The Day I Done It For Who Matters Most — Me

The 14th relapse is unforgettable. This is why everyone should get a therapist!

I tried to get clean the first 14 times for other people, but it wasn’t until I did it for ME & no one else that I became successful in recovery!

I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, like an allergic reaction—breaking out in handcuffs every time I relapsed!

Hello, I’m Derek, a dual diagnosis, also almost 3.7 years clean! You can do it if you set your mind to bring the star to your movie! This is what made me have a natural sense of dopamine released in my brain.

A nurse leaving her job at a well-known place in Wisconsin was leaving her job. The nurse was kind enough to write me a letter saying how much my transformation has inspired her. I hope it does for you too!

The Golden Rule

Why do feelings at the beginning of our recovery journey come pouring out?

They were imprinted in my brain as bad things. I wanted to ask my dad at school why these school kids were calling me fat. I knew why they were calling me it; I just didn’t know why no one taught them how to treat others by the golden rule my dad taught me:

“Treat others as if that’s how you want to be treated.”

When my dad noticed I was crying in my room at the age of twelve, he pulled me up close for a big, giant hug. He told me:

“Brushing it off your shoulders like a big boy—THAT would make you feel a lot better, trust me.”

I was wondering what exact magic he was referring to. I waited for him to pull out some magic wand, and even at a particular time, I mentioned:

“Dad, I am not able to do that as simple as you can! I want to learn how to feel these feelings, right!!?”

He was pretty confused, but without any hesitancy, he blurted out:

“Feelings suck, and I have no answers on how you should be feeling right now besides angry, and that’s normal, buddy, so you need to forget about that, and let’s go fishing.”

That’s what my father did from the start. He always tossed his true feelings aside to start a new hobby or build a deer stand. The more hurt or angry my father got, the more projects he would be doing at one time. Four projects simultaneously made me aware that I shouldn’t be bugging him.

I did not learn feelings until my first trip to a Dual Diagnoses Recovery Center at 26, and maybe you don’t understand that mind-altering substances ruin your ability to learn to cope naturally.

I’ll explain something that happened to me just a few days ago that will make you understand that getting therapy from a professional therapist is important, just like emotional balance is.

The Power of Therapy and Emotional Balance

I was at my mom's house visiting with my son. His mother and I just separated due to a lot of factors after our trauma bond ended. I started to tell my mom my true feelings about how I felt at that moment.

As I see her eyes start to frown, she says, so nice and calm:

“I wasn’t expecting that... Wow that kinda ruined my mood; now I feel depressed like you.”

Total backfire, huh?

You see, your mom isn’t supposed to hear everything that makes you feel bad. I was just trying to make myself feel better at the moment by hopefully hearing something back from her that I needed to hear. But that’s what therapists are for.

Telling your therapist your feelings has several benefits compared to confiding in your mother. Trust me.

Benefits Of Venting to a Therapist vs. a Mother

• Therapists are trained professionals who provide a safe and non-judgmental space to express yourself.
• They offer unbiased support and guidance, helping you gain insight into your emotions and develop coping strategies.
• While mothers may provide emotional support, they can also be too emotionally invested in your life, potentially leading to biased advice.
• Unlike Mama Bear, therapists are subject to confidentiality laws that protect your privacy. This confidentiality fosters trust and encourages open and honest communication.

So, sharing your feelings with a therapist can offer a more objective and supportive environment for your emotional well-being.

The Importance of Emotions and Their Role in Our Survival

One aspect of this topic that concerns me is the idea of numbing out emotions as I’ve done, which inadvertently includes numbing out the good ones as well as the bad ones. It is true that life can sometimes be overwhelming, and emotions such as sadness, anger, or fear may feel uncomfortable. However, numbing our emotions entirely can have unintended consequences.

Our emotions act as an internal compass, providing us with valuable information about ourselves and our environment. For instance, fear triggers the fight or flight response, which is crucial for our survival. If we encounter a dangerous situation, such as stumbling upon a bear and her cubs, our body’s natural response should be to recognize the imminent danger and activate the fight or flight response.

However, if we numb out our emotions, including that fear, we run the risk of not recognizing the urgency of the situation. This can prevent us from taking appropriate action to protect ourselves, right?

Ignoring our emotions might inhibit our ability to assess threats accurately and respond accordingly, potentially putting us in harm’s way

It is essential to strike a balance when it comes to our emotions. While it may be tempting to numb out negative emotions, it is equally important to allow ourselves to experience them, as they provide valuable information about our internal state and external circumstances.

By acknowledging and embracing our emotions, we become more attuned to the world around us, making it easier to differentiate between dangerous situations and everyday challenges. My father did not teach me this, but my therapist did, and I am sober today because of it.

By allowing ourselves to experience and understand the process, we can navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

Conclusion

Emotions play a crucial role in our daily lives, helping us understand and navigate the world. They serve as our body’s natural response to various situations, allowing us to experience joy, love, excitement, and a wide range of positive emotions that enrich our lives. Numbing them out entirely can hinder our ability to recognize and respond to critical situations, like a bear in the woods, for example. Don’t numb out all the good emotions that will be coming your way. While it is understandable to desire relief from overwhelming emotions, it is crucial to remember that emotions serve a purpose and play a significant role in our survival.