returned to São Paulo a few months later, excited. Me? Not so much. To tell you the truth, I was seeing a girl from my drama school. To tell you the truth, REALLY true, I went out with the girl from the drama school, left her at home and went to the hotel where my friend from Brasilia was.

Did I have fun? Yes, of course. In fact, I recommend to all those who are out of spirit like me to go through a phase like this in life. But I didn’t REALLY want to be there. I felt like a bitch. Paying a debt with sex.

Of course, we never use these terms. But she had figured out that I hadn’t been interested in a while, and she knew I was in debt, so she manipulated me. The hard part was to discover, sometime later, that the entire history of wealth and power was probably a lie.

As she kept telling me about expensive things, I said that I was interested in buying a Mont Blanc watch. She said she knew some importers and could bring me the watch for half the price. I liked the idea. I sent photos and the watch code for her to pass on to her friend, and I waited.

And I waited.

She said that the watch was already in Brazil and that she would deliver it to me soon. And I waited.

MONTHS later, she finally came to São Paulo and wanted to see me. I asked if she had the watch so that I would take the money. She said no. And I said I wouldn’t see her, either.

Guess if I got the watch?