StoryTelling | Humor| Nursing
The Day I Drank My Own “Urine.” Here’s What Happened.
“Let’s run it through again”
Full disclosure: I first heard of this idea in a “Chicken Soup for the Soul” story. I filed it away under “if I ever get the chance to do this…”
Having said that, come back with me to August of ‘05…
One Thursday in August of ’05 I drove to my private practice to see clients feeling just fine. Before the day was over the hospital had my appendix.
Good thing too, as it was about to burst.
Recently there had been well publicized cases of removing the wrong body parts in surgery. So the surgical team went to great lengths to confirm this was about my appendix.
Surgical attendant: “You’re having your appendix removed, right?”
Me: “Yes. You know, ya’ll have asked me this about 20 times. You also have it written in marker on my belly.”
Surgical attendant: “Well, we just want to make sure we don’t remove your ovaries.”
Me: “Good call.”
Enter the “We Nurse”
They wheeled me back into my room, post-surgery, about 11:15 that night. Watching Leno and Letterman all doped up was kind of fun.
First let me say that my doctors and nurses were great, and I appreciated them so much.
And have you ever had a “We Nurse?”
A “we nurse” is one that talks like this:
“How are we today?”
“Did we have a good night’s sleep?”
“Did we have a good lunch?”
Grrr…
Saturday morning toward the end of breakfast my “we nurse” came in and asked:
We Nurse: “Have we done our urine sample this morning.”
Me: “No, we haven’t.”
We Nurse: “Well, it’s time we get that done!”
So she hands me the cup for “our urine sample” tells me she’ll be back in 15 minutes and leaves the room.
I may never get this chance again!
So there I am in my hospital bed holding the urine sample cup in my hand.
That’s when I notice there’s still about half a cup of apple juice left over from breakfast.
So I take my cup into the bathroom and wash it out really well.
Come back to my bed and pour the leftover apple juice in “our” urine sample cup.
And wait…
We Nurse: “Have we done our urine sample yet?”
Me: “Yes we have!”
We Nurse: (picking it up) “Oh my! We sure are cloudy today!”
Me: “Let me see. Wow, you’re right! (take the cap off) Let’s just run it through again!”
And then I drank my apple juice.
That poor “we nurse” was left speechless with her jaw hitting the floor. Her face actually drained of color.
Finally, I started laughing, told her it was apple juice, and she threw a pillow at me!
We Nurse: “Well good thing, because I was just about to call for a Psych Eval!”